


A Second Chance

by Yelhsabeech



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxious Aziraphale (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Praise Kink (Good Omens), Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale has bad parents, Aziraphale is seventeen, Blow Jobs, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Bottom Crowley (Good Omens), Bullying, Chubby Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley is 25, Crowley is a felon, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gabriel is a Dick (Good Omens), Hand Jobs, Human AU, Internal angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, No beta we fall like Crowley, No smut until 18 though, POV Aziraphale (Good Omens), POV Crowley (Good Omens), Panic Attacks, Pillow Principality Aziraphale (Good Omens), Prison, Rimming, Service Top Crowley (Good Omens), Sex, Slow Burn, Soft Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Tags May Change, Top Aziraphale (Good Omens), Topping from the Bottom, Virgin Aziraphale (Good Omens), ish, not too bad though, rescue dogs, switches bitches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 49,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yelhsabeech/pseuds/Yelhsabeech
Summary: Aziraphale just had to get through his last year of high school-then he could move to London and never move back. He can't explain why he's so drawn to the older boy who worked at the florist's..Crowley is an ex-con who is just trying to keep his head down, trying to be worth his room on this earth. When his dog causes him to meet a boy with pale blue eyes however, he starts to wonder if he can hope for more..
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 728
Kudos: 621
Collections: Bittersweet Good Omens, Good Omens Human AUs





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wrote dis. I have always, always loved me a good high school AU. Also, Buckets_Of_Stars wrote her Aziraphale with a stutter and I thought it was the cutest goddamn thing I ever read so I had to give my bby Aziraphale one too <3
> 
> To clarify, I added no underage warnings because any hanky panky happens after Aziraphale is 18. There is a kiss before then, but it doesn't go further.

There was something about the chaotic energy of the first day of term that was always stressful for Aziraphale. So even though it was only the first day of the new school year at Tadfield Academy, Aziraphale had already memorized his new schedule. He hurried in the direction of his next class now as he navigated the halls, keeping his eyes on the ground and trying to be as small and inconspicuous as possible. 

So far it had gone well, everyone was so busy getting adjusted to their new routines and classes that Aziraphale went completely unnoticed. This was something Aziraphale preferred, and wanted to maintain for as long as he could. He wanted to get through this school year with as little incidents as possible.

Aziraphale begins tentatively planning out his year in his head, already starting to fret about uni applications. He was so lost in his thoughts he was caught off guard when Gabriel shoved him into a nearby wall of lockers with his shoulder.

“Watch it porky,” The varsity athlete snarled, his taunt accompanied by a chorus of laughter from the posse that surrounded him. Everyone lauded Gabriel as a genius for coming up with that nickname for Aziraphale in primary, it made fun of both his weight and his stutter.

Aziraphale flushed at the insult, but refused to react otherwise. They’ve been calling him that since he was 9, he was mostly used to it by now. It was his final year, and he could see the light at the end of the tunnel; if he got through this year he could finally leave for university in London and never come back. 

He lowered his head again and made a beeline for literature, his final and favorite class of the day.

He made it to the classroom without further issue, and was pleased to see that Anathema had already reserved him a seat. Anathema was one of the only people at school who was nice to him; most people avoided him like unpopularity was somehow contagious. 

Well he supposed that wasn’t fair, her boyfriend Newt treated him pleasantly enough, but he didn’t really know the fellow, outside of interactions through Anathema. Several people in their school had tried to date Anathema, but quiet Newt had been the only one she actively pursued instead of the other way around. Newt had been dating Anathema for close to a year now. Anathema never seemed to care what other people thought of her. It was refreshing.

When he first saw the way Newt looked at Anathema, he was surprised by the pang of jealousy he felt. He didn’t have feelings for Newt however, he was quite happy for them in fact. Newt was an alright sort, although Aziraphale had only ever heard him speak maybe two sentences since he met him, so he didn’t know too much about Newt’s personality. Aziraphale was jealous because Newt looked at Anathema like she hung the very stars in the sky.

Aziraphale had realized with a sinking feeling that he was lonely. He never had someone to call his own, and no one, not even his own parents wanted to call him theirs. He could hope that someday, someone would look at him the way Newt looks at Anathema, but it seemed impossible. Finding someone when you’re straight is hard enough, but being gay, and looking like he did? With his wild white curls, old fashioned, boring personality, chubby figure and stutter? Well Aziraphale wasn’t optimistic about his odds. 

“How w-was your day Anathema?” Aziraphale asked brightly as he sat down next to her. 

“God, already boring.” Anathema moaned. “I can already tell this year is going to drag by.”

Aziraphale hummed in sympathy, “Well, at least it’s our last one. Are you doing student government again this-this year?”

Anathema shook her head; “Nah, nobody really did anything, other kids just used it as an excuse to get out of class and gossip. I’m working at the administration office this year.”

Aziraphale smiled at her, “Oh and I’m sure Newt working in-in the front office as well had no impact on your decision whatsoever.” He teased.

Anathema stuck her tongue out at him, but before she could respond, the professor stood up to begin class.

“Alright listen up!” Professor Tracy called out. She was one of Aziraphale’s favorite teachers; incredibly eccentric, but also incredibly kind. Anathema said that Professor Tracy had psychic abilities, that she could tell from her aura or something. 

“The library is finishing up it’s renovations, and needs some volunteers to help organize the books at the new location. It’ll be for a few hours after school this week. Any takers?” Aziraphale immediately raised his hand, pointedly ignoring the snickers from his other classmates at his eagerness. 

“Aziraphale! Fantastic, we appreciate it dear. Could you start today?” 

Aziraphale nodded happily; it never took much to convince him to go to the library. It also didn’t take much to convince him to spend more time away from home.

It wasn’t as if his parents were cruel, it was just that he was invisible. As soon as Aziraphale told his parents he was gay last year, it was like he had vanished off the face of the Earth. Worst, it was as though he never existed to begin with. They no longer set a place for him at the dinner table, when he tried to speak to them, neither parent would acknowledge that they even heard him. He had become a living ghost. They didn’t kick him out, and for that Aziraphale was grateful, but other than that he was completely on his own. 

He had given up any hope of them speaking to him again after 6 months had gone by. He was fine with it now; mostly. He coped by escaping into his books. Reading had been Aziraphale’s passion since he first learned how. His dream was that he would one day open up a bookshop. The quiet of a library, and the smell of parchment always brought him a sense of peace he had never been able to find anywhere else.

  
  


****

“Thank you again for helping out my dear.” Tracy had placed the last box of books on the table with an echoing thump.

“It’s no trouble at all Professor Tracy” Aziraphale replied, “I’m happy to-to help.”

“All the same, I think we’ve done plenty for today.” Professor Tracy looked around the refurbished library happily. They really had made excellent progress for one afternoon. 

“Really thought this would take all week” she continued, “but at this pace we should be done by Wednesday.”

Aziraphale felt a stab of disappointment at the thought of not having more of his afternoons taken up with book sorting and conversation, but was also pleased to have been a part of something like this; the library really did look great.

“I’ll be-be there.” Aziraphale grabbed his bag to leave; “See you tomorrow!”

“Bye now dear.”

Aziraphale took his usual route home, smiling at the dusky sky and enjoying the evening summer breeze. He walked to and from school every day, it was about a 45 minute walk, but Aziraphale never minded. He often read while he walked and it was usually peaceful, unless he was cornered by Gabriel and Sandolphin on his way home, which unfortunately seemed to be one of their favorite extracurricular activities outside of sports. 

When he got home he could hear his parents milling about the house. Aziraphale went to place his bag in his bedroom before going downstairs. When he entered the kitchen, Aziraphale could see his mother sitting at the table reading the newspaper. 

“Good evening mother!” Aziraphale greeted with a brightness he did not feel. He had given up hope that they would respond, but Aziraphale continued to try, even if it was for the sake of being polite.

She gave no sign or acknowledgement that she had heard Aziraphale speak. She idly turned the page in the paper, clicking her pen absent-mindedly. Aziraphale swallowed through the lump in his throat and began making himself a sandwich, idly talking about his day.

“Anathema isn’t doing school government again this year. She’s an acquaintance of mine, I think I m-mentioned her before?” Aziraphale quickly prepared his meal, desperate to fill the silence. “She's working in the front office at school, her boyfriend Newt helps out there, so I’m-I’m sure that’s why she started. We have English together this term as well, that should be nice..” He trailed off when he saw his father walk into the kitchen. 

“Evening dad.” Aziraphale was always more subdued in greeting his father; he was the one that took the news of Aziraphale’s homosexuality the hardest. “Was j-just telling mother about school-”

“Ariel, you finished with the sports section?” His father didn’t even look in Aziraphale’s direction. His mother pulled the pages out of the paper and handed them to her husband with a small smile. 

“There’s a love.” His father rifled through the pages absently, while Aziraphale observed them like some sort of specter. “Ariel, you ever think about trying for a baby?”

Aziraphale felt himself pale at the change in conversation. He noticed how his father didn’t ask about trying for ‘another’ child; as if this one would be their first. 

His mother hummed thoughtfully. “Sometimes, would we have enough room for a little one?”

“Oh, I’m sure we could shuffle around some things. By the time they were born I’m sure we would have a room available for them.”

Aziraphale worried he was going to be sick. Appetite abruptly gone, he turned and went up the stairs, leaving the plate of food on the counter. When he got to his room, he shut the door and leaned his back against it, breathing deeply with the occasional sob. He didn’t regret coming out, it was a weight off his chest that he had carried since childhood. But that didn’t stop Aziraphale from feeling so ashamed of who he was he could barely look in a mirror some days.

  
When his eyes stopped burning with tears and his chest didn’t feel as tight, he walked over to his bookshelf and pulled out a well loved, worn copy of  _ Jane Eyre _ . He read late into the night, absorbing himself in Jane’s woes to take his mind off his own. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In a random burst of courage or stupidity, it was hard to say; Aziraphale looked Gabriel in the eye and said without stuttering once: “You’re the idiot.” It was almost worth it to see that smile slide off Gabriel’s face. Almost..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're meeting Crowley! I enjoyed writing this-I hope you like it. 
> 
> Also! I've had some great feedback on my last chapter and I've added some disclaimers at the bottom of the chapter.

When Aziraphale arrived to help at the library the next afternoon he saw that he would be alone in organizing the books this evening. He didn’t mind, working contentedly in silence. He lost himself in his task and before he knew it the custodial staff had come in to tell him the library was closing. He slung his backpack over his shoulder and started for home.

When Aziraphale walked out he was surprised to see that it had gotten dark. He decided to take a shorter route home, away from the main roads. It wasn't as well lit, but it would save him about 15 minutes. As he was turning down the street, he became aware of some voices behind him. His stomach dropped when he recognized Gabriel’s haughty tone and Sandalphon’s guffaw.

Aziraphale looked around, wincing when he realized there wasn’t anywhere he could hide until they left. As Aziraphale was approaching a streetlight a few hundred feet away from a building that looked like a greenhouse, he shrank away from the light. Maybe if he stayed quiet they wouldn’t even see him-

“Well if it isn’t Porky Pig! Out for a late night stroll?” Gabriel’s voice was much closer now, Aziraphale didn’t stand a chance of running away. 

He took a fortifying breath and walked forward without turning to acknowledging them. He heard their footsteps just before Gabriel stepped in front of him and into the streetlight.

“I asked you a question Porky.” Gabriel’s lips were curled up into a snarl, “I don’t like being ignored, but I’ll give you a chance to remember your manners. Now what’s little Porky Pig doing out at this time of night? I know it sure isn’t for the  _ exercise _ .” Gabriel lightly poked at Aziraphale’s stomach. When he did Aziraphale could smell the alcohol in Gabriel’s breath.

“I’m coming back from the l-library.” Aziraphale gritted his teeth, his stutter always got worse when he was stressed or scared like this, but he didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of knowing they were getting to him. “L-let me pass p-please.”

Just as he predicted, Gabriel immediately started mocking him. “L-l-l-let me p-pass puh-puh-puh-please.” His grin was wide and cruel as Sandalphon howled with laughter behind him. Aziraphale clenched his jaw, he refused to cry in front of them.

“Tell ya what Porky.” Gabriel gave one his false charming smiles. “If you can say one sentence without stuttering like an idiot, I’ll let you go.”

In a random burst of courage or stupidity, it was hard to say; Aziraphale looked Gabriel in the eye and said without stuttering once: “You’re the idiot.” It was almost worth it to see that smile slide off Gabriel’s face. Almost.

Aziraphale tried to quickly walk around Gabriel to get away, but it was useless. Aziraphale gasped as he felt himself suddenly jerked backward by his backpack, the strap ripped and he landed hard. He sprawled on the ground, the wind knocked out of him.

“The fuck you just say to me?” Gabriel was holding Aziraphale’s broken backpack, looking furious. The hair on the back of Aziraphale’s neck raised as he contemplated the seriousness of his situation. They had him cornered in a dark, unpopulated area, and they were both drunk.

“You think you can talk to me like that?” As Gabriel spoke, he opened up Aziraphale’s bag and began emptying it, scattering papers and books all over the ground, ripping a few of them for good measure. When it was empty he handed the bag over to Sandalphon, who took it while watching the scene unfold with an oddly hungry look in his eyes.

“I think Porky could use a lesson on how to speak to his superiors, don’t you S?” Gabriel had a threatening smile on his face that looked more like a sneer. He started advancing towards Aziraphale, who was still on the ground. Aziraphale instinctively curled into a ball to protect his stomach and head, bracing himself for the inevitable kick.

Gabriel stopped short at the sound of a growl coming from the darkness. That was the only warning the group got when suddenly a massive dog leapt over Aziraphale and lunged at Gabriel, just barely missing his leg. 

The dog looked like it was made of muscle, with a wide, stocky frame and massive jaws. It might have been a stray, one of it’s ears looked like it was missing and it had a smattering of scars over its body. All of its teeth were bared, and it snarled and snapped and growled so loudly it was almost like the beast was roaring. It hadn’t turned it’s attention to Aziraphale yet, but Aziraphale couldn’t get up to run away; he felt glued to the pavement, frozen in terror.

“Fuck! Holy shit what the fuck!” Gabriel shrieked, stumbling back and landing hard on his arse. 

Sandalphon had immediately dropped Aziraphale’s backpack and started running, leaving Gabriel to catch up. The dog briefly charged again, and their screams echoed through the street as they sprinted down the street. 

Aziraphale felt like his heart stopped when instead of chasing them, the dog stopped and turned around, still growling quietly. It’s eyes were reflecting the light, casting a greenish glow as it slowly advanced towards Aziraphale. Aziraphale opened his mouth to scream when he heard- 

“Lilith!” A deep voice cut sharply through the dark, “To me!”

The dog, Lilith he supposed, immediately withdrew and trotted in the direction of the stranger’s voice. Aziraphale heard the sound of footsteps coming up from behind him as he tried to get his breathing under control. 

“Hey, are you alright?” The voice was much more gentle this time. “Here.” A long fingered, calloused hand extended itself in front of Aziraphale to help him up. He grabbed it without thinking and allowed the man to help him to stand. Once upright, he peeked up nervously.

Aziraphale couldn’t get a good look at the man in the dark, but the first thing he noticed was his dark red hair illuminated by the streetlight; it appeared long and was tied into a messy bun. He was tall and lean, wore all black, and had sunglasses on for some reason even though it was well after sunset. 

“Sorry I couldn’t get to those assholes sooner.” The red-head said darkly, “Are you ok though? Seriously?”

Aziraphale felt himself flush as he realized that he had just been standing there gawping. 

“Oh-oh I’m quite alright really, nothing I’m not um- used to.” Aziraphale stammered, taking stock of himself for the first time. He brushed off the dirt on his trousers and hands; at least none of his clothing was ripped this time, he liked this jumper. 

“They’ve done this before? Kinda wished she bit one of those little shits now.” The man growled with annoyance. He shook his head before bending over and picking up the contents of Aziraphale’s backpack that Gabriel had scattered onto the ground. 

“Oh that’s not-not necessary my dear,” Aziraphale said nervously, “You’ve already be-been a great help.” He bent over and began stuffing papers into his bag, eager to get home.

“S’no problem.” He had gathered a pile of books and papers and glanced at the top of the pile. “ _ Little Women _ ?” 

Aziraphale took a deep breath and fortified himself for the taunting that was sure to follow. Some snide remarks about how a boy had no business reading such ‘feminine’ books. “Y-yes, it’s one of my favorites.” 

The stranger simply handed over his things. Aziraphale's shoulders relaxed in relief and he took back his things to stuff in his bag. Their fingers brushed when he handed them over and Aziraphale felt a small jolt when their skin touched.

“Huh. I’ve always been more of a Bronte man myself.” 

Aziraphale looked up in surprise. “Really? Do you have a f-favorite?”

“Wuthering Heights, easily.” The man smirked, “Heathcliff’s revenge is a level of petty I think we should all aspire to.” 

Aziraphale let out a surprised giggle, “I haven’t read that one in a while; I’ve read  _ Jane Eyre _ several times how-however, that’s another favorite.”

“I’ll have to refresh myself on that one. I’m Crowley by the way. First name’s Anthony but I hate it, everyone calls me Crowley.” He held out his hand to Aziraphale.

“Aziraphale Fell,” He grasped Crowley’s hand, determinedly ignoring how Crowley’s large hand surrounded his own, and how the warmth of it seemed to spread up his arm.

“D’you need a lift home or anything Aziraphale? I’m not parked far.”

“No-no, that’s quite alright, I won’t p-put you out further than you already have.” Aziraphale hoped Crowley didn’t insist on it, he still felt a little shaken by the whole encounter and just wanted to be alone.

“It’s no trouble at all, but I won’t push you.” Crowley seemed to read Aziraphale’s thoughts and didn’t seem upset, but appeared rather concerned. 

“Just… how about you let Lilith walk you home?” He gestured to the dog who was standing next to him, looking alert. “It would make me feel a little better about you walking home alone with those pricks still skulking around.”

“Well..” Aziraphale regarded Lilith apprehensively, her snarling and growls still sharp in his mind. “Is she..s-safe?” 

Crowley raised his eyebrows at the question, but then nodded sagely. “I get it, she does seem violent, but there is one strategy that can incapacitate an aggressive beast such as her if necessary. Shall I show you?”

Crowley turned to face Lilith and squared his shoulders. Aziraphale looked on cautiously, clutching his bag close to his chest.

“ _ Who's a widdle baybe _ ?” Crowley's voice had gone up an octave and he placed his hands on his knees. “ _ Are you da widdle baybe _ ?”

It was like a switch had flipped; Lilith who was standing at attention looking serious; had started wiggling with her whole body, tail wagging wildly. At Crowley’s baby talk she rolled onto her back and started to shimmy with her belly up, positively begging for rubs. Crowley knelt to pet her and grinned impishly up at Aziraphale. 

“She is harmless really, she just knows how to put on a good show.” 

Aziraphale’s cheeks burned with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I shouldn't've assumed..”

“Hey, don’t worry about it, really.” Crowley stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. “So, will you let her walk you home? I won’t force you of course, but it really would make me feel better.” 

Aziraphale found himself unable to say no to Crowley’s hopeful and concerned look. “If you’re sure then, it would be appreciated.”

“I am,” Crowley said confidently, “She knows the area well, she can walk you home and find her way back here. Once you get back to your place, just tell her ‘Lilith go home’ and she’ll take it from there. I live just above the nursery I work at,” he gestured vaguely to the greenhouse behind him, “She’ll know where to go.” 

“Jolly good then,” Aziraphale looked up at Crowley one more time, he wished he could see the man's eyes. “It-it was lovely to meet you.”

“Likewise.” Crowley said with a smile. “Go with him.” He told Lilith quietly before he turned and started walking away. “Have a good night” he called over his shoulder.

“Y-yes you too.” Aziraphale forced out. Watching Crowley walk away, seeing his hips gently sway nearly made Aziraphale swallow his tongue. He turned toward Lilith, who was watching Aziraphale curiously. 

“Come along then?” Aziraphale asked her nervously; Lilith sprang up and started trotting ahead of him.

The rest of the walk home was uneventful, with Lilith occasionally stopping to sniff something. Aziraphale had never had an animal before, but he already couldn’t believe he thought her a beast. She appeared intimidating at first glance, but looking closer he realized she was quite lovely with her sleek chocolate fur and muscular frame.

Eventually he reached the end of his driveway. He stopped and turned to see her watching him expectantly.

“Thank you for the escort my-my dear.” Aziraphale murmured, bending down to scratch her ear. “And for the r-rescue. Now um-go home before your father becomes worried.”

Lilith responded by licking the tips of his fingers before ambling off in the direction they came in. 

The house was already dark and asleep, as it usually was when the library closed late. Normally he would quietly make something to eat before bed and enjoy the peace, but his adrenaline crashed and left him exhausted. As he blearily changed into pajamas and climbed into bed, his last thought before succumbing to sleep was  _ I never thanked him. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to add that this relationship is FANTASY and is not meant to romanticize this sort of relationship in reality in anyway, shape, or form.
> 
> If any young person is ever in a troubling environment at home or feel unsafe, you DO have resources:
> 
> UK people can text here: 07786209697  
> US people can text here: 741741(txt HOME)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "This needed to be Crowley’s main focus right now. Relationships never ended well for him, and he refused to let himself get shaken up by a pair of pretty blue eyes and plush pink lips-"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's short, but it's got Crowley's POV and a little backstory. I hope you like it! They're gonna see each other again next chapter :)

“And as it turned out, the spell summoned an incubus! Ended up a lovely night though, I certainly taught that old demon a thing or two.”

“Wait” Crowley jerked from his thoughts and he turned towards his boss; “What the hell are you on about?”

“Ah good!” Agnes smiled in triumph, “I was wondering when you’d get out of that big head of yours.” She laid down her pruning shears and turned towards Crowley. “You’ve been in a fog all day dear, what’s botherin ya?”

“Gah-ngk- sorry.” Crowley took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes before placing them back on. “Been distracted, didn’t sleep well I guess.”

“Still fretting about those grant proposals are you? You’ve already submitted them dear, no use gettin yourself in a tizzy over it now that- I  _ know _ you aren’t eating my marigolds again little missy!” Agnes turned to glare at Lilith, who hopped away from the flower pot, trying to look innocent with a petal hanging out of her mouth.

“Yeah I know.” Crowley sighed. 

Crowley knew he should be focusing on the grant proposal he submitted to get more funding for his nonexistent non-profit. But every time he tried to focus on that or literally anything else, clear, startling blue eyes kept drifting into his thoughts.  _ Why are you even still thinking about him? _ He had been out of sorts for nearly two days now.

Crowley hadn’t been able to get the night before last out of his head. Even after thinking about it for over a day, he still couldn’t name what possessed him to let someone else leave with Lilith, who was his whole world. He couldn’t explain how he immediately trusted a stranger with something he loved more than anything.

The whole night was completely baffling; Crowley wasn’t the only one who acted strange, Lilith did too. When he locked up the greenhouse for the night, one second she was next to him like always, and the next she was flying down the street towards two guys who looked ready to attack the other boy on the ground.

In the entire time that Crowley’s had Lilith, she had never shown that kind of protective aggression with anyone, not even with him. She was the definition of harmless, Crowley liked to joke that if someone ever broke into his home, Lilith would probably want to hold the flashlight as they robbed him. He’s trained her for hundreds of things, but nothing to do with protection. 

As Crowley ran to catch up to Lilith and saw what those assholes were doing, he felt a flare of satisfaction watching the dark haired one fall on his ass like that, seeing them run like the cowards they are. As soon as he saw Aziraphale on the ground, Crowley was immediately overtaken with an urge to comfort him, to protect him, to  _ take care _ of him.

Aziraphale. Even the name sounded angelic, and the wide blue eyes, soft round face, and white-blond curls only added to the effect. Crowley remembered how cute and posh he sounded, wondering again if his stutter was because he was nervous or if it was a speech impediment. Crowley thought it was fucking adorable which was confusing and infuriating. 

He wasn’t even annoyed when Aziraphale seemed frightened of Lilith. Usually those kinds of assumptions about Lilith’s breed and temperament annoyed him, but he had this weird desire to make sure Aziraphale felt safe with them. Why should he care if a stranger felt safe with him? Crowley rather preferred it when people were afraid of him; that meant they kept their distance. 

Aziraphale appeared to be in high school, which also meant that he was a hard off-limits for Crowley. He could admire how pretty and sweet the angel seemed, but he had to set a firm boundary to keep those thoughts from going beyond that point.  _ Probably will never see him again anyway. _ No, Crowley would be better off just forgetting it ever happened.

Agnes seemed to sense there was more on his mind, but she didn’t push. Instead she shook her head and went to pick up her pruning shears again. 

“Hey,” Crowley plucked them out of her hand. “Gimme those, you know they fuck with your arthritis.” He began trimming the rosebush Agnes had nearly completed, whispering insults about petal color and character to the flowers.

“Thought I was the boss around here,” Agnes gave his arm a playful swat. “Do need to get going though,” she stepped off her stool and began shuffling slowly to the door. “You alright to close up dear?”

“Always am. You need a ride to bingo or whatever?” He snorted when she narrowed her eyes at him. 

“Watch it;” She griped, “For your information, my rides already here. I have a date tonight.” 

“With whatshisname? Lester something?”

“No this one’s George.  _ Chester _ was last week.”

“You slut” Crowley teased; if he was honest with himself he probably was a little jealous that a 94 year old woman was getting more action than he was.  _ Maybe that’s my problem, maybe I just need to get shagged. _ Crowley did casual well, in fact that was all he did. But lately even the effort of bringing someone home to shag felt like more trouble than it was worth.

“George has been quite lovely.” Agnes had a glint in her eye as she looked at him. “ _ Quite _ lovely.”

Crowley gave a dramatic shudder “All I need to know-”

“It’s the third date, you know what that-”

“Ok  _ bye _ !”

Agnes laughed quietly and patted his cheek as she passed him. “It’ll be fine dear, you’ve worked hard on this, and it shows. Just let the results speak for themselves now.”

Crowley felt a rush of gratitude for having Agnes in his life, for giving him a chance when no one else did. “Thanks doll, be good.”

“Be safe” she called over her shoulder as she left. 

He exhaled through his nose when the door shut behind her. Trying to get his mind off tartan bow-ties, Crowley pulled out his training schedule for the month. It was best to assume that his grant requests were going to be denied, and that he would need to continue to be managing TAILS on his own.

Crowley started the TAILS Project from the ground up, about a year after he got out of prison and adopted Lilith. Her traumatic past made Lilith an incredibly complicated dog to train and rehabilitate, but helping her recovery proved incredibly healing for him. She gave him a reason to get up in the morning, and was a friend when he had none.

Crowley couldn’t get a job in London when he was released because of his record. And since most bull terriers are banned in several places in London, no one would rent to him. He was living out of his car with Lilith when Crowley drifted to into Tadfield and met Agnes. 

To his shock, Agnes actually agreed to rent her flat above the nursery in exchange for work and eventually she let him manage the nursery. Lilith gave him a reason to live, and Agnes gave him a home when no one else would. They liked taking the piss out of each other, but in truth she was so much more than a landlord or a boss at this point, she was the first person he felt like he could be honest with. A parent to him almost, but Crowley would never admit that.

Agnes worked about 3 hours a day on weekdays, and Crowley managed it the rest of the time. One night when they got drunk Crowley ranted to Agnes about how traumatized dogs and inmates were set up to fail, how unfair it all was. Agnes looked at him with glassy eyes and challenged, “Well what are we gonna do about it then?” During the next morning’s hangover, they laid out the foundation for TAILS.

TAILS worked directly with animal shelters and correctional facilities, pairing hard-to-adopt dogs with specific inmates for training, recovery, and socialization. Inmates who passed specific screenings, were arrested for non-violent crimes, and had a history of good behavior could be assigned a dog to train. The inmates would eat, sleep, and breathe for that dog’s recovery, and for every dog that graduated the training program, inmates could get up to one month off their sentence.

It ran entirely on donations and volunteers. Crowley currently managed it, and the work was constant and exhausting. The grant proposals Crowley wrote was nearly 100 pages describing the three years of blood, sweat, and tears he poured into this cause. It was submitted to six foundations; if only one of those organizations approved the funding, the impact would be huge. He could propose the project to different prisons and shelters, maybe even hire someone to help him. 

This needed to be Crowley’s main focus right now. Relationships never ended well for him, and he refused to let himself get shaken up by a pair of pretty blue eyes and plush pink lips-

“Nope.” Crowley stood up and started heading for the greenhouse. “Nopenopenope, not even  _ thinking _ in that direction.” 

He went to grab a hose to water some ungrateful plants and glared at Lilith playing with her stuffie, completely unaware of the distraction she caused in his routine. 

“This is all your fault.” He couldn’t help but grumble at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what do you think? How are we liking Crowley so far?
> 
> fun fact TAILS (Transitioning Animals Into Loving Situations) Project is actually a real program based in Florida. 
> 
> I'm not sure what the rules are for putting up links for donation sites, so I'll just let you google it if your interested.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "“Hullo Aziraphale” Crowley said warmly. He remembered Aziraphale, he actually remembered him, this was somehow both the best and worst case scenario..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friendship begins, with a dash of gay panic to season things :)

Aziraphale was once again questioning what led him to get up early that morning to bake scones for Crowley.  _ It is a perfectly normal, fine thing to do.  _ Aziraphale assured himself for the seventh time that day. He couldn’t remember a time when he had felt so nervous before.  _ You’re being silly _ Aziraphale chided internally  _ He probably won’t even remember you. _

The fact that Aziraphale never thanked Crowley for his act of kindness the other day haunted him. It was definitely just the lack of manners that bothered Aziraphale; it had absolutely nothing to do with the visions of red hair and swaying hips that swam in and out of his dreams and waking thoughts since they met.

“Are you alright Aziraphale?” Anathema pulled him from his fretting, “You seem distracted, and your aura is a little... twitchy today.”

“Oh I’m perfectly alright!” Aziraphale answered a little too quickly. Anathema gave him a skeptical look, but didn’t push it. This was probably the only moment he was glad he didn’t see Anathema very often during the day, she could really be far too perceptive. 

  
****

When classes ended, Aziraphale took the same route he took home that night. When he came close to the spot where he was accosted by Gabriel and Sandolphin, Aziraphale looked around and saw a small storefront next to a large greenhouse with a small sign that said  _ Fleurish _ in the window. A quick once over of the sign told him they were open.

The storefront looked empty from the front window, so Aziraphale tentatively wandered into the greenhouse. When he entered, he couldn’t help but smile at the floral and earthy smell. He could hear some activity further in the greenhouse, so he meandered throughout the aisles, drifting towards the source of the noise. As he got closer, Aziraphale could pick up soft singing. 

When Aziraphale turned past a shelf of azaleas, he pressed his lips together to hold back a gasp.  _ Good Lord.. _

In an open area he saw Crowley with his back to Aziraphale. He was wearing a black vest, which revealed a large red and black serpent tattoo curling from wrist up to his shoulder on one arm, and a tattoo of colorful swirling galaxies and planets on the other. His pale skin made the color on his arms all the more vibrant. His crimson hair was piled onto a bun near the crown of his head, revealing a long pale neck that was dotted in freckles. 

He could see the muscles in Crowley’s shoulders and arms rippling, the shine of the sweat on his skin, as he moved large pots of plants and soil with ease. Aziraphale was so transfixed at the sight it took him a few moments to realize that the singing was coming from Crowley. His voice was warm, melodious and deep.

_ “If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see, _

_ I'd put you in the mirror, _

_ I put in front of me. _

_ I put in front of me. _

_ Linger on, your pale blue eyes. _

_ Linger on, your pale blue eyes” _

Aziraphale stepped closer, straining to listen when he heard a small ‘woof’. Lilith had been sunbathing nearby when she noticed Aziraphale. She got to her feet and walked over to greet him, tail wagging lazily. Crowley looked over his shoulder and yelped with surprise at the sight of Aziraphale, dropping a bag of soil to straighten up and clear his throat awkwardly; he looking every bit like a child who had been caught. It was incredibly charming. 

“H-hello!” Aziraphale called out with an apologetic smile, inwardly cringing at his stutter. 

Crowley seemed to come back to himself and strolled smoothly towards him, dusting off his slender hands on tight pants. He had a small smile on his own face, which made Aziraphale feel a twinge in his chest. 

“Hullo Aziraphale” Crowley said warmly. He remembered Aziraphale, he actually remembered him. This was somehow both the best and worst case scenario. 

“Crowley..” Aziraphale trailed off into silence as he realized that he had no earthly idea what to say next, and he could feel Crowley looking at him through his sunglasses. Before he could make any more of a fool of himself however, Lilith leaned her body against Aziraphale’s leg, looking up at him with large chocolate eyes. 

“She remembers you.” Crowley huffed with a small laugh. “I trust she made an ok escort for you?”

“Oh yes!” Aziraphale said, happily leaning down to scratch her behind her ear. “She was lovely, I’m g-glad she made it home alright as well.”

They trailed off into a slightly awkward silence, neither knowing what to say. Aziraphale was just about to drop the baked goods at Crowley’s feet and run for it before Crowley spoke up again.

“She usually doesn’t take to people so easily.” He commented, gesturing down at Lilith. “Most people are scared of staffies and I think she picks up on that.”

“Well I confess I w-was quite frightened of her myself when I first saw her.”

“And now?”

“Well now it’s hard to-to imagine that she was the same dog that chased Gabriel and Sandolphin away.”

“Gabriel.” A dark look passed over Crowley's face. “So that’s the fucker’s name huh?” 

Aziraphale gasped involuntarily at the coarse language. “Crowley!” 

Instead of looking chagrined however, Crowley grinned. “Sorry, sorry, is twat any better?”

Aziraphale giggled in spite of himself. “Hardly.” He remembered the bundle in his arms and extended it towards Crowley. 

“I never um- thanked you for-for your help that night.” Aziraphale said, cheeks burning with reasons that had nothing to do with the heat. “Just wanted to make something as a way to repay you.”

He handed Crowley the bag, relieved when he actually took it. His face was unreadable through the glasses. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” Crowley said softly; sounding surprised. Aziraphale couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He fidgeted with his hands while he waited for Crowley to say something more. 

“Their blueberry lemon scones.” Aziraphale blurted when he couldn't stand the quiet anymore. “I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I-I just worked with the ingredients I had available. I-ah, made them this morning so they are fresh-” 

“Thank you.” Crowley said earnestly; “Really. Do- would you wanna come inside? Have some with me? S’cooler in there anyway.”

Aziraphale positively beamed at Crowley, weak in the knees with relief that he hadn’t utterly humiliated himself. “That sounds lovely, thank you. After you?”

Crowley led them through the small jungle in the greenhouse to a small door at the side of the building. Aziraphale closed his eyes and sighed in relief when they entered the dark air conditioned room, feeling the cool air on his flushed face. When he opened his eyes Crowley was watching him, but turned away abruptly when Aziraphale looked at him. 

“Sorry, I like to keep it dark in here for my eyes.” Crowley had turned away from him and was walking towards the counter. “I can turn the light on though if you like-”

“Oh no please, It’s quite alright” Aziraphale was quick to reassure; “I much rather you be c-comfortable.”

Crowley opened his mouth to say something, but then caught sight of a toy bone on the ground. “Oi,” Crowley sternly addressed Lilith. “We have company, put your toys away now, c’mon.”

Lilith darted forward to grab the toy bone and dropped it into a box off to the side under some vines. Aziraphale watched in awe as she maneuvered throughout the store getting an additional tennis ball, rope, and some kind of stuffed animal and dropping them into the box as well. 

“That’s incredible!” Lilith seemed to know Aziraphale was talking about her as she gave a pleased wiggle and walked over to him for more praise. 

Crowley snorted at Lilith’s preening before walking behind the counter to a back room. Aziraphale followed into a small room with seedlings on the counters under grow lights, and a small table and chairs. 

“She’s so well trained,” Aziraphale commented as he continued to pet Lilith. 

“You’re gonna make her ego insufferable; I can already tell” Crowley grabbed some napkins from a nearby cabinet. He walked over to the table and sprawled out on the chair across from Aziraphale, spreading out his limbs in a way that looked physically impossible.

“Here” Crowley handed Aziraphale a scone on a napkin. “Noone’s ever made me scones before. What’s this?” Crowley held up a separate bag of baked dog treats; Aziraphale felt his cheeks heat up again. 

“Oh those are for Lilith, I wanted to-to thank her too.” Aziraphale grew concerned when he saw a strange look cross Crowley’s face. “Does she not like peanut butter? I made sure to use ingredients d-dogs could eat safely, but I didn’t take into account any allergies-”

“That’s really..” Crowley gently touched the biscuits, as though to see if they were real. “That’s so thoughtful of you.” He finished quietly. He picked up one of the biscuits and handed it to Aziraphale; “You should feed her the first one, do the honors.”

Aziraphale gave a radiant smile and took the biscuit with a happy wiggle. He held out the treat for Lilith; “Come here little one.”

Lilith spun eagerly for the treat, large brown eyes beseeching before Aziraphale gave in and tossed it to her, more delighted then he probably should have been when Lilith seemed to like it. He looked up to see Crowley watching him through his glasses.

“I started reading  _ Jane Eyre. _ ”

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows curiously, “Oh? Any thoughts on it?”

Crowley grinned again, “Actually, yeah I got some.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My spacing? I don't know either man. I can't explain it, I can't understand it, but I hope it didn't mess up the flow.
> 
> If you'd like to see what Lilith looks like, I've supplied pictures!
> 
> https://img.pixers.pics/pho_wat(s3:700/FO/20/29/80/41/700_FO20298041_14b359c02ea2e8ac844c422ed9e255fa.jpg,700,601,cms:2018/10/5bd1b6b8d04b8_220x50-watermark.png,over,480,551,jpg)/stickers-staffordshire-bull-terrier-sitting-in-front-of-white-background.jpg.jpg
> 
> https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcRfGdnsmsgv8FhR-rduFB-3ZKmYAzONu1XetpZzxwS0QPXmLscR&usqp=CAU
> 
> I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Aziraphale’s breath was trembling for an entirely different reason now. He shouldn’t be thinking about Crowley this way; he was Aziraphale’s friend, he didn’t even know if Crowley was gay..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww they friendsss and they're getting feelingsss <3

“So what-what exactly, is your point?”

“Mah point is-” Crowley swallowed his mouthful of muffin to speak clearly; “My point is that  _ Jane Eyre  _ would have been a lot more interesting if it was written from Bertha Rochester’s point of view.”

“Well dear,” Aziraphale sniffed indignantly, “that is a-a topic I believe we will have to agree to disagree on.”

Over the past few weeks, these playful arguments had become a regular occurrence between the pair. Aziraphale had taken to visiting Crowley at the nursery after his classes a few times a week. He would often bring Crowley and Lilith some sort of baked goods when he would visit, as Aziraphale never saw Crowley eat. Aziraphale often got exhausted and hungry just from  _ watching _ Crowley work in the greenhouse, so it made him feel better to know that Crowley at least had a snack.

Aziraphale would visit every day after school if he could, but he kept his distance for fear of coming across as too clingy. Aziraphale kept waiting for the other shoe to drop; for Crowley to get tired of Aziraphale and tell him to get lost, his company wasn’t wanted anymore, but it hadn’t happened yet. 

Actually, Crowley always seemed happy to see Aziraphale. Aziraphale would come by and hang around the shop for an hour or two, chatting with Crowley as he worked, playing with Lilith to entertain her. Crowley was wickedly funny, and easy to talk to. He had a mischievous smile, with sharp looking canines that caused a small swooping sensation in his stomach. They talked and debated about almost anything, from literature to the brain size of dolphins, or even if ducks had ears. 

Crowley did like to tease Aziraphale sometimes, but it never came across as hurtful like the others. Light pokes at the pattern tartan, or Aziraphale’s outdated taste in music were always accompanied with a fond smile and a false put-upon sigh. Crowley also seemed delighted whenever Aziraphale would tease him back.

And Crowley  _ listened _ to Aziraphale, something he was completely unaccustomed to. He couldn’t see Crowley’s eyes because of the sunglasses, but he could always tell when he had Crowley’s full attention, something Aziraphale soaked up like a sponge. Even when Aziraphale prattled on about something mundane like his schoolwork or readings, Crowley would make small remarks or ask questions proving he was listening. When Aziraphale mentioned he was named after an angel, Crowley started calling him angel. Every time he heard it Aziraphale blushed a little; he was starting to suspect that his embarrassed reaction was really why Crowley had started calling him that.

And Lilith was quite possibly, the most brilliant animal he had ever encountered. She knew the basic tricks like fetch, sit, and speak, but also much more complex ones like cleaning up her toys, or wiping her paws on the doormat when they came in from the greenhouse. She had her own personality, mischievous and playful.

Lilith also adored Aziraphale, or at least adored the treats he would bake for her; she brought him a present every time he visited, a flower, a stick, or one time a shoe. He was especially fascinated by how in sync Crowley and Lilith seemed to be with each other. Crowley often wouldn’t even need to verbalize the command, a simple hand gesture enough to tell her to bring him a nearby spade or flower pot.

The more he was around Crowley and Lilith, the more he found to like about them. He liked the way Crowley refused to admit he was nice, but if Lilith ever started crying for her stuffed elephant, he would run upstairs to his flat to get it. He liked the way Lilith would excitedly tip-tap her paws whenever she saw Aziraphale approach, or start sulking and whining when he got up to leave. They very quickly became the best parts of his life.

“Has she been trained since she was a puppy?” Aziraphale asked one day while playing fetch with her. He wondered if Crowley knew where Lilith got her scars.

“Nah, I adopted her when she was about two.” Crowley hopped up on a bar-stool to transplant some seedlings. “She was originally bred for dog fighting, but her disposition was too friendly so she was used as a bait dog.” 

At Aziraphale’s confused look, he explained further. “A bait dog is used for the actual fighting dogs to practice on when they're not fighting. They usually die within a year or two because they aren’t as big of an investment as the fighters; easier to replace.”

Aziraphale felt his jaw drop in horror. “That's.. That’s awful!” He pulled Lilith a little closer to him, to pet her while she mouthed her stuffie.

Crowley frowned in sympathy. “She had never known a friendly human touch until she was two years old. I adopted her as soon as she was medically cleared to leave the vet. I’ve been training her ever since.”

“Well-well you did a wonderful job. I’m grateful for her guard dog training at least.” Aziraphale still cringed slightly in embarrassment when he thought about that night. Crowley turned and regarded him with an unreadable expression. 

“Actually.. I never taught her that.” Crowley said slowly. “I never trained her to be aggressive or protective for any reason, not even for me. People have prejudices about her breed, and I was always scared that training her to guard would get her killed. When she defended you...that was the first time she had ever done anything like that.”

Aziraphale was completely bewildered; “But why w-would she do that? For me?” Aziraphale looked down at Lilith, who had put away her stuffie and was now digging in a nearby pot.

“Because you’re worth protecting.” Crowley froze as if he just realized what he had said and tried to amend his statement: “As soon as she saw you she liked you I guess, became an important pack member, so to speak. Point is I did my best to train any aggression out of her, and that was the first protective behavior I saw from her.”

Aziraphale would be lying if he said this didn’t make him feel special,  _ valued _ . He thought briefly about how difficult it must have been to take in a dog that had been through so much.  _ Such a big responsibility _ Aziraphale pondered, “What made you adopt her?”

“They...they were gonna kill her.” Crowley put down the seedling he was working with, losing himself a little in the memory. “The world chewed her up and spit her out, and no one was willing to even give her a  _ chance _ to have a better life, to get better. She was alone.”

Aziraphale heard the sadness in Crowley’s tone, and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.“You saw yourself in her.” 

Crowley turned his head sharply to look at Aziraphale in surprise. Before Aziraphale could apologize however, the corner of Crowley’s mouth quirked up and he nodded. 

“Yeah, yeah I did angel. We were in the same boat when I adopted her. Working with her, training her, probably saved my life.” He smiled, but it was a sad one. “We weren’t alone anymore; we had nightmares together, panic attacks together, hell we even went to therapy together. We shared milestones and set-backs. She’s so well trained because she’s been my entire world since I got her, all of my energy and money went to her. I probably would still be in London causing trouble if it wasn’t for her; she was one of the reasons I ended up moving here.”

“When was that?” Aziraphale realized that he had no idea how old Crowley was. 

“Hmm..” Crowley appeared to be doing some math in his head, “I’ve had her since I was 21, about 4 years now, soo s’been about three years since I moved here.”

So Crowley was at least 25; why did that make Aziraphale feel like a balloon was deflating in his chest? Crowley cocked his head, curiously considering Aziraphale.

“You’re in your final year right? So you’re what, 18?”

Aziraphale blushed, “18 this November.”

Crowley pursed his lips as he processed that information, his face betraying no emotion besides mild fascination. “You plannin to go to university right? Anywhere in particular?”

They chatted a little longer about Aziraphale’s plans after he graduated, before Aziraphale decided to go home. He thought Crowley may have looked a little disappointed when he made his leave, but Aziraphale knew he must have been imagining it. 

That evening when Aziraphale laid in bed, he took the time to process his feelings instead of distracting himself in his books. He determined that the heaviness he had felt ever since learning Crowley’s age was disappointment. Aziraphale had hoped if they were closer in age, they could maybe… 

_ Maybe what?  _ A nasty voice inside him teased,  _ maybe he would actually like you? Want to date you? Don’t be ridiculous.  _ Aziraphale blinked the burning sensation from behind his eyes.  _ He probably sees you as nothing more than a clingy child. That’s why he tolerates you _ . Aziraphale took a trembling breath, and closed his eyes tight to prevent tears from escaping. 

When he closed his eyes however, his mind traitorously conjured images of Crowley. Crowley’s smile, his deep laugh. If he concentrated enough, Aziraphale could still remember the warmth of Crowley’s hand when it first grasped his own to help him up. Crowley’s fingers were long and elegant, calloused and strong from working. He wondered what those hands would feel like on his bare skin. 

Aziraphale began running his hands up and down his sides, imagining Crowley’s strong grip. He began thinking about all the times he saw Crowley in a vest, body glistening in a light sheen of sweat, the corded muscles in his arms and back, the pronounced hip bones. Crowley was thin, but he was strong; Aziraphale had seen him throw 45 kg bags of soil over his shoulder like they weighed nothing. He could easily hold Aziraphale down if he wanted. 

Aziraphale’s breath was trembling for an entirely different reason now. He shouldn’t be thinking about Crowley this way; he was Aziraphale’s friend, he didn’t even know if Crowley was gay.

Aziraphale exhaled a quiet whine and turned onto his stomach, intent on avoiding touching his rapidly hardening cock, but only succeeding in rubbing it into the mattress. What would feel like, to have those hands holding his hips down, entirely at Crowley’s mercy? Aziraphale was a virgin, but he had read enough erotic homosexual literature to have thoughts and desires of his own. Would Crowley be rough? Or gentle? Would he like telling Aziraphale what to do? 

He’d like taking direction from Crowley; Aziraphale quickly decided as he began to grind against the mattress. He’d want Crowley to take the lead, tell him what to do, take care of him. He would take off his sunglasses, and in Aziraphale’s fantasy he would finally get to see the color of his eyes, darkened by desire for  _ him _ .

Aziraphale buried his face into the pillow to stifle his moan while his hands finally gave up and reached between his legs. He gasped quietly when he wrapped his hand around himself, gently beginning to stroke, imagining that it was Crowley’s rough hands slowly fondling him. In his mind Crowley was praising him in that gravelly voice of his, calling him his angel, telling him he was good. 

_ Oh you need this don’t you my sweet angel? Lie back for me, I have you. _

He rolled onto his back and shoved his pants down to his knees, starting to fuck his hand in earnest now. He imagined those sharp teeth biting his neck, marking him, showing everyone that Aziraphale belonged to someone, that he was  _ wanted _ .

_ My angel,  _ Imaginary Crowley hissed in his ear,  _ All mine, you belong to me. I’ll never let anything hurt you again, I’ll take care of you, keep you. No one else can have you, you’re mine. _

“Yes, yours Crowley,” Aziraphale whispered as his body was seized in a powerful tremble, “ _ Yesyesyes _ ”

Aziraphale came in thick and heavy bursts all over his fist, gasping silently and back arching from the force of it. When he collapsed back onto the bed the shame was already starting to creep in. 

  
_ Get a handle on this  _ Aziraphale chided as he cleaned his hand off.  _ You are not going to let some childish crush ruin a perfectly good friendship. _ It didn’t matter how sexy and strong and kind Crowley was, the man was way out of Aziraphale’s league. It didn’t matter how drawn Aziraphale felt to Crowley, he wasn’t going to allow this.. infatuation to make a fool of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive un-beta'd mistakes, I'm a little tipsy <3 Let me know if there is anything particularly glaring :)
> 
> Sending all my love. Drink water and be safe my dears.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yes! I’ve never heard of something like it be-before.” Aziraphale felt breathless and giddy, excited to learn about something Crowley they never talked about before, but clearly cared about very much. He was seeing a new side of Crowley and it felt like he found buried treasure...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale meets Agnes, learns about TAILS, and Crowley gives Aziraphale a lift :)

Aziraphale was humming quietly to himself as he walked towards the nursery after school. The autumn wind had a bit of bite today despite the sunshine, and he shivered as he hugged his jumper closer to himself. He hoped Crowley was keeping warm, it seemed he only wore that thin leather jacket. 

Aziraphale’s crush on Crowley had grown exponentially as the weeks went by. He wasn’t sure if he was in love, he had never been in love before. If it was love, it was an aching longing; that only abated when he was around Crowley. It was a sense of calmness that seeped into his pores when he was in the same room as Crowley and Lilith. It was learning Crowley’s micro-expressions, his routine, and anticipating his responses. It was having his fingers physically itch from the desire to touch Crowley’s skin, his hair.

So he felt rather proud of himself for keeping himself in check whenever he was around Crowley. He allowed himself to treasure the very small things, like the way their hands brushed when Aziraphale handed him something. Or that spark that bloomed in his chest and kept him warm for days when he made Crowley laugh. He could be satisfied; those moments were enough. They had to be.

As he entered the greenhouse, he wandered around looking for Crowley or Lilith, to find they weren’t there.  _ Odd _ . Aziraphale walked around to the front and saw that the sign in the window did say they were open, so he shrugged and opened the door. He approached the counter, stroking and quietly praising the nearby leaves on the shelves he passed. 

Crowley always said they responded best to threats and demoralizing, which honestly made Aziraphale want to coo at them just to be contrary and listen to Crowley’s annoyed scoff. He glanced up as he reached the front of the store and stopped short when he saw not Crowley, but a very old and very tiny woman smiling gently at him from a bar stool. 

“Oh! I’m s-sorry! Are-are you closed today?” 

Crowley had told Aziraphale about the owner, an older woman named Agnes, but he had never met her before as she usually left well before he was done with school. She had long white hair in a braid, and deep laugh and smile lines around her eyes and mouth. 

“We are quite open today my dear!” Her voice wasn’t loud, but it still commanded attention. “Looking for Crowley were we?”

“Oh- I- I mean..” Aziraphale tittered nervously, before deciding to come clean. “Y-yes. Crowley is a friend of mine, I um-come by sometimes-”

“Aah so you must be Aziraphale” The lines around her eyes crinkled when she smiled. “Crowley was right, you do indeed look like an angel.” She chuckled gently when Aziraphale flushed at the term. "I'm Agnes, pleasure to meet you dear."

“Crowley is usually here," She continued, "but today he had something come up with his organization that needed his attention. He and Lilith should be back soon.”

Aziraphale was slightly confused, “Organization?” Crowley had never mentioned anything about an organization. 

Agnes waved her hand dismissively “Organization, charity, whatever you wanna call it. Either way I’m stuck managing my own shop until he gets back.” She saw the bewilderment on Aziraphale’s face and smiled. “He doesn’t talk about it very much, doesn’t like the attention,” She rolled her eyes at this, “I’ll let him tell you all about it when he gets back.”

She gently slid off the bar stool at the front counter and shuffled toward him. She was maybe 152cm.

“Now could you be a dear and help me pick some herbs for our tea? I’ll fix us a cuppa while we wait but these old eyes aren’t as sharp as they used to be. Crowley may have my head if I poisoned you!” She cackled at Aziraphale’s slightly panicked look.

As they picked raspberry and mint leaves around the shop, Aziraphale very quickly figured out why Crowley spoke of her so fondly. She radiated warmth, and shared Crowley’s mischievous sense of humor. 

“I’m so glad I got a chance to meet you,” Agnes was putting the kettle on for tea and preparing the mugs. “I’ve been wanting to thank you.”

“Really? What-whatever for?”

“Oh for just being around. ” She hummed before turning to face him. “Crowley is quite fond of you, and this is the first time in years I’ve seen him look anything besides exhausted.”

Aziraphale's mind briefly raced for possibilities as to what 'quite fond' could mean. He tried to quell the swelling of hope in his chest; if Crowley shared even a _fraction_ of what Aziraphale felt-

The sound of claws clattering on the linoleum floor interrupted Aziraphale's fumbling attempt at formulating a response. Crowley could be heard muttering to himself before he called out.

“Agnes?”

“In the back! Having tea with your  _ angel _ !” Agnes snickered as a the sound of something being dropped and a muffled ‘fuckfuckfuckfuck _fuuck_ ’ was heard from the front. 

Lilith burst in first, hopping with excitement at having Agnes and Aziraphale in the same room. Crowley came in next, wrapping a leash around a hand. A brief look of surprise crossed his face before it slipped back into his casually cool demeanor.

“Don’t listen to a bloody word she says Aziraphale.” He leaned against the doorframe, his long body graceful and his smile charming. “She’s senile, it happens when your 400.”

“ _ Crowley _ ” Aziraphale tried to sound scolding, though he wasn’t sure if he succeeded though with his obvious staring.

Crowley looked.. different. Normally his hair was up in a ponytail or bun and he dressed in comfortable, but dirty clothes for his job. Now his hair was down, falling around his shoulder blades in waves. Somehow he managed to wear even tighter black jeans paired with snakeskin boots and a well fitted black henley t-shirt with his worn leather jacket. Aziraphale had no idea a human being could be mouth-watering until now. He looked away before he could make a complete fool of himself.

The backroom was crowded with all of them sitting at the small table with Lilith sprawled happily on the floor. Crowley and Agnes bantered back and forth for a bit while Aziraphale watched on in amusement before Agnes picked up her handbag to leave. 

“Well lads, I better get going, it’s a full moon tonight.” Shuffling slowly toward the door, Aziraphale’s heart warmed to see Lilith letting Agnes use her to lean against for extra stability as she walked.

“Be good,” Crowley called.

“Be safe” Agnes chirped back.

When they heard the door close behind Agnes, Crowley and Aziraphale sat at the table drinking tea in a comfortable silence until the curiosity was too much for Aziraphale. 

“Agnes me-mentioned that you have a charity? An organization?” 

“Ngk-yeah, it’s just a little thing.” Crowley cringed, “Not really big enough to be called either of those things really..”

“I’d love to know more a-about it. If you wish to tell me of course.” He looked into his mug, frowning slightly and worrying if he overstepped. 

“It’s.. kind of a rehabilitation program. I got the idea after I moved here.” Crowley started, fidgeting with his mug, looking so different than his usual carefree attitude. He looked almost shy, nervous.

“I arranged a partnership with the community animal shelter, and the Haverhill Correctional Facility the next town over. It pairs hard to train dogs with certain inmates to be trained and socialized. The dog undergoes a training program, and the inmates learn coping skills and get time off their sentence for every dog that that graduates the program.”

Crowley was slowly shrinking further and further into his jacket, almost like a turtle. Aziraphale was looking at him, completely stunned. When Crowley spoke again he was almost mumbling from his jacket.

“S’like I said, not a big thing-”

“Not a big thing?” Aziraphale interrupted, appalled. “Crowley- that’s-it’s incredible!”

Crowley’s head jerked up in surprise; “Really?” He sounded skeptical.

“Yes! I’ve never heard of something like it be-before.” Aziraphale felt breathless and giddy, excited to learn about something Crowley they never talked about before, but clearly cared about very much. He was seeing a new side of Crowley and it felt like he found buried treasure. 

“It sounds so interesting,” Aziraphale pleaded gently but earnestly, “I-I have so many questions!” 

“Wait really?” Crowley looked at him like Aziraphale had just started speaking Spanish. “You do?”

“Yes! How did you start it? When d-did you start it? Do the dogs have backgrounds like-like Lilith? How many participate? How long is the training program? Do the dogs live at-at the prison? What are your methods for choosing participants? Are there-” Aziraphale cut himself when he realized Crowley was staring at him with his jaw dropped.

“Oh d-dear me I’m sorry” Aziraphale looked away, embarrassed at himself; “I do tend to-to prattle on-”

“No, no that’s not it at all!” Crowley was quick to assure, “It’s just that, well, no one's ever shown that much interest before. Just surprised me is all.”

For the first time, Crowley actually took off his glasses and Aziraphale had to hold back a gasp. Crowley’s eyes were a stunning amber color, so light they were almost gold. They were warm and more beautiful than Aziraphale had ever imagined. 

“I’d love to answer any questions you have.” Crowley continued, pulling Aziraphale out of his trance “Big questions guy, me.”

They talked about his non-profit, which Aziraphale learned was called the TAILS Project. Aziraphale truly was fascinated by the organization and how Crowley ran it, but the more he learned the more impressed he became. He learned that Crowley started the project three years ago, and that in order for a dog to be ready to be adopted there are certain guidelines they needed to meet. The journey to get there though, was different for every dog, and Crowley designed each training plan to fit the dog’s and inmate’s needs the best. The dogs actually lived in the cells with the inmates, and they discussed the screening process for how inmates get chosen to participate in the program. Crowley coordinated with correctional officers, wardens, and the director of the Tadfield animal shelter on a regular basis, and the program ran on donations and volunteers. 

Throughout the entire conversation, Aziraphale was captivated by how Crowley looked. He was animated, enthusiastic; gesturing with his hands and going off on small tangents before getting back to the point. Seeing Crowley talking about something he was passionate about was positively the most lovely thing he had ever seen. They had gotten so wrapped up in the discussion that neither had noticed that it had gotten dark outside.

Crowley frowned when he looked out the window. “Didn’t mean to keep you so long angel.” 

“Oh it’s quite al-alright, we both lost track of time there.” Aziraphale forced a smile to cover his disappointment and began to gather his things. 

“Well hey, can I give you a ride home? A bit nippy out.” Crowley had put the sunglasses back on so Aziraphale couldn’t see his eyes. He missed them already.

“I-I wouldn’t want to put you out..”

“S’no trouble really, can I?” He couldn’t miss the hope in Crowley’s tone and he didn’t really want to say no to begin with.

Aziraphale beamed at him, “Well, al-alright. Thank you!” 

When they went out to the car, (neither of them had noticed that Agnes had locked the doors and flipped the sign to ‘closed’ when she left.) Crowley rushed ahead slightly to open the car door for Aziraphale, which made him nearly melt. When they started driving back to Aziraphale’s, they made light conversation until Crowley’s stomach growled loudly. 

“Damn, forgot to eat today.” Crowley looked at Aziraphale curiously, “You hungry? We can stop somewhere for dinner before I take you home?” He scratched behind his neck and looked back out into the road. “Your parents might want you back soon though..”

Aziraphale gave a humorless chuckle, “Oh that’s not a concern at all.” Crowley raised his eyebrows at that and opened his mouth but Aziraphale continued on before Crowley could ask any questions. 

“Dinner would be lovely, but you-you really shouldn’t skip meals dear.”

“I know angel” Crowley sighed with a fond smile. “Well, I know a sandwich place nearby here, can I tempt you?”

Aziraphale gave a happy wiggle, “Temptation accomplished!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a date right? Definitely not a date next chapter *pssst it's a date*


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Crowley looked up, hardly daring to breath. Aziraphale hadn’t moved his hand away; his blue eyes were boring into him without a hint of judgement, wearing a smile so tender and sincere Crowley started feeling a burning prickle behind his own eyes..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley tells Aziraphale something important...
> 
> This was probably one of my favorite chapters to write even if it is kind of a tease.. sorry for any mistakes!

When they reached the small cafe, Crowley held open the door to usher Aziraphale inside. While Aziraphale decided what he wanted, Crowley took the chance to calm his racing mind.  _ Play it cool. Play it cool. This isn’t a date. It’s a quick meal with a friend. Absolutely not a date. _

He still couldn’t believe Aziraphale was so interested in his non-profit. Almost every time he told someone about it, the response was always “Why would you want to help  _ those _ people? Not like they deserve it.” So Crowley eventually just stopped talking about it. But Aziraphale...Aziraphale seemed to be the first person besides Agnes to actually  _ get it _ . It did something dangerous to Crowley’s chest.

When the barista came up front to take their orders, he let Aziraphale go first and realized he hadn’t even looked at the menu, just watched Aziraphale admire the chocolate croissants through the glass counter. When it was Crowley’s turn he quickly paid for Aziraphale’s food before placing his own order.

“Erm, turkey sandwich, black coffee, and...two of those chocolate thingies.” 

Aziraphale's surprised smile was nearly blinding, “You didn’t have-have to do that my dear.” Crowley was glad he kept his glasses on.  _ My dear. _

When they grabbed their drinks and sat down to wait for their food, Aziraphale turned to him as if he just thought of something. 

“You m-mentioned TAILS has volunteers, but you-you’re the one that manages it?”

“Pretty much. The volunteers are the ones that transport the dogs to and from the prison, I do everything else.”

“Everything? Training plans, s-screenings? All of that while also working at the nursery?”

“Mmhmm.”

“So..when do you sleep?”

“ _ Great _ question, I’ll let you know when I actually get a chance to.” He rolled his eyes at Aziraphale’s glare. “Honestly angel it’s fine; most of it is done online anyway and if my grant request for funding goes through, it should make things a little easier.”

“Where did you apply for a grant?”

“Applied to 6 different organizations. Thought I’d aim high so I requested 20,000 £ from each, but said I’d take anything. If even just one of those was approved it would lighten the load considerably..”

Crowley trailed off when he heard Aziraphale emit a small moan as he drank his hot chocolate. He looked up, and the sight of Aziraphale’s eyes closed as he hummed happily and savored the drink felt like a punch to the gut.  _ Jesus fuck..was that on purpose? _

A small whip cream mustache formed above Aziraphale’s lips when he put his mug down. He grabbed his coffee to distract himself but nearly choked on it when he saw a little pink tongue dart out to lick the cream off his top lip.  _ This is bad, Fuck this is really really bad.  _

“So w-what gave you the idea Crowley?” Aziraphale was completely oblivious to Crowley’s internal anguish. “Why animals? Why inmates?”

“Oh, umm..” Crowley picked up his coffee and pretended to think. The perfect opportunity to end whatever this could be was right in front of him now. Crowley needed to nip this in the bud, he was attracted to Aziraphale, and he isn’t 100% sure but he thinks the feelings might be mutual. Telling him the truth would almost certainly scare Aziraphale off; so Crowley needed to tell him, it was for their own good. He drummed his fingers on the table anxiously and concentrated on his coffee.

“Neither of them get a second chance, or at least it feels like that. Noone wants to invest the time and energy it takes into helping a dog heal. It’s easier and cheaper to just label them ‘aggressive’ and put ‘em down.”

“And convicts are conditioned by society to believe they are worthless even after they serve their sentence. Showing them they can have a positive impact on another life is crucial to promoting coping skills and reducing recidivism.” Crowley took a deep breath and gripped his cup to keep his hand from shaking.  _ Bite the bullet _ . “I believe we’re our best selves when we’re helping others. I started TAILS to share the experience I had with Lilith after I was released from prison.”

He heard Aziraphale freeze as he took in what Crowley said. For what felt like a millennia, neither of them moved or spoke. Crowley knew Aziraphale needed to know he was a felon, but he was still too much of a coward to look up and see the horror or disgust on the angels face-

A soft, round hand slowly crept across the table into his line of vision, and gently touched his fingertips to Crowley’s.

“Anyone who says they’ve never needed a second chance is lying. I think what you’ve done with your chance is-is truly remarkable, Crowley.”

Crowley looked up, hardly daring to breath. Aziraphale hadn’t moved his hand away; his cerulean eyes were boring into him without a hint of judgement, wearing a smile so tender and sincere Crowley started feeling a burning prickle behind his own eyes.

“You really are an angel aren’t you?” Crowley breathed.

It wasn't until Aziraphale’s eyes widened that he realized he said that out loud. Before Aziraphale could respond however, they were interrupted by the barista appearing at their table with their food. Aziraphale pulled his hand back and did one of his little happy wiggles at the arrival of his panini. Truthfully he enjoyed watching Aziraphale eat more than eating his own meal. Crowley barely tasted his sandwich, so preoccupied he was watching Aziraphale eat through his sunglasses. Not once throughout the entire meal did Aziraphale press Crowley for any more information regarding his past.

Instead they chatted about a variety of topics, and Crowley debated if he should ask Aziraphale about his parents. Aziraphale’s earlier remark worried him, but it didn’t necessarily mean anything bad. 

The more he thought about it however, he realized that Aziraphale never talked about his parents, ever. It wasn’t Crowley’s business he knew, but something primal inside Crowley wanted,  _ needed _ to know that Aziraphale was safe, to make him happy. He briefly wondered how he could reach out to Aziraphale without him pulling away.

After they finished their meal and Crowley had endured the torture of watching Aziraphale eat the chocolate croissant, Crowley drove Aziraphale home. After bickering lightly about the term velocipede, Crowley pulled up to Aziraphale’s house and cut the engine. Aziraphale thanked him fondly for the ride, then shot a look at his own house that was so forlorn it gave Crowley courage to do  _ something _ .

Before Crowley could chicken out, he handed Aziraphale a small piece of paper. Aziraphale took it with a bemused look.

“What’s this?”

It’s-ngk-it’s my phone number.” Aziraphale didn’t say anything besides a soft ‘oh’ and Crowley rushed to explain. 

“Look angel, I don’t know what’s going on at home, and I’m not going to force you to tell me.” At Aziraphale’s stricken look, he forced the rest out before Aziraphale could put up his walls. “But I just want you to have my number in case you ever need anything, if it’s help, or even just-just to talk.” He wanted the earth to swallow him into the ground, but Crowley forced himself to keep looking at Aziraphale so that he could know Crowley was serious.

Aziraphale stared at the small piece of paper with something akin to wonder. “Th-Thank you Crowley.” His voice was so soft Crowley wouldn’t have heard if the car had been on. 

Aziraphale opened up the passenger side and looked over his shoulder at Crowley one more time. “Mind how you go.” 

Once Aziraphale was inside, Crowley drove home in a daze. He barely remembered walking up to his flat and collapsing on his couch. Lilith came up to greet him and he stroked her ear distractedly as his thoughts still circled around the evening. Crowley should just be honest with himself: he was falling in love with Aziraphale; hell he’d probably already fallen a while ago.

Aziraphale was everything Crowley wanted in a partner, a perfect mix of contradictions; soft but strong, sweet but fierce. Those blue eyes haunted him; wide and curious, eager to please, to  _ submit _ -

_ Stop it _ He berated himself,  _ You have no business thinking about him like that. He’s too innocent, not even 18. Probably hasn’t even had sex yet- _

But fuck him, why did that make it hotter? The idea of being the first one to touch him like that, to teach him about that kind of pleasure made the room feel at least ten degrees warmer. He suppressed a growl at the thought of that angel spread out under him, watching him squirm and blush, that pretty neck bared and that sweet posh voice begging for him.

Crowley wanted to make Aziraphale scream with ecstasy. Wanted to know how all that soft, pink, untouched skin would feel under his scarred and calloused hands. Wanted to lick and mark every inch of his skin, lay him out like a feast and absolutely  _ ruin _ him-

Crowley groaned and buried his head in his hands, taking deep breaths to try and will his erection in submission.

_ You’re disgusting, drooling after him like this. As if you could ever deserve someone like Aziraphale anyway. You would end up fucking it up like you always do and hurt him. _

The idea of hurting Aziraphale brought Crowley’s train of thought to a screeching halt. Not an option, absolutely not. Crowley stood up abruptly and grabbed Lilith’s leash, “C’mon Lil’” He needed some fresh air.

As Crowley walked Lilith around the block, his thin leather jacket a poor barrier against the October chill, he tried to figure out what to do. Even though he didn’t talk about school and home much, Crowley could tell Aziraphale had been, or was still dealing with a lot; and Crowley was terrified of hurting him further. But forming a relationship with Aziraphale would just hurt them both. Aziraphale was young, and he had his whole life ahead of him with endless possibilities; Crowley would do nothing but drag him down if they were together. 

But just the thought of pushing Aziraphale away, denying his friendship, was physically painful. Aziraphale was one of the best things that ever happened to Crowley. He still wanted Aziraphale’s friendship, he just needed to set some boundaries with himself.

_ I can do that. _ Crowley decided with a flare of determination.  _ Aziraphale deserves that, he deserves everything good, that’s why I need to stay away. He doesn’t need some old and broken felon pursuing him, he needs a friend.  _

He could do this; Crowley could love Aziraphale like the moon loves the earth. It would be enough for Crowley to orbit Aziraphale; to see him but never touch, like the stars in the Alpha Centauri system. Crowley would eagerly give anything and everything he had to fill Aziraphale’s life with light. He didn’t deserve the privilege of holding Aziraphale; of touching him. Crowley was too ruined and dirty for someone as pure as Aziraphale.

He could treasure this fussy little angel without possessing him. It would be enough for Crowley; to keep Aziraphale safe from a distance. To watch his soft round cheeks push upward in a smile instead of feeling it with his own hands. To admire those soft white curls, but never run his fingers through them. These already were gifts for him to be able to witness, and those were enough. It had to be enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Crowley-all he wants to do is protecc his angel snacc, but he doesn't think he's good enough.. BUT he did tell Aziraphale he had been to prison before! It was time that came out!
> 
> Can't wait to see those bOuNdArIeS of Crowley's last like one more chapter tops! I hope you liked this one, and I'm so thankful for everyone who's read this far! <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Aziraphale felt a surge of dread. Of course Gabriel would try and retaliate against a dog of all things. He remembered that Lilith was out in the greenhouse, and sent a small prayer to Somebody that she stayed there and out of sight..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't know if I'm 100% happy with this chapter but I'm done looking at it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Crowley is not a bitch he is THE BITCH 😎 Change 👏 My 👏 Mind👏

“Ok, ok, I’m missing something here. So you want to open a bookshop?”

“Yes, I-I think that sounds lovely.”

Aziraphale had been talking about the universities he’d been applying to, and how he wanted to major in business and English literature. Crowley listened, and had no questions until Aziraphale confessed that he would love to collect antique books, but he would hate to sell them.

“.. But you don’t want to sell any books? From your _bookshop_?”

“Not if I can help it, no. I wouldn't mind people-um- reading them of course”

“So a library then?”

“Heavens no!”

“Wha-? Well then how do you plan on actually making money?

“I know I will have to-to sell books sometimes, but that doesn’t mean I want to..”

Aziraphale heard a car parking out front and looked out of the window curiously. He felt cold and the smile slid off his face.

“Oh dear..”

Gabriel’s mother, Michael was easily recognizable through the windshield, despite her large sunglasses. She had the same hair and skin color as Gabriel, and they both exuded the same arrogant attitude. Apparently she was an active PTA president and her husband was one of the largest financial donors to Tadfield Academy, making Gabriel essentially untouchable.

“Aziraphale? What is it? You alright?” Crowley looked out the window at the woman and frowned. “I know that one, she comes in every month or so to buy whatever potted plant is on the front of _House & Garden _ that month. Just throws out the old ones when she’s done with them, can’t be bothered to care for them. You know her?” 

“She’s G-Gabriel’s mother..” Aziraphale’s suspicions were confirmed when the woman stepped out of her BMW and briefly admired her reflection before striding towards the store.

“Oh isss she…”

Aziraphale turned sharply towards Crowley, not at all liking his tone. A slow grin was spreading on Crowley’s face; the look in his eye was positively _demonic_.

“Crowley no-”

“I’m not gonna do anything angel!” Crowley held up his hands in a non-threatening gesture. The next words were muttered, “unless she starts it.”

“What was that dear?”

“Nothing angel, nothing at all. You can relax in the backroom if you don’t want to see her.”

Aziraphale took Crowley up on his offer, but left the door cracked open for curiosity. He heard Michael stride into the store, heels clicking obnoxiously against the linoleum before addressing Crowley in a false saccharine voice.

“Good afternoon, wondering if you could help me with something.” 

“Sure, something in particular you're looking for?”

“No I’m not here for shopping.” Aziraphale felt a flash of disgust at the way she was speaking to Crowley, slowly and loudly as if he had trouble understanding her. He shook his head and strained to hear what Michael wanted. 

“My son was attacked by some rabid street mutt on his way home a few weeks ago. The monster nearly killed my poor boy. He said it happened right outside this shop.”

Aziraphale felt a surge of dread. Of course Gabriel would try and retaliate against a _dog_ of all things. He remembered that Lilith was out in the greenhouse, and sent a small prayer to Somebody that she stayed there and out of sight.

“Did it now?” He didn’t have to be in the room to pick up the flint edge in Crowley’s voice now. Clearly Crowley had figured out she was referring to Lilith as well. “So you’re looking for them? What happens when you find them?”

“I’ll have the thing put down obviously. It’s for the best anyway, who knows what sort of _diseases_ it’s probably carrying.”

Aziraphale flushed with anger. He understood now where Gabriel got his cruelty from. Michael was possibly worse than Gabriel, actually pleased with the idea of being responsible for the death of a dog.

“Well you know, now that you mention it, I do remember seeing something like that.” Even though Crowley's voice had a false lightness to it; somehow Aziraphale could _hear_ how tense Crowley was.

“Yeah great big bugger;” Crowley continued, “I’m remembering now. Looked more like a gorilla than a dog honestly. ”

Aziraphale was so thrown by Crowley’s statement that he almost missed Michael’s far too eager response. 

“Did you see which way it went? What it looked like?”

“Yeah it went down this street, screaming like a banshee. Was big like I said, with some brown hair and it was wearing the _ugliest_ letterman jacket..”

Aziraphale clapped a hand over his mouth to muffle his gasp. He needed to sit down. There was absolutely no way Crowley was about to-

“It answered to some idiotic name too. Gabe something? Gabriel? Yeah that sounds right. Thing was huge; and you’re right, definitely diseased.”

Aziraphale definitely sat down then; his hand was pressed hard over his mouth and his stomach was starting to hurt from suppressing his laughter. He heard Michael gasp and start sputtering furiously. Crowley apparently wasn’t finished however;

“You’re definitely doing the right thing getting that thing off the streets. Well done, hope you get the bastard.”

“Gabriel is my _son_!” The sickly sweet tone Michael had earlier morphed into something much more shrill and furious.

“Is he? My condolences. Why the hell you looking for him then? Escape his cage or something?”

“How DARE you-” Michael hissed. “How dare you think you can speak to me like that? Unacceptable. Get me your manager immediately.”

“You’re looking at-”

“ _Shut up_! You’re rude. Get me your manager immediately.”

“I am the manager.”

“Well.. you're _supervisor_ then! Whoever is above you.”

“Oh you want the supervisor? Sure lemme get him.” Aziraphale heard Crowley walk to the backroom. He poked his head through the door, grinned and winked at Aziraphale before snatching a green apron off a nearby hook and throwing it on. He heard Crowley swaggering back up to the counter. 

“How ya doin I’m the supervisor!”

Michael made a sound that was remarkably similar to a whistling tea kettle.

“You have someone that’s above you. I want to speak to them.”

“Aww, but I got the fancy apron on and everything...” Crowley sounded genuinely disappointed.

“I. Want. Your. _Corporate_. _Number_.”

Crowley snorted derisively at her tone before Aziraphale heard him scribble something on a piece of paper. 

“Here ya go; that’s our corporate number”

“Just so you're aware, I _will_ be posting about this on Facebook.”

“You do that..”

“I _would_ recommend that you adjust your attitude if you want to keep my business, but I have a feeling you won’t be working here much longer anyway.” Aziraphale rolled his eyes at how smug she sounded.

More than a little relieved when he heard her heels clicking away and the front door chiming to signal her exit, Aziraphale didn’t get a chance to leave the back room before Crowley entered it with a small smile. It made him feel better to see Crowley so unaffected by the encounter, but Aziraphale couldn’t help but feel worried. 

“She was awful! But-But what if she-um-calls that corporate number?”

“Oh I’m counting on it.” Crowley had that glint in his eye again, and retrieved a nearby landline and began to dial. 

“Are you c-calling Agnes?”

“No, no, I’m calling ‘corporate’” The phone number rang once before a pleasant female voice began playing an automated message.

‘ _Hello, the person who gave you this phone number to call wants you to know that you have very bad breath. Seriously, your breath smells really bad. This message is not intended to be mean; quite the opposite. This bad breath notification message is intended to help you improve your life, and the lives of those you breathe near. Bad breath is disgustingly nasty. You have bad breath. That makes you disgustingly nasty. Do something about your breath, and you will no longer be disgustingly nasty. Do you hear me laughing? No, you don’t. Because this is not a joke, there is nothing funny about bad breath. So please do something about your bad breath. Have a nice day!'_

Aziraphale had lost his composure right around the part where the message declared the caller ‘disgustingly nasty’ and was leaning heavily against the wall overcome with giggles. 

“You-you,” Aziraphale gasped and wiped tears from his eyes. “Crowley you _foul fiend!”_

Crowley threw his head back and laughed, and Aziraphale stopped breathing. This was far from the first time he had seen Crowley laugh, but he had never heard Crowley laugh this hard before, and he had never been this _close_. Aziraphale could see the small scattering of freckles across his nose and cheeks. Crowley had taken his glasses off and Aziraphale could see the way the corner of his eyes crinkled. Aziraphale could see the pale arch of Crowley’s throat. He smelled like sandalwood and earth, with a hint of sweat that made the scent far more appetizing than it had any right to be.

_What does his laugh taste like? When did they get this close?_

When Crowley’s laughter subsided, he looked down at Aziraphale and he could see Crowley’s breath catch. He was close enough to get lost in those golden eyes, to count his eyelashes. Aziraphale felt himself closing the distance between them as if he was being pulled by a magnet..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Bad Breath Hotline was a REAL US phone number (605-475-6959) until it was decommissioned in 2018 😞🙏 If you want to listen to it, you can see the video here:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDB1kPSwyzo
> 
> I hope you like this chapter! Things get a little spicy next chapter ;)
> 
> Very unrelated, but I'm getting a kitten tomorrow!! 😻 It's a little black and white boy, and I'm torn between the names Ichabod, Spencer, or Butters. Any one have any cat name suggestions???


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Noone had ever touched Aziraphale like that, so possessive and hungry. It made him feel treasured and more alive then he had ever felt. He vaguely wondered if that was what coming home was supposed to feel like, being somewhere where you felt safe, cherished, and happy...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm who's ready for a little spark in this slow burn?? I know I am!
> 
> Also, this fic has ART now!
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741661
> 
> TheTotallyTori made an absolutely stunning depiction of our boys, and I feel like it goes so well with chapter 6, where they get to talking about TAILS and he takes off his glasses. Please check it out they are so incredibly talented and I am beyond grateful 🥰🥰

Crowley didn’t know who closed the gap between them first. One second they were panting with laughter and staring at each other, the next they were kissing desperately. 

For several moments Crowley was lost in sensations that he had only dreamed about. He frantically tasted lips, licked the inside of that succulent mouth, buried his trembling hands in that soft white hair. That restrained fire that always burned low in his stomach when he was around Aziraphale had suddenly been doused with gasoline and was burning him from the inside out. 

Aziraphale’s movements were frenzied, wet and inexperienced. He was sucking Crowley’s lips and tongue into his mouth as if he was trying to drink Crowley in. He had wrapped his arms around Crowley’s neck and hung on as if Crowley were in danger of floating away.

Crowley realized he had no idea what ecstasy had truly meant until he was hearing and feeling Aziraphale gasp and mewl into his mouth. Occasionally their lips would part for just a breath and Crowley could hear Aziraphale quietly saying “oh, oh” before one of them dived back in. He was already so hard it was painful, feeling himself twitch and throb with every little sound Aziraphale made.

He wrenched his mouth away from Aziraphale’s, pressing open mouthed kisses along his jaw, tasting that soft flushed skin before sucking his earlobe into his mouth. Aziraphale buried his hands in Crowley’s hair, messing up his ponytail and pulling a goddamn whimper from Crowley’s throat before he raised his head and attacked Aziraphale’s mouth again.

Almost outside of his control, Crowley felt his hands moving to explore Aziraphale’s body. He wrapped his arms around the angel’s waist and groaned at how good he felt. So soft, a perfect fit against his hard angles. He ran his hands over love handles and thighs he wouldn’t let himself fantasize about, shuddering and growling.

Crowley felt a hardness against his hips; Aziraphale was hard for him too. The adrenaline of that realization made him try to regain some control. 

“Angel.” Crowley gasped between kisses, “Angel we _can’t_.” He made no move to let Aziraphale go however, instead reaching down and gripping Aziraphale’s arse to push their hips closer together, pushing his own thigh between Aziraphale’s legs.

“M-more.” Aziraphale begged against Crowley’s mouth, his voice lower than Crowley had ever heard it. “Please, please Crowley I-” He began to rut uncontrollably against Crowley’s leg and Crowley involuntarily bucked back against the friction.

“Fuck Aziraphale, oh _fuck_ you’re such a good boy. So beautiful angel” 

Aziraphale whined loudly at the praise and arched up against Crowley, trying to press as much of himself against the older man as he could. His hands were fumbling and kneading all over Crowley’s torso, as if they couldn’t decide what part of him to grasp. Crowley knew he was babbling now, the words falling out of his mouth before he could reel them back in.

“So perfect angel...wanted you so long..”

Crowley can feel himself losing the fight against his desires. Aziraphale would have to be the one to stop them, he wasn’t strong enough to pull away. Crowley would listen if Aziraphale told him to stop, but if Aziraphale wanted this, he would never deny his angel _anything_. Crowley tried one more time to talk some sense into Aziraphale. 

“Aziraphale” Crowley moaned, “We-we have to stop Aziraphale.”

“Need you-” Aziraphale was practically sobbing now, “Please don’t s-stop Crowley _please-_ ”

Crowley groaned and crashed his mouth back against Aziraphale’s, mouths pressing hard enough to bruise. He grabbed Aziraphale’s twitching hips and pinned them down, nearly coming in his pants right then at the keening sound Aziraphale made.

Crowley was drunk on lust, happily resigning to this outcome and letting this all encompassing heat consume him. He was going to bite a collar of bruises into that creamy pale skin, showing everyone Aziraphale was _his_. He was gonna take Aziraphale, open him up and fuck him right here on the backroom floor. He was gonna-

“Hellooo! Does anyone actually _work_ here?”

He leapt off Aziraphale as though he had been burned. Aziraphale was scrambling to prop himself onto his elbows, eyes glassy and wide. When had they ended up on the ground? Seeing how utterly wrecked Aziraphale looked, Crowley realized what he had been about to do. 

“I’m sorry” Crowley choked out, his voice shaking with horror. “I’m-I’m so sorry Aziraphale.”

Before Aziraphale could say anything, he got to his feet and stumbled out into the store front to help whoever this asshole was. 

***

Aziraphale watched Crowley leave, wanting to call him back but unable to speak. He pulled himself into a seating position and focused on taking deep breaths. That was-

_Incredible. Indescribable. An epiphany._

He had read about encounters like that in books, but Aziraphale had no way of knowing those moments could be so profound and intense. That was his first kiss, he had never experienced anything so passionate and blazing before. It felt like his skin was on fire, branded by Crowley’s hands. He could still feel them, the way Crowley’s arms wrapped around him so tightly, and the way his strong hands roamed and gripped his body. Aziraphale wondered vaguely if there would be bruises on his skin; part of him hoped so.

Noone had _ever_ touched Aziraphale like that, so possessive and hungry. It made him feel treasured and more alive then he had ever felt. He vaguely wondered if that was what coming home was supposed to feel like, being somewhere where you felt safe, cherished, and happy.

Aziraphale flushed when he realized he was still hard, remembering the feelings Crowley gave him and the way he _begged_ for Crowley. It was almost frightening how out of control Aziraphale had felt. He was driven by instinct, to slide them both to the ground and just surrender. He didn’t even know exactly what he was supposed to do, he was just chasing that euphoria of being so close to Crowley, to bask in Crowley’s desire and know he wasn’t alone in feeling this way. 

Wasn’t he? Crowley had said, more than once, that they needed to stop; and each time, Aziraphale begged for more. He began to feel tendrils of fear creep and bloom in his chest. Did Crowley not want this? Not want him?

Then he remembered the sounds and praises Crowley had growled in his ear and shivered. No, Crowley wanted him, neither of them could deny it now. The question is now what were they going to do about it?

Part of Aziraphale was humiliated by his own wantonness, and nearly being caught; he wanted to leave and process what he was feeling. He felt caught in a storm of emotions, hearing his parents voices, and the church telling him how wrong this was, but also relishing how utterly right it felt to have Crowley’s weight on top of him, to feel his stubble scrape against his cheek.

When Aziraphale thought about the shame and horror on Crowley’s face, he felt his heart crack. The way Crowley apologized in such a broken voice, like he had done something awful, was what kept Aziraphale from fleeing. It was unacceptable to walk away leaving Crowley to think he had forced himself on Aziraphale in any way. No, they needed to talk about this. He couldn’t lose Crowley, he was the best thing that ever happened to Aziraphale. 

Feeling braver now that he had a plan, Aziraphale finally pulled himself to his feet.

  
  


***

The customer ended up needing to browse the outdoor greenhouses to look for a specific fruit tree. Crowley couldn’t help but feel a little grateful for the chance to breathe in the smell of earth and fresh air that he found so comforting. Plus he didn’t want to see the look on Aziraphale’s face when he left the shop. He couldn't bear to see fear on that angelic face, and know it was his fault. 

_Don’t want to face what you did? Don’t want to face the fact that you're nothing more than a lecher? Coward. You’re supposed to be his friend._

While the man picked a cherry blossom tree that was satisfactory, Crowley continued his inner tirade. _What were you thinking, letting Aziraphale be the one to put the brakes on? You’re the adult in this situation, you should know better than this_ . _You should have been the one to stop, you should have been protecting him, not… not.._

When he got to the register, he couldn’t resist peeking around the store and into the backroom, and was both relieved and disappointed that Aziraphale wasn’t there. It was for the best. 

When he finished checking out the customer, Crowley decided to close early. He couldn’t bear another interaction with a stranger right now; all he wanted to do was get drunk enough to forget the way Aziraphale felt under his hands, how delicious he smelled. It would be impossible, but dammit if Crowley wasn’t gonna try. 

He made his final rounds about the nursery, threatening the slackers that weren’t growing fast enough and topping off soil and water before heading back again. Lilith had tuned into Crowley’s dark mood and was sombre and attentive, gently leaning against him as he trudged up the stairs behind the backroom. 

When Crowley opened the door to his flat, he caught the smell of..lavender? He dropped his things on the counter and saw the kettle steaming; he didn’t leave that on, did he? He walked forward into his living room on high alert, and froze like a deer in headlights at what he saw. 

Aziraphale was calmly sitting on the couch, with two cups of steaming drinks on the coffee table. Crowley was momentarily struck dumb at how _right_ Aziraphale looked, tucked onto his couch with a cup of tea like he belonged in his flat. He had his cute button nose tucked in one of Crowley’s astronomy books, but looked up when he saw Crowley enter. Aziraphale put the book down beside him and gifted him a soft, nervous smile. 

“Crowley dear, I think we should talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else is super proud of Aziraphale for taking the initiative to talk this out. Crowley would have been more than happy to pretend it never happened. Or change his name and move to a different postal code, you know, like a reasonable adult would do...
> 
> You may have also noticed the chapter count went up! Truthfully once I started writing smut with our boys I could. Not. Stop. 🥵🔥 I have 16/20 chapters written and I can't wait to post them!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Aziraphale hated this. He hated that an 8 year age difference had Crowley acting like they were on different planets. He hated how Crowley wasn’t just automatically trusting that Aziraphale wanted a relationship with him, or that he knew what he was doing. He hated how guilty and resigned Crowley looked. He hated how Crowley was right..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be a bit of an ouchie week, not gonna lie. Our boys have some thinking to do and let other people talk some sense into them before they come back together.
> 
> I have a bit of an allergy to angst that isn't resolved almost immediately because I'm a baby with no patience lol; If you want to wait for the angst to get better, the fluff comes back next Thursday. Remember I refuse to accept anything less than a happy ever after for our loves, so I do hope you stick around! <3

Crowley stared at him silently for so long that Aziraphale started to fidget nervously.

“I just-um,” Aziraphale looked away briefly, “You seemed upset earlier, and-and I wanted to make sure if you’re ok.”

Crowley made a soft disbelieving sound, “I should be asking you that.” He walked over and sat down beside Aziraphale on the opposite end of the couch, glasses firmly in place. It was another long pause before Crowley spoke again. 

“I’m sorry. That was.. I shouldn’t have lost control like that. You weren’t ready for something like that, you’re too young.”

Aziraphale furrowed his brow with worry. “Is that what’s bothering you? Am-am I too young for you?” 

Crowley buried his head in his hands with a soft groan. “Yes? No? I don’t know Aziraphale. I'm confused. You're not a legal adult yet.”

“Only for another 3 weeks! That doesn’t have to matter-”

“Of course it matters!” Crowley stood up and began pacing restlessly. “I mean- Jesus angel I’m closer to 30 than I am to your age! I-I shouldn’t want you the way I do, I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you like that-”

“You _didn’t_ take advantage of me!” This was the exact conclusion Aziraphale was afraid Crowley would jump to. “I wanted it too, Crowley. I knew what I was doing, and d-despite what you think of my age, I am mature enough to make my own decisions.”

“I’m not saying you’re immature Aziraphale-”

“Then what _are_ you saying?” Aziraphale was losing his patience and seeing Crowley pace was making him anxious. “Sit down, and-and explain it to me Crowley, please.”

Crowley stopped pacing, and sat heavily on the couch beside Aziraphale, still as far away as he could get. He pulled his ponytail out and ran his fingers through his red locks with a heavy sigh while Aziraphale watched the movements longingly. Lilith could feel the tension in the atmosphere and tried to relieve it by bringing them both ‘presents,’ really objects scattered throughout the flat, in the hopes of comforting them. 

“This...this is probably going to sound so condescending, but when hormones and emotions are high like that Aziraphale, it’s easy to lose control.” He set aside the stuffie Lilith had brought him. “Not just you, but for me too; I’m.. I’m honestly terrified of going too far and pushing you into doing something you weren’t ready for.”

“Crowley I don’t think you're giving either of-of us enough credit.” Crowley was right, he did sound condescending. “I know my limits, and you definitely would have stopped if I had said something.”

“Do you though?” Crowley asked harshly “Do you know your limits angel? Because you sure as hell weren’t telling me to stop downstairs. You know what I think? I think I could’ve tempted you to let me do _anything_. Would you have said stop if I started touching you? Ripping your clothes off? What about if I had started sucking you off?”

Just the very mental image of that alone was enough to make Aziraphale choke, “Crowley-”

“And if I fucked you?” Crowley’s voice was strained; “If I turned you over and just.. fucked you right there into the ground like I wanted- like I was _going to_ , would you have said no then?”

Aziraphale opened his mouth to respond but then closed it. He fiddled with the tennis ball Lilith brought him in lieu of answering. Thinking about it, really considering it, he wasn’t sure he would have said no. It wasn’t because he was afraid to say no, it was all just.. _so much_. He still remembered clearly the desire in his gut, so sharp it was painful. He didn’t really want his first time to be like that, but in the moment he probably would have done whatever Crowley said. It felt like he wasn’t in control of himself; just reacting on instinct and sensation alone. 

Crowley took his silence as an answer and nodded. “I didn’t know what your boundaries were, and I didn’t care. I should have stopped it, checked in with you. I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I mean it Crowley;” Aziraphale insisted when Crowley made a dubious face. “You did try to check in, and-and I ignored it.” He flushed again at the memory, the way he begged for Crowley. “If you insist on apologizing then I owe you one as well, I didn’t stop when you asked.”

Crowley made some garbled noise before shaking his head and waving his apology away.

Crowley and Aziraphale looked down on the couch between them, where they were separated by a small pile of the ‘presents’ Lilith tried to give them over the course of their conversation; her favorite toys, her comfort stuffie, her blanket, every shoe in the flat, three forks and a dead bug. 

Crowley gestured to the pile. “Dibs on the bug.” 

The small laugh between them broke the tension. Aziraphale faced forward and clasped his hands together.

“How-how do you want me?”

Crowley turned to Aziraphale, brows raised in confusion. “What?”

Aziraphale sighed and fidgeted with his cup to keep from looking at Crowley. “You said..that you shouldn’t want me the way you do. How do you want me then? Is it.. Is it just physical for you?”

Crowley didn’t answer, and Aziraphale eventually worked up the courage to raise his head to see that Crowley had taken his glasses off and was staring at him with an open, resigned look on his face.

“No.” Crowley’s voice had gotten raspier; “I don’t just physically want you angel. I want _everything_ about you. I want you in every way there is to want a partner. I want to give you everything. Fuck angel, I’ve wanted you ever since you came in here with bloody scones and dog treats.”

“What if I want you that way too Crowley?” Instead of looking pleased or relieved at that question, Crowley grimaced as if in pain. 

“Then I would say you haven’t considered your other options Aziraphale. No please listen.” Crowley protested when Aziraphale opened his mouth to argue. 

“You’re planning to go to university, and being there will open up a new world of possibilities. Maybe you’ll get there and find someone closer to your age and have more in common with? Maybe you get there and decide that you want to stay single and focus on your studies? Or maybe you decide you wanna fuck your way around London? And that’s perfectly fine if you do!” Crowley was quick to reassure. 

“I’m at a different stage of my life then you are Aziraphale, I want to settle down, but you're just getting ready to take off. The last thing I want to do is hold you back from doing anything and everything you want.”

“So-so you’ll trust me if I say no, but not if I say yes?” Aziraphale felt it, he could actually feel his heart breaking.

“It’s not that angel, it’s just that I don’t want you to rush into anything. I need to be sure you’ve fully considered your options. All of them.”

Aziraphale hated this. He hated that an 8 year age difference had Crowley acting like they were on different planets. He hated how Crowley wasn’t just automatically trusting that Aziraphale wanted a relationship with him, or that he knew what he was doing. He hated how guilty and resigned Crowley looked. He hated how Crowley was right.

“Very well.” Aziraphale said stiffly. “I’ll _consider my options_ if that’s what you really want.”

“It’s what needs to happen” Crowley was quick to correct. “I don’t think I could handle a casual relationship with you Aziraphale, and I sure as fuck won’t share you.” Aziraphale felt a rush of heat at the way Crowley growled those last words. “If we do this, I’m in it for the long haul. I don’t want you to wake up one day years later and regret building a home and a life with me.” 

_Home and a life with me_. Those words sounded so beautiful and right that it almost startled Aziraphale. He knew Crowley wouldn’t give in now if Aziraphale insisted that was in fact what he wanted, they would need to come to some sort of compromise. 

“If I took the time to think about it like you asked,” Aziraphale began carefully, “and then gave you my answer when I-um turn 18, would that be acceptable?”

“As long as you need.”

“And you would accept my answer?”

Crowley looked offended, “Of course I would!”

“Even when I tell you that I _do_ want a relationship with you?” Aziraphale emphasized, “To be your partner? I know you would respect my answer if I-I said no Crowley. But would you accept my answer as a _consenting adult_ if I told you that I want to be with you and Lilith?”

Crowley opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before swallowing and nodding weakly.

Aziraphale sighed with relief, “Very good my dear, thank you. So, what happens now? Does-does this change anything?” To his dismay, Crowley nodded.

“It does angel.” Crowley murmured “I-I think it’s best if we weren’t alone together for a bit. At least until you have your answer.”

“B-but why?”

“To be perfectly honest angel, now that I’ve had a taste of you I don't know if I’ll be able to stop myself from trying again.”

Oh. _Oh_. Damn it all, why did Crowley have to say it like _that_? Aziraphale tore his eyes from Crowley’s mouth and tried desperately to control the burning in his cheeks, quickly concluding he would probably have the same problem. He nodded quickly before standing up and walking to the door. Crowley got up and walked him there. 

“I still want to talk to you.” Crowley had kept his glasses off, his golden eyes were painfully kind. “You have my number still, you can text me at any time.”

Aziraphale didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nodded before he reached down to pet Lilith goodbye. Before he could turn around and walk out the door he was suddenly pulled into Crowley’s arms and wrapped in a tight hug. He returned it without hesitation and buried his face into the crook of Crowley’s neck, trying not to cry. 

“I mean it angel.” Crowley whispered into his hair. “No matter what happens, no matter what you decide, we’ll always be here for you. I still want to be a part of your life. That ok?”

“Of course it is.” Aziraphale sighed before letting go of him. “Thank you Crowley.” 

And with that Aziraphale was gone, shutting the door behind him and his footsteps echoing in the staircase. Crowley pushed Lilith’s toys off the couch before collapsing on top of it, pressing the heels of his hands hard to his eyes to keep the tears at bay. 

Crowley knew what would happen. The distance would give Aziraphale perspective, and once he thought about it, he would realize he was wasting his time with Crowley. Once he really thought about the opportunities going to university in London would provide for him, he’ll probably come to his senses and never want to see Crowley again. 

Crowley wanted Aziraphale’s happiness more than anything, and his own happiness and desires were an easy sacrifice for that. But Crowley could feel his emotions revolting inside him like a child having a temper tantrum. They threw themselves against the walls he so carefully built up over his life, screaming and crying with frustration over what it couldn’t have and _fuck_ when was the last time a goodbye had ever felt so painful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I'm writing Crowley's concerns ok? The last thing Crowley wants is for Aziraphale to sacrifice anything for him, like school or his goals. He loves Aziraphale, but also sees that they are at different points in their lives. Aziraphale's adult life is just starting, and he's making important decisions for his future. Crowley is more settled and has a career; but most importantly he doesn't want a relationship between them to compromise Aziraphale's future and independence. 
> 
> Aziraphale doesn't see a relationship with Crowley as a sacrifice at all, only something that would make them both happier! (psst he's right)
> 
> Crowley needs a certain older witch to talk some sense into him next chapter don't you think?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Crowley stood up angrily; “Because I don’t want to ruin his life like I ruined mine!”
> 
> Agnes heard enough. She slammed her mug down and raised her voice for the first time in 18 years..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dears! I hope you like Crowley getting a good talkin too.. <3 Azi gets his turn next chapter :)

Agnes lit her candles and frowned to herself. Something wasn’t right; but she couldn’t place her finger on what. The crystal grid was perfect, as was her Samhain altar. But there was still something niggling around in her brain, not quite a premonition, but an overall sense of unbalanced energies.

She sighed and shook her head. Meditating on this would provide more clarity, and if not she would do some scrying later when the moon was brighter. Agnes sat at her altar, rang her singing bowl before leaning back and shutting her eyes. She began to hum gently when the singing bowl faded, casting her intention and desire to offer peace.

Her eyes snapped open. Something was near; the unbalance, it was coming to her rather than her seeking it. Agnes grabbed her cane and stood up just as she began to hear scratching on the glass at her patio door. She shuffled as quickly (which was not very quickly at all) to the back porch to turn on the light. She was relieved and somehow not surprised to see Lilith scratching at the glass, looking at her insistently. With some effort she slid the door open. 

“Lili-bear, what a surprise! What’s goin’ on sweet pea?”

Lilith licked Agnes’s fingertips in greeting before turning towards her yard and looking back at her with an annoyed whine. Agnes could see some movement just beyond where the patio light ended. The figure appeared to be laying on the ground. She sent an unimpressed look to Lilith.

“Gonna make an old lady go out there aren’t you? Well c’mon then; let me see the fuss.” 

Lilith allowed Agnes to lean on her as she stepped onto the grass. Agnes smelled the gin and vodka before she saw Crowley sprawled out in her front yard. He was missing his jacket and a shoe, his hair in complete disarray with the odd leaf sticking out. She raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Care to explain why you're laying on my lawn, smelling like a pub?”

His glasses were askew and he blinked up at her owlishly for a moment before grinning. 

“Aggyyy! M’ havin.. I fucked up..” Crowley tried to get up and only succeeded in getting to one knee before flopping gracelessly on the ground face first. Lilith emitted a small ‘boof’ that somehow sounded exasperated, and bit on the collar of his jacket to try and pull Crowley back up.

“C’mon now,” Agnes whacked Crowley’s leg with her cane. “You’ll catch both our deaths out here.”

She waited for him to lumber onto his feet before turning to go into the house. The fact that she still managed to beat him to the house was a testament to how drunk Crowley really was. Eventually he managed to stumble inside before throwing himself towards the couch, missing, and landing on the floor with a crash. 

“Oof” She murmured with a wince. Agnes briefly wondered if Crowley was still conscious before he started babbling with his face still pressed into the carpet. He reached up and pulled her blanket throw off the couch onto himself, and Agnes headed to the kitchen to start the coffee maker. Lilith seemed to have no sympathy left for Crowley, electing to follow Agnes instead. Crowley apparently wasn’t aware he was alone in the living room and continued to talk incoherently about plants and Queen and Bowie.

Normally Agnes would have found this all hilarious, but tonight she couldn’t help but be concerned. In the years she had known Crowley she had never seen him this drunk before. This wasn’t a fun kind of drunk, it was a ‘drown your pain’ kind of drunk. He was out of balance, full of unrest like a stormy ocean.

“What’s gotten into him huh?” Agnes asked Lilith mildly while the coffee brewed. Lilith was Crowley’s familiar; and familiars always seemed to understand a little bit more than other members of their species. Even though Lilith couldn’t talk she often answered in her own way, and talking to her helped Agnes think. 

“It’s not the anniversary of his arrest..” Agnes briefly wracked her mind for any other problematic dates for Crowley, but none fell on the beginning of Samhain. “Problem at TAILS then?”  _ Maybe his grant was denied. _ Agnes worried about this with a sinking feeling until-

“‘-Nd he’s just so FUCKING PRETTY!” Crowley roared the last few words, and everything clicked into place. 

“Ah, his angel. Did he break our Crowley’s heart Lili-bear?” Lilith grunted in a way that Agnes interpreted to be disagreement. “Perhaps they are both being idiots then?” Lilith leveled her with a look that could only be described as sardonic.

“Here my darling.” Agnes handed Lilith a water bottle which she grabbed with her mouth. “We have some work to do I think.”

When they made it to the living room Lilith tried to hand Crowley the water bottle. He pushed it away with a groan. 

“No Lils, nooo. Not water, pizzzzaaa.” He grabbed her face and smushed it for emphasis before pointing towards the door. “Now.. _ go _ ”

“Crowley what is going on?”

Crowley briefly looked around the house as if just realizing where he was before his face fell. 

“Fucked up Aggy... ‘S’all overnow”

Agnes pinched the bridge of her nose and briefly prayed for patience. “”Get up now then,” She tapped him again with her cane before tossing it down to him; “let’s get some coffee and bread in you, then we’ll talk.”

****

Crowley sat at the table clinging to his second up of coffee, the remains of a bag of muffins spread over the table. Agnes sat calmly with her cup of coffee waiting for him to begin speaking. 

“I kissed him.” Crowley mumbled, speech still slurred. “I kissssed him. I shouldn’t’ve.. And I ruined it.”

“Does that mean those feelings aren’t mutual?”

“Nooo.. no they are, that’s the worssst part..”

“Why’s that the worst part?”

“B’cause he's 17 Ags!” Crowley wailed, “He isn’t an adult, and I jus..just threw me’self at ‘em.”

“When does he turn 18?”

“The 16th.”

“Of this month?” Agnes looked at him incredulously, “That’s only 2 weeks away, what’s the problem?”

“It isn’t about his age-”

“Yet you keep bringing it up. If it's not about his age then what is it about?”

“B’cause! B’cause it’ss an important age!” Crowley threw his hands up in exasperation. “The decisions he makes now, those are going to affect him for the rest of his life. It’ll follow him, he’sss got the whole world ahead of ‘im. I don’ want him makin the wrong decision by choosin me and I end up dragging ‘-im down.”

“I think the thing about being an adult is that he’s old enough to make those kinds of decisions for himself.” Agnes said dryly over her mug. 

“He isn’t though!”

Agnes considered her next words carefully; “So you were old enough to make those ‘life-changing decisions’ at 18. But he isn’t?”

Crowley’s face hardened, “That’s not fair. That’s not fair and you know it. It’ss not the same.”

“And you’re not being consistent. Why is he mature enough to decide to go to university but not mature enough for a relationship with you? Why are you the one that’s pushing him away?”

Crowley stood up angrily; “Because I don’t want to ruin his life like I ruined mine!”

Agnes heard enough. She slammed her mug down and raised her voice for the first time in 18 years. 

“How?” She felt a twinge of guilt when Crowley and Lilith both jumped at her volume “How was your life ruined? Was it the 80 dogs that were adopted because of  _ you _ ? Or is it all the inmates who feel like they're worth something now because  _ you _ believed in them? I may be old, but my eyesight is fine Crowley. I see a man who made the choice to do good, over and over again, no matter what was thrown at him! A man who  _ made _ something of himself! So show me a ruined life! Because it’s clearly not in this house.”

Crowley looked at her for a long moment before his face crumpled. He took a trembling breath and Agnes briefly saw that confused child, struggling to understand why he wasn’t good enough. She pulled on his hand and he went down to his knees and allowed her to wrap her arms around him. He sagged into her hold and his shoulders began to shake softly with quiet sobs. Lilith whined and pressed herself to Crowley’s side, burying her nose into Agnes’s lap to join the embrace.

“I love him Aggy.” Crowley whispered without lifting his head. “I love him and it terrifies me.”

“It shouldn’t. It shouldn’t terrify you.” Agnes stroked his hair soothingly, extracting stray leaves and rocking gently. “It’s easy for you to love; it’s instinctual even. You’re an expert on it. Crowley, look at me.”

She waited until she met those watery eyes before she spoke again. “If your love was going to drag him down it would have done so by now. Your battle is  _ accepting _ love.” Crowley’s eyes filled again and he looked away, and Agnes gently grabbed his chin and directed him back to her. “Give Aziraphale a  _ chance _ to choose you. Give him a chance to  _ love _ you.  _ Let _ him love you like you love him.”

Crowley took a shuddering breath, “But what if I do ‘nd he sstops? What if he regrets it?”

“Have you ever regretted loving someone dear?” Agnes smiled when Crowley shook his head slightly. “It’s probably the one emotion you can never regret. Don’t assume you’re so awful that someone could regret loving you. And for what it’s worth,” Agnes cupped his face in her hands, “I have never regretted loving you like my own son. Not even once.”

Crowley heaved a sigh before nodding and pulled her into a hug this time. “I love you too Agnes.”

Agnes hugged him one more time before the smell of gin was too overwhelming and she had to let go. “Well,” Agnes wiped some stray tears from her eyes. “You still look pissed and I’m out of food. Do you wanna order pizza?”

Crowley wiped his nose with his sleeve, looking at her with wide puffy eyes before nodding. “Mmhmm.”

“Good, we‘ll get some delivered, should soak up the rest of the booze.”

Crowley sat back on his heels and gave her one of  _ those _ grins. “Can we get it with pineapples?”

“Get the hell out of my house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think!
> 
> Also, it shouldn't have to be said but Imma say it anyway. BLACK LIVES MATTER. Thankya and goodnight <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Anathema grinned, “Well lucky for you, long complicated stories are my favorites. I’m gonna hunt you down at lunch and you’ll tell me about it, yeah?”
> 
> The idea of having someone to talk to, getting all of this off his chest sounded heavenly. Aziraphale gave a genuine smile for the first time in days. “That would be lovely. Thank you Anathema, really...”"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a short one, Aziraphale gets a chance to talk it out ❤️

Aziraphale had been in a sort of fog for the past few days. Ever since Crowley had asked Aziraphale for space and for him to think, he could honestly say he was no less confused. The selfish part of him didn’t know what there was to think about; he wanted Crowley, and Crowley that he wanted him, so what was the problem? 

But he also knew Crowley was right in a way. He still wanted to go to university, but how would that work if he was in a relationship with Crowley? He couldn’t ask Crowley to move to London with him, could he? Would he even go? He seemed happy working with Agnes. What about after college? Aziraphale wasn’t sure if he wanted to move back to Tadfield after he graduated. The more he thought about it, the more disarrayed his thoughts became. 

This distance also reminded Aziraphale how desperately lonely he had been before Crowley came into his life. It had made going home nearly unbearable; the other day Aziraphale had found his baby book in the bin when he had been taking out the rubbish. He had given up talking to his parents when he found Crowley; and the silence was nearly suffocating now.

He had to admit he was grateful that Crowley hadn’t cut him off entirely. Every day Crowley sent Aziraphale a good morning text and a picture of Lilith at some point in the day. Other than that however, he never reached out, responding to Aziraphale’s texts but never sending his own. It hurt, but he tried to tell himself that Crowley was being polite and giving him distance. It didn’t ease the loneliness however, and he often found himself lost in his own thoughts, arriving at his locker without even remembering the walk to school. 

“What’s his name?”

Aziraphale nearly jumped out of his skin when he shut his locker door to see Anathema on the other side. It took him a few moments to process the actual question. 

“What’s who’s name?”

“Don’t play coy. What’s your boy’s name?” She grinned at Aziraphale’s brief look of shock. “I knew it! I knew there was a boy! Why didn't you tell me?”

Knowing the game was up, Aziraphale resigned with a sigh; “It’s..it’s complicated.”

Anathema looked at him searchingly before her face softened. “Your aura has been gray all week. I wouldn’t have asked unless something happened. Did something happen?”

Aziraphale blinked rapidly, suddenly overwhelmed that someone besides Crowley was actually showing concern for him. “It’s a long story. A complicated, long story.”

Anathema grinned, “Well lucky for you, long complicated stories are my _favorites_. I’m gonna hunt you down at lunch and you’ll tell me about it, yeah?”

The idea of having someone to talk to, getting all of this off his chest sounded heavenly. Aziraphale gave a genuine smile for the first time in days. “That would be lovely. Thank you Anathema, really.”

When lunch rolled around, Aziraphale sat with Anathema in a quiet corner of the cafeteria. Aziraphale started from the beginning, when Gabriel and Sandolphin cornered him on his way home from school and how Lilith saved him, and he met Crowley. He revealed that he became friends with Crowley and Lilith after bringing them scones, and had been visiting them after school regularly since. When he got to the part about the stunt Crowley pulled with Gabriel’s mother Michael, Anathema whooped so loudly that people in nearby tables turned to stare at her, to which she responded with a threatening glare of her own until they returned to their meals.

When he got to the kiss, Anathema squealed excitedly and clapped her hands together. She cut herself off however when she saw Aziraphale’s shoulders slouch and his sadness more apparent than ever. He dejectedly described how it all seemed to fall apart from there, and that even though they admitted to caring for each other, Crowley had sent him away, telling him to consider his options.

“ _Consider your options_?” Anathema repeated Crowley’s words skeptically. “That’s… a really weird response. Why would he say that?”

“Well he does have some-um reservations about a relationship because he’s older than me.”

“How much older?” When Aziraphale didn’t respond right away Anathema frowned. “How _much_ older, Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale muttered a number that didn’t sound quite right, and Anathema asked again. 

“He’s what?”

“He's 25!” Aziraphale nearly wailed. He winced at the way Anathema’s jaw dropped. 

“25? _25_?!” Anathema hissed, “Aziraphale that’s-”

“Eight years older, I know dear.”

Anathema slumped back onto her seat as she processed that information. “Jesus you weren’t kidding about the complicated part.” She took off her glasses and started cleaning them with her skirt. “I’m gonna be honest with you Aziraphale, that’s sketchy. I know it’s legal and you’re old enough to consent and everything, but a 25 year old being interested in a 17 year old does not look good. What do you even know about Crowley really?”

“I know plenty!” Aziraphale countered defensively. “And I don’t care how it looks! He c-cares about me, and I.. I love him.” His voice broke on the last words, he knew he sounded pathetic but couldn’t bring himself to care. Now that he said it Aziraphale knew it was true. He loved Crowley; he had cared for someone this way before, and in return no one had ever made him feel so valued and loved. 

Crowley's belief in him was like an imprint on his heart, he carried it with him even when Crowley wasn’t around. It made him feel strong, like he truly could do whatever he set his mind to, and that he _deserved_ to be happy, something he had stopped believing a long time ago.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Anathema’s hand clasping over his. She patiently waited while he dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief. 

“I didn’t mean to imply that he doesn’t care about you,” Anathema soothed gently. “Truthfully, his response makes a lot more sense in the context that he does care about you.”

Aziraphale sniffled and tucked away his handkerchief. “Really?”

“Really” Anathema said earnestly; “If he were some creep, he probably would have jumped right into a serious relationship with you. Getting too serious too soon can be a pretty big red flag in relationships with this kind of age difference. The fact that he wanted you to take time to think about how this could influence your future and what you’re ready for? I know it feels like he pushed you away but this is a _good sign_. It means he wants the best for you, and wants you to be happy.”

Aziraphale felt the knot that had been in his stomach loosen a bit. He had been trying to tell himself that Crowley did care about him, but that nasty voice in his head frequently whispered that Crowley was using this as some elaborate ruse to get rid of him. Hearing someone else say it made him feel so validated.

“My advice? Listen to Crowley, take this time to think about your future, about what you really want. Picture your life five years from now, both with and without him. Which one looks makes you happier? Which one are you willing to fight for?”

Aziraphale shook his head slowly. “How on earth are you so wise for someone our age?”

Anathema smirked, “Being a girl is a big advantage. Consulting with spirits also helps!”

“Well, whatever it-it is, I’m glad I can benefit from it.”

“Of course. I gotta say though, Crowley’s a weird name.”

“Oh it’s his surname, his first name is Anthony, but he goes by Crowley.” Aziraphale didn’t notice the way Anathema’s eyes narrowed at the name, as though something about it bothered her. But before she could open her mouth to respond the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. 

“Oh goodness the t-time went quickly!” Aziraphale stood up, already worried about being late to his maths class. Before he left he turned to Anathema one more time. “Thank you Anathema, truly. It was helpful to be able to finally talk to someone about this.”

“Any time Aziraphale, what are friends for?”

Aziraphale walked to class with a warm bubble in his chest at the sentiment. He had people that cared about him.

He had friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! This Thursday we get the floof back!! The chapters will also start getting a bit longer from here. 
> 
> Drink water and stay safe my dears!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Perhaps Crowley meant for his next question to sound teasing, but it came out vulnerable and serious. He looked at Aziraphale over his glasses, his eyes uncertain and hopeful. 
> 
> “Do you trust me, angel?”..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Aziraphale's birfday!! 🎂🎂

On the morning of his 18th birthday, Aziraphale got up and quietly left for school. In a time Aziraphale had taken to calling Before, Aziraphale’s parents would have made an elaborate breakfast on his birthday. Today however, he was home alone, they had left Thursday evening without telling Aziraphale where they were going. 

He was determined not to let it get him down however; it was a beautiful November day, warmer than usual with a bright blue sky. As he walked to school, he was inordinately pleased when his phone buzzed to reveal a text from Crowley. He unlocked his screen and grinned at the picture of Lilith grudgingly wearing a pointy birthday hat with a caption _Happy Birthday Angel_!

He was honestly surprised Crowley remembered, he only mentioned the date of his birthday once to Cowley. He slowed his walk and typed a response.

Aziraphale: _Thank you dear! Now take that hat off the poor girl!_

He put his phone away, not expecting a reply. He raised his eyebrows in surprise when he felt his phone buzz as soon as he put it in his pocket.

Crowley: _Anything important planned for today?_

Aziraphale could feel his hope building but quickly quashed it down. Maybe Crowley would want to see him at some point? Aziraphale hoped so. He had done as Crowley asked and thought about his options; and once he realized and admitted to himself that he was deeply in love with Crowley, the decision was easy. Being with Crowley felt ineffable, and if that truly was the case, then things would work themselves out. It also helped that there was a bus line from London to Tadfield that ran on weekends. He shook his head and typed out his reply. 

Aziraphale: _No not really. Parents are away for the weekend so I didn’t really have any plans for the day._

Crowley: _What about school? Anything special?_

Aziraphale: _Actually no, just reviewing for a test on Monday. Why do you ask?_

Crowley: _I was wondering if I could see you sometime this weekend.. Whenever works best for you, I-_

His phone buzzed again and Aziraphale felt like butterflies, or a flock of birds had taken residence in his chest.

Crowley: _I’ve missed you angel._

If Aziraphale hadn’t been in public, he may have done something truly ridiculous, like hug his phone. He did manage to restrain the urge and focused that giddy feeling on typing out a reply instead.

Aziraphale: _I’ve missed you too dear. I’d love to see you too, I’m free anytime._

Crowley didn’t reply back, so Aziraphale continued his trek to school feeling a bit lighter than he did before. As he approached the school steps he felt his heart leap into his throat when he heard a familiar voice calling for him. 

“Angel!”

If someone had been looking at Aziraphale, they would have seen his entire face brighten and a small grin bloom across his face as he said softly, “Crowley,” before turning around to greet the man calling him quite the interesting nickname.

Aziraphale whirled around and his jaw dropped when he saw Crowley leaning against his car, parked outside the front doors to the school. _Oh Good Lord._ He wore his signature all black, with his black long sleeved shirt rolled up to his elbow, showing his tattoo and muscular forearms. His hair was tied up in a low ponytail with small strands framing his face. When Aziraphale turned to face him he pushed off his car and sauntered towards Aziraphale in a way that removed nearly all rational thought from his mind. 

“C-Crowley!” Aziraphale was struggling to believe that Crowley was here. Actually _here_ , at Aziraphale’s school, acknowledging him in public after 2 long weeks, looking so beautiful and happy that it made his knees weak. “What on earth are you doing here?”

Crowley came to a stop in front of Aziraphale, less than a foot away, close enough for Aziraphale to catch hints of Crowley’s sandalwood and earthy smell. 

“You said you didn’t have any plans for today. Thought I’d come by and see if you were up for skiving.” 

If Aziraphale had pearls he absolutely would have been clutching them. “Skiving? You mean,” his voice dropped to a scandalized whisper, “You mean skip school? _Today_?”

“Yeah that’s what skiving means angel.” He grinned when Aziraphale huffed at him. “And why not today? It’s your birthday, it’s a Friday, and you said you didn’t have anything important today look-” Crowley whipped out his phone and presented their text conversation to Aziraphale “I even got that in writing.” 

Aziraphale looked back at the school over his shoulder. He really didn’t have anything planned but he was still nervous to just _leave_. “B-but Crowley I can’t just skip school! I’m already here!” _Tempt me. Convince me to come with you._

“You’re not in the building yet!”

“What about _Fleurish_?”

Crowley shrugged dismissively “Agnes is running it with Lilith today.” Crowley stalked toward him, causing Aziraphale to back up against the nearby wall. He knew people were watching them. He could see his classmates slowing down or outright stopping to stare at the dark and handsome stranger leaning close to Aziraphale, the school nerd. 

“C’mon angel. You’re 18, you can do whatever you want. Try saying that, it feels good.”

“Saying what?”

“‘I can do whatever I want.’” Crowley repeated. “Go on, try it. Even just the once.”

“Really Crowley-”

“ _Angeelll_ ” Crowley whined, “I’m tryin to do some sweep you away, grand gesture, Casanova shit. Work with me here.”

Aziraphale giggled despite himself. Oh how he missed him. He couldn’t help but want to indulge him. He really shouldn’t be so good at being tempting.

“Well where would we-we even go?”

Crowley shook his head and clucked his tongue, “Not how this works angel. I got big plans for us today, but you gotta trust me. Look before you leap.”

Perhaps Crowley meant for his next question to sound teasing, but it came out vulnerable and serious. He looked at Aziraphale over his glasses, his eyes uncertain and hopeful. 

“Do you trust me, angel?” 

_Always._ For a moment they just looked at each other, Aziraphale desperately wishing he could find a way to tell Crowley he would follow him right into the depths of hell if Crowley had asked him to, simply because he knew Crowley would keep him safe. From the beginning, from the moment they met Crowley has always protected Aziraphale. How could he ever do anything but trust him?

As prone as Aziraphale was to wax literary prose in his mind, he had the good sense not to speak it aloud. Instead he pulled down his jumper and fixed Crowley with a small pout and a put-upon sigh. 

“Well let’s get a wiggle on then, I’m getting cold.” 

Crowley’s smile was relieved and elated and utterly _gorgeous_ before he cocked his head with a strange look. “Wot?”

“I said I’m cold!” Aziraphale whined as he walked towards Crowley’s car.

“No I heard that bit, it was the ‘getting a wiggle on,’ that threw me.” Crowley teased gently as he opened the car door for Aziraphale. As Aziraphale settled into the seat after Crowley shut the door, he decided not to tease when he saw Crowley’s little victorious fist pump in the side view mirror before he walked over to the driver’s seat. 

He was pleasantly surprised to find that the car smelled like chocolate and baked goods. The mystery was solved when Crowley entered the car and reached into the backseat and shoved a box of pastries into Aziraphale’s lap without looking at him. As Crowley started the car Aziraphale opened the box and gave a delighted wiggle when he saw a few chocolate croissants and cheese danishes. 

“Oh how lovely! Thank you dear!” Aziraphale bit into the still warm danish with a small moan. Crowley made an unintelligible noise as his ears turned pink.

“S’nothing. Just wasn’t sure if you had breakfast, and we got a bit of a drive.”

As they pulled out of the car lot Aziraphale had to ask again, “So you’ve tempted me into your car, you wiley thing. Now will you tell me where we’re going?”

“Well the idea I had was we could go to London?”

“L-London?”

I got us tickets for _Hamlet_ tonight.”

Aziraphale gasped in delight before pausing and furrowing his brows. “But you-um, hate _Hamlet_.”

“I don’t _hate Hamlet_. Just prefer the funny ones is all. And.. I know most of the universities you applied to are in London. So I was thinking if you want, we can tour a couple of the campuses there? See which ones have the best libraries.”

Aziraphale was speechless. He had forgotten that he had told Crowley over 2 months ago about the universities in London he had applied to. He had sent applications, but he never had an opportunity to visit the campuses; his parents wouldn’t take him and he didn’t have a car. The fact that Crowley not only remembered, but offered to drive him, see the campus with him..

_You are not going to cry, you are NOT going to cry..._

“But those were just ideas,” Crowley rushed to say when Aziraphale hadn’t responded. “We could do whatever you want.” He grabbed the wheel and looked at Aziraphale hopefully; “I’ll give you a lift, anywhere you want to go, it’s no problem-”

“Crowley that sounds perfect.” Aziraphale’s voice was soft, he was worried if he spoke any louder his voice would break and betray how emotional he was really feeling.

“Good. Good!” Crowley perked up noticeably. “That’s good.” He pulled onto the ramp for the motorway before punching the gas, causing Aziraphale to yelp loudly. “Now hold on.”

“Oh! Nonono! Too-too fast! You’re going too fast for me Crowley!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for my overuse if italics in this chapter. 
> 
> But cheers for Crowley coming to his senses and sweeping his angel away to celebrate his birthday!! 😁


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The earnesty in Crowley’s voice made Aziraphale want to believe him so desperately. How was Crowley so sure? What did he see in Aziraphale? Why did he even want to be around him? Perhaps it was best not to speculate and enjoy it while it lasts..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boys celebrate Aziraphale's birthday in London 🎂, and Aziraphale opens up a bit about his home life..

“Nonono angel, this highway was a creation of hell itself. You can’t convince me otherwise.”

“Well, maybe it’s an exercise in-in patience. That- _oh watch the road!_ \- is something you could certainly benefit from. And it is a divine virtue.”

“The only divine thing I feel on the M25 is wrath. Divine, rageful, murderous wrath. Feel it all over the place.”

“Well I’m sure it was made to be more efficient, with-um good intentions I’m sure.”

“Angel, don’t you know what the road to hell is paved with?” Pleased at Aziraphale’s huff, Crowley turned his focus back onto the road. “I can squeeze between those two cars there,” He murmured thoughtfully, “Or at least I think I can.”

“You _think_?”

Despite spending a little over two weeks apart, it didn’t take either of them long to fall back into their old banter. They playfully bickered and caught up the entire drive, making the hour journey feel like 20 minutes. Although with Crowley’s driving the hour journey may have been closer to 45.

Aziraphale felt like he was smiling way too much. Even when Crowley said something obtuse or tried to deliberately annoy him Aziraphale could only manage something as serious as a fond pout. It did feel delightfully wicked to have skived from school, and it was finally starting to sink in that he was actually going to spend the entire day with Crowley, that he’ll get to see the light reflect off his fiery hair and hear his laugh all day. It felt similar to the feeling he would get when he would open a brand new book, except an order of magnitude stronger. It felt like the possibilities were endless. 

The day only continued to improve after that. Crowley managed to find a parking spot by performing a maneuver with his car that Aziraphale was convinced wasn’t legal and shouldn’t have even been possible, and they walked throughout the city. The first college they visited, King’s College, was lovely and quite close to Hyde Park. Trinity College however, had a library that was far superior that Crowley nearly had to drag him out of. It was also much closer to St. James Park, and Aziraphale liked this campus and surrounding area of the city a lot more.

Whenever they wanted a break they would stop at a nearby cafe for a quick drink and a snack. For lunch they found a lovely hole in the wall breakfast place. They had savory crepes that Aziraphale thought tasted absolutely sinful. Crowley didn’t eat much, instead shifting uncomfortably in his seat for most of the meal. When they finished they wandered throughout the city, actually finding their way to several museums. Aziraphale cheeks were genuinely sore from smiling so much throughout the day. Before he knew it, Crowley was suggesting they grab a quick dinner before they see _Hamlet._

They agreed on a small Italian place, called _Penne e Burro._ They both sipped a nice Merlot while Aziraphale ate his lasagna and most of Crowley’s eggplant parmesan. Throughout the meal they debated about Shakespeare, but Crowley kept getting a look on his face like he was just about to say something before changing his mind at the last second. Aziraphale was patient though, and as they waited for their dessert with coffee and cocoa, Crowley finally spoke up.

“You..you never talk about your parents.”

That was certainly not the statement Aziraphale expected, and he immediately felt defensive. “Neither do you.” Crowley raised his eyebrows slightly at the quick comeback, making Aziraphale kick himself internally.

“S-Sorry.”

“No it’s ok angel. You’re right I don’t.” Crowley set down his cup and drummed his fingers on the tabletop. 

“I never knew my dad.” Aziraphale looked up, he hadn’t unexpected Crowley to actually start talking about his past. “Think he skipped town when he got mum pregnant. Mum was single most of my life, did the best she could. When I became an adult, she made some decisions I didn’t think were the healthiest. I tried to help her, but she’s her own person, ya know? There’s only so much I can do.”

Aziraphale knew that Crowley was being intentionally vague, but he also had a feeling that Crowley was sharing more than he had with anyone else before. He restrained himself from interrupting and asking more questions. 

“It got to the point where she had to choose to have a relationship with me, or go our separate ways. And...and she made her choice.” Crowley shook his head slightly as if to clear the memories. “I haven’t heard from her in about 5 years. I’m not even sure if she’s still alive.” When he looked back up at Aziraphale his smile was resigned. “That’s pretty much all there is to that. After I found Agnes though, I realized something; family isn’t the people you share blood with, but rather the people you’re willing to bleed for.”

Aziraphale’s heart throbbed in empathy. Aziraphale knew, of course he knew how painful it was when a parent chose not to have a relationship with you. At least Aziraphale had the comfort of knowing his parents were alive, even if they acted like he wasn’t. He knew it was hard to talk about it, but knowing Crowley would probably understand better than anyone made Aziraphale feel brave enough to talk about his parents.

“I told m-my parents I was gay shortly after I started my junior year.” Aziraphale paused, irrationally awaiting the angered and disapproving reaction he had been conditioned to expect when he told people that. When it of course didn’t come, Aziraphale relaxed and continued. “We spent nearly the entire weekend arguing about it. They told me it was a phase at first.” Aziraphale stirred his cocoa sadly, remembering their vehement denial. “Then, when I told them I had felt this way since I was a kid, they tried to tell me I was sick, that I needed to talk to someone.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed his mug away. As he did that Crowley reached out and grabbed his hand. 

“Aziraphale, you’re _not-"_

“I know.” Aziraphale looked up at Crowley to see that he had taken his glasses off and he looked horrified. “I know I’m not sick. Or at least I’m pretty sure I’m not.” Crowley looked like he wanted to open his mouth to argue, but then decided against it. “And-and I told them that. I told them I wasn’t going to see someone to fix me, that I can’t be fixed.” Aziraphale looked away and swallowed hard again. “So... they said I-I wasn’t their son. The next Monday any pictures of me-or us all together around the house were-were gone, they stopped speaking to me, stopped acknowledging me at all really. I just...stopped existing to them.”

Crowley reached across and grabbed Aziraphale’s hand again, pulling him from his miserable train of thought.

“They’re wrong, you know that right? They’re not just wrong, they’re idiots, and you don’t deserve that. Do you believe me angel? You _don’t deserve that._ ”

The earnesty in Crowley’s voice made Aziraphale want to believe him so desperately. How was Crowley so sure? What did he see in Aziraphale? Why did he even want to be around him? Perhaps it was best not to speculate and enjoy it while it lasts. 

“Thank-thank you Crowley.” Aziraphale beamed at him and squeezed his hand, only pulling away when the waiter arrived with their dessert.

  
  


****

Crowley felt sick with the swirl of emotions inside him. He had suspected that things were bad at Aziraphale’s home, but he thought they just didn’t get along. He had no idea that Aziraphale had to endure being treated like that, and for so long. He kept his face calm but he was sure if he wasn’t wearing his glasses Aziraphale would see the rage in his eyes. He also felt physically nauseous with guilt. When he pushed Aziraphale away, he left him alone. For those few weeks Aziraphale didn’t have anyone, not even his own parents. 

_I’ll never leave you again._ Crowley promised silently as he watched Aziraphale get distracted by the gelato that was set in front of them. _I’ll stay right here until you tell me to go angel._ Aziraphale picked up his spoon and made a small happy sound before declaring that it looked “Scrummy.” Crowley was relieved to see that the sadness that had been in the angel’s eyes earlier had vanished.

Crowley tightened his legs together as he sipped his coffee and watched Aziraphale eat gelato. He found out that when Aziraphale bit into the chocolate, the noise he made was similar to the one he made when Crowley sucked on his earlobe. If he had thought distance and time apart would have made him any less attracted to Aziraphale then maybe he really was stupid. Because seeing Aziraphale red cheeked and giggling from his second glass of wine was making Crowley lose his stupid goddamn mind. 

The temperature had dropped steadily over the course of the evening, and while Crowley hated the cold, he was more than happy for an excuse to bundle up close to Aziraphale as they left the cafe and walked to the theatre. Aziraphale happily chatted about the college he liked most while Crowley listened quietly, feeling more peaceful listening to the angel’s voice than he had in over a week. 

When they arrived at the theatre and the show started, Crowley again was more interested in Aziraphale’s reaction than the play itself. Aziraphale watched the actors with rapt attention, eyes wide and taking in everything from the architecture of the theatre to the expressions the actors made. It occurred to Crowley that while he certainly enjoyed watching Aziraphale eat (probably too much) he truly just loved watching the angel enjoy himself. The way he seemed to just lose himself in the things he took pleasure in was intoxicating to watch. 

When the show ended, they ambled back to Cowley’s car, stopping at a cafe first to buy Aziraphale hot chocolate. Aziraphale bubbled happily about the play, which even Crowley had to say was very well performed despite preferring the funny ones. The drive back was much slower this time, they were both reluctant to leave each other’s company. So much so that when Crowley pulled up to the front of Airaphale’s house, Crowley offered to give Aziraphale a ride to school that following Monday as well, which Aziraphale agreed to with little fretting. 

“There was something else I wanted to give you angel.” He started digging through his jacket pockets.

“Really dear you don’t-dont have to, you’ve given me so much already-” He cut himself off when Crowley presented two keys on a small ring. 

“What’s this?”

“It’s a key to the shop, and to my flat. You can stay at my place, if you like.” Aziraphale’s eyes grew to the size of saucers and Crowley cringed. _Shit, shit, too fast._

“Just if you ever need space from them for a bit,” He rushed to reassure. He gestured towards Aziraphale’s house, trying not to let the disgust at Aziraphale’s parents seep into his voice. “You’re welcome to pop by anytime. I can take the couch, or, or if you want space I don’t even have to be there, you know? I can always stay with Agnes if you want to be alone-” Before he could ramble himself into an early grave Aziraphale cut him off with a round soft hand on his arm.

“Crowley?”

“Yeah?”

“What I want... it-it hasn’t changed Crowley.”

Crowley’s eyes widened briefly, before smiling softly. He reached forward and grasped Aziraphale’s hand before bringing it up and kissing the back of it tenderly. It was the first time Crowley kissed him since _that_ day, and his lips still felt like fire; coursing through Aziraphale’s hand and up his arm.

“Me too angel.”

The kiss, the confirmation, it was as good as a promise between them. They still needed to have a full conversation, but this was good enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO EXCITED for the next few chapters you guys! I've got it timed to where we get to the smut next week!!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Crowley,” Aziraphale hated himself for being unable to keep the tremor out of his voice. “what did you go to prison for?”
> 
> And just like that, the warm, concerned expression Aziraphale was talking to suddenly turned into a blank mask. Crowley’s face had become as cold and as hard as a statue. 
> 
> “Seems to me like you already know Aziraphale.” His tone was clipped and neutral. For the first time since being in Crowley’s presence, Aziraphale felt a flicker of fear...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley and Aziraphale need to talk about one more thing...

Aziraphale gently turned the pages of his book, relishing the quiet of the library. Study period was a lovely time for him to catch up on his reading, but lately daydreams of Crowley have taken more of his time, especially since his birthday last week. He smiled as he remembered this morning, getting into the car and nearly being suffocated by Lilith pouncing on him in excitement. He was pulled out of his thoughts however, by Anathema rushing by him, the scent of sage and incense hailing her presence before he saw her. 

“Aziraphale I need to talk to you about Crowley.” Anathema sat down across from him, plopping her stuff loudly down at the library table. Aziraphale frowned; Anathema’s voice was shaking slightly. 

“What-what is it?”

Anathema took a deep breath. “When you said his first name, Anthony, it sounded familiar. I couldn’t get it out of my head, so I googled him.”

Aziraphale felt his stomach start to sink, he had a feeling he knew where this was going. Before he could open his mouth however, Anathema had pushed on.

“And he’s been to prison Aziraphale! Crowley’s a _convict_!”

Aziraphale delicately closed his book and pushed it away. “I know dear. He told me.”

Aziraphale wasn’t sure what he was looking for in Anathema’s reaction, but he certainly didn’t expect to see her face twist into an expression of shock and anger. 

“He told you. And you’re still _seeing_ him? Why? How could you _want_ to? Aziraphale, Crowley’s dangerous-”

“He’s not _dangerous_!” For the first time Aziraphale was having trouble keeping his voice down in a library. “Crowley would never hurt anyone! It’s really unlike you to assume such a thing when you don’t even know him-”

“Assume?” Anathema interjected with a shrill whisper, “It’s not an assumption it’s a fact! I mean-” 

“ _Shhhh_!!”

They both cringed in apology to the librarian who glared at them briefly for their raised voices before moving on to shelve more books. Anathema looked at Aziraphale as though something had just occurred to her. 

“Aziraphale..what did Crowley tell you he went to prison for?”

Aziraphale froze; he had never asked Crowley what he had gone to prison for, or how long he was there. He wondered of course, he just assumed Crowley would tell him when he was ready. It never occurred to Aziraphale to find out on his own. 

“He-he didn’t.”

“He didn’t tell you.” Anathema repeated slowly, her eyes huge behind her glasses.

“He told me he went to prison, but I-um-I never asked. I-ah- assumed he would tell me when he was ready..” It never seemed like a priority for Aziraphale to know. He knew Crowley would never hurt anybody-

“Aziraphale,” Anathema leaned forward slightly to lower her voice. “When Crowley was 18 he was arrested for attempted murder. He was sentenced to three years.”

Aziraphale suddenly felt incredibly cold. That couldn’t be right. This was _Crowley_ ; he liked to say he wasn’t nice but Aziraphale knew better, he _knew_ Crowley was a good person. He would never try to _murder_ someone-

_It has to be a mistake._ Aziraphale felt his thoughts racing, he was clinging onto the edge of the table without realizing it. Yes it has to be, the justice system was far from perfect.

“W-well I mean there must have been some error or-or-”

He was cut off from his rambling by Anathema’s hand reaching across the table and squeezing his tightly. 

“No Aziraphale,” Her eyes were large and brown and sad and Aziraphale couldn’t stand it. “It wasn’t a mistake. He confessed to it Aziraphale. He pled _guilty._ There wasn’t even a trial. It..it wasn’t a mistake. I’m so sorry.”

Aziraphale took a moment to process her words. He wanted to be angry at her, for doing this, throwing this information at him but he knew she was just trying to help. “I...I think I would like to be alone for a bit my dear.”

“I understand.” Anathema started gathering her things. “I’m here if you need anything Aziraphale. Really.”

He could only muster a nod as she walked away. The rest of the day was a blur. The words kept floating around in his mind. _Attempted murder. Pled guilty. Confessed._ When they were in English, part of Aziraphale wanted to corner Anathema and press her for more details, but he was afraid he would be sick if he did. 

That afternoon, Crowley was waiting outside with his car just like he said he would be. Instead of the pleasant warm feeling seeing Crowley usually gave him, it made his stomach drop. He was unusually quiet on the ride to the nursery and it didn’t take long for Crowley to notice. 

“You alright angel?”

“Oh yes I’m fine.” Aziraphale responded a little too quickly. “It’s tickety boo.”

“Tickety boo?” Crowley repeated skeptically; “You know you can talk to me if something happened right? Did that prick Gabriel try something again?”

“No, no, nothing like-like that dear.” Aziraphale reassured. “Although, I do feel quite off. I’d like to talk about it if that’s o-ok?”

“Of course it is angel. I’ll leave the shop closed and we can just go right to the flat for tea, yeah?”

Before long they had arrived at the nursery, where Lilith was eagerly waiting for them with a flower for Aziraphale. They made their way upstairs where Crowley directed Aziraphale to sit while he made them tea. When he brought two steaming mugs over, he sat next to Aziraphale, looking nervous.

“I had an encounter with Anathema today.” Aziraphale began softly, concentrating on his tea. “She is a really great friend, but today she told me something that has left me… out of sorts as it were.”

Crowley didn’t respond, just stayed next to Aziraphale waiting for him to continue. He took a moment to gather his courage. _Attempted murder._ He had to know.

“Crowley,” Aziraphale hated himself for being unable to keep the tremor out of his voice. “what did you go to prison for?”

And just like that, the warm, concerned expression Aziraphale was talking to suddenly turned into a blank mask. Crowley’s face had become as cold and as hard as a statue. 

“Seems to me like you already know Aziraphale.” His tone was clipped and neutral. For the first time since being in Crowley’s presence, Aziraphale felt a flicker of fear.

That fear quickly gave way to anger. “No.”

Crowley’s eyes narrowed “No what?”

“No you don’t get to-to push me away again Crowley!”

“And why should I tell you anything about it?” Crowley snarled; “Seems to me like you’re friend told you all about it if you’re so _out of sorts_ -”

“She told me what you were arrested for” Aziraphale cut him off “But I don’t have any details beyond that Crowley I-”

“So why are you asking then?” Crowley’s voice was angry, but he was shrinking back from Aziraphale as if he were afraid, “Want to know all the juicy details? Want to know how I did it? Want to judge me for yourself-”

“I want to _understand_!” Aziraphale cried, his vision blurring with tears. “I want to hear your side of the story, from _you_! I want you to trust me enough to know that I won’t judge you! Is that so hard to believe?” He turned and angrily wiped at the tears that had spilled from his eyes, but Crowley had already seen. He didn’t say anything but Aziraphale could hear Crowley quietly scooting closer to him. 

“Fuck, I’m..I’m sorry Aziraphale..” He reached out and gently placed his hands on Aziraphale’s, on top of his lap. When Aziraphale grabbed them and squeezed Crowley felt encouraged to continue. 

“I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions like that. I should’ve told you a lot sooner. I’m sorry you had to find out like that.”

“C-Crowley..” Aziraphale took a moment to gather his thoughts. “I trust you, I still trust you. But… I need to know Crowley, please. I promise not to judge you-”

Crowley laughed quietly, but there was no humor behind it. When he looked up Crowley’s glasses were firmly in place and his mouth was set in a hard line. 

“I’ll tell you angel, I’ll tell you everything, I’ll start from the beginning, and I’ll answer any questions when I’m done. But save your promises for after. Don’t want you making any you can’t keep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week, Crowley tells a story, and Aziraphale makes a decision....
> 
> I'm sorry if this one is a little shorter! I had to break it up, but the next chapter will be longer ❤️


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Aziraphale was quiet while Crowley got his breathing under control, wanting desperately to hold him but felt glued in place. Part of him wanted Crowley to stop, but Aziraphale knew he had to listen to the end. Crowley stroked Lilith’s head for a long time, and when he was more composed, he clasped his hands together and stared into space...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am almost positive that the research I did for this chapter got me placed on SEVERAL watchlists! 😅 I appreciate everyone who stuck through that cliffhanger last week!
> 
> CW: Domestic violence, panic attacks

Crowley clasped his hands together tightly, taking several fortifying breaths before he began speaking.

“When I was a teenager, I was back and forth between couch surfing with friends and staying with my mum and her boyfriend. Her boyfriend Lucian, was a complete psychopath. He slithered into the picture when I was fifteen, and somehow convinced my mum that she couldn’t live without him. He had such a grip on her; when he called her names, beat the hell out of her, beat the hell out of me, even kicked her out of her own _home_ she always took him back, no matter what he did. He was a lot bigger than me and when he got into his rages there wasn’t much I could do, so I avoided the place as much as possible. I kept a decent indoor garden at her flat, and I usually only visited long enough to water my plants and check on mum.”

“On June 27th, I was out with some friends and I get a call from mum. She sounded so strange, like her voice was muffled, and goes in asking all these questions about my plants, like if any of them could be made into tea, what they taste like, just..weird questions.”

“I had several kinds of flowers and fruits that could be ingested, and other plants that were poisonous. I told her again and again that anything could be eaten or brewed into tea _except_ the belladonna and the foxglove. When we got off the phone I even texted her pictures of the plants so she could know what they looked like and avoid them.”

“A couple of hours after we hung up, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and I called it an early night. About a quarter til 10, I head to mum’s. I dialed her again and again, they all went to voicemail; so by the time I got there I was frantic, bangin’ on the door, yellin 'nd all that.”

Crowley took off his glasses and closed his eyes tightly; when he opened them again, they were haunted.

“When mum opened the door, I..I barely recognized her.” Crowley took a trembling breath, forcing his next words out through gritted teeth. “Her face was all black and blue, her nose was broken, some teeth were gone..she-she was missing a piece of her _fucking ear_.” His voice broke, his breath started coming in short bursts. Lilith got up and placed her front paws on his lap, whining softly at Crowley’s distress.

Aziraphale was quiet while Crowley got his breathing under control, wanting desperately to hold him but felt glued in place. Part of him wanted Crowley to stop, but Aziraphale knew he had to listen to the end. Crowley stroked Lilith’s head for a long time, and when he was more composed, he clasped his hands together and stared into space. 

“As soon as I saw her, I said I was gonna kill him. Started yelling that if I saw Lucian again he was dead. Mum stepped outside to calm me down, we shared a cigarette and went inside. It was about 10:30 at this point.”

“When we went inside, I walked past the doorway and the first thing I see is Lucian. He’s on the ground, gasping and laying in his own vomit. I saw the whiskey glass and the tea mug on the coffee table, and...and I knew. Foxglove causes vomiting, and belladonna causes respiratory failure. They taste sweet, and you don’t need much to get a lethal dose.”

Aziraphale gasped, clapping his hands over his mouth, but Crowley didn’t acknowledge him. In fact Crowley’s voice had lost all emotion, continuing in a monotone and staring at nothing. 

“I’m looking at Lucian, watching him choke and start to turn blue. And then...then I just stepped over him, walked into the bathroom to grab a first aid kit, and patched up mum as best I could. After that, we stayed in the bedroom a while; talking about nothing memorable.” 

Crowley huffed an incredulous, humorless laugh and shook his head, “We-we played rummy, even braided each others hair like it was a fucking slumber party and there wasn’t a dead body in the living room. It was the closest I had been to my mum since I was a kid, and it felt like I wasn’t even in my own body.”

“By the time midnight rolled around, I had to leave. I needed some space to figure out what the fuck mum and I were gonna do next. I head for the door and I see Lucian’s _still alive_ somehow; barely breathing, purple lips, bulged out eyes just staring at me. So..so I stepped over his body again, and walked out.”

“I wandered around, not really seeing where I was going, not thinking about anythin’ really. When I made it back to the flat, the sun was starting to rise. He wasn’t there anymore when I got back, I found out later that she had called for an ambulance shortly after I left and was at the hospital with him. Slept on the couch for a bit, until the police came knocking; they cuffed me and brought me in for questioning.”

“Lucian was in a coma when I was arrested, but the blood work at the hospital showed large amounts of tropane alkaloids and cardenolides in his system.The police saw the pictures of the plants I sent to mum when she was questioned, and figured out the effects of their toxins matched Lucian’s symptoms. They found out that those plants were in my garden; they had CCTV footage of me standing outside of the flat around the time he was poisoned. They talked to neighbors who heard me yelling that I was gonna kill him. That was all they needed to know. When they presented their evidence, I never denied it. I told them exactly what they wanted to hear.”

“You-you..” Aziraphale swallowed hard, shivering like he had been doused with freezing water. “You took the blame for what your mother did...”

Crowley nodded, still not looking at Aziraphale. 

“And your mother l-let you? Wasn’t she questioned first?”

Crowley smiled wryly, “Yeah, but she was smart. She refused to say a word until she had a lawyer present. It takes time to get a public defender to come to the police station at 5 in the morning. By the time a lawyer did show up I had already confessed, and all she had to do was corroborate the story.”

“But.. why Crowley?”

He shrugged “I figured Mum had suffered enough. I wasn’t there to protect her from Lucian all the times he hurt her, but I could protect her from this, you know?”

Aziraphale didn’t know. He didn’t know how his mother could have just let Crowley fall on the sword for her like that. All the same he believed Crowley; he knew by now how deeply Crowley cared about the ones he loved more than he cared about himself. He could even picture Crowley in some dirty police station, his mask of indifference on while joking and antagonizing a police officer. 

“On July 1st was charged with first degree attempted murder. The prosecution decided me having the plants to begin with counted as premeditation. Lucian ended up pulling through, otherwise it would have been a murder charge in the first degree.”

“I lucked out though, I was assigned a hardass public defender named Shadwell; everyone thought he was nuts. I knew I would lose, so he was the first person I told the truth about what happened that night. Shadwell couldn’t talk me out of taking the blame, but he did take me on pro bono. He prioritized my case and brought my charges down to second degree attempted murder. He subpoenaed hospitals submitted medical reports of what Lucian did to mum whenever he put her in the hospital to the courts, arguing that I acted in defense and fear for my mother and I's safety. Finally he appealed to my age, making some long winded speech about ‘potential’ and shit, I don’t know.”

Crowley was quiet for a long time then, and Aziraphale started thinking Crowley finished his story when he spoke again. 

“In the end, I took a plea deal and it never went to trial. I plead guilty to attempted murder in the second degree, and was sentenced to three years at HMP Pentonville Prison, north of the city. But ‘cuz of overcrowding and good behavior, I was released after 18 months, just after I turned 21. Was on parole for another 18 months after that.”

Crowley rubbed at his face with both hands, sighing heavily. “I adopted Lilith a few months after I was released. I couldn’t find a job, no one would hire me with my record and no secondary education. No one would rent to me because of breed restrictions against bull terriers, so I was homeless. I left London, driving and taking odd jobs to fill up my petrol tank and keep Lilith fed while we slept in my car. Ran out of gas in Tadfield and the rest..is history I guess.”

Aziraphale sat there, dumbstruck and overwhelmed at the Crowley’s story. The words and details jumbled around in his skull, hearing the words but struggling to comprehend them. One question sprung to his mind that he was afraid to ask, but needed to know.

“Crowley..what-what happened to your mother?”

Crowley bit his lip so hard it turned white under his sharp teeth. “She was thankful in the beginning, and she visited me whenever she could. Things weren’t great, but they were better. But..but when Lucian got out of the hospital, she took him back to her home for outpatient rehab. Said it was because she felt guilty, that he had nowhere else to go. A few months go by and she starts visiting less and less. Eventually I figured out it was because they were back together; she had to wait for the bruises to clear up before coming by because she knew I would ask questions.”

Even though it had been years since this happened, the look of anguish on Crowley’s face told Aziraphale that this wound was still very raw. 

“The last time she visited, I told her I couldn’t do it anymore. I loved her, I wanted to help her and have a relationship with her, but I couldn’t watch while someone slowly killed her and I couldn’t do anything about it because I’m in fucking prison. I told her to choose between me and him, and..and she made her choice. She stopped visiting about halfway through my sentence. I haven’t seen her since; when I was released I didn’t try to contact her.”

It was only the feeling of Lilith licking his face that made Aziraphale realize he had tears streaming down his cheeks. The next few moments were spent in agonizing silence. He remembered Crowley had once said he wasn’t even sure his mum was alive anymore. For all they knew, she could have been killed by--

“Angel, say something.” Crowley pleaded quietly.

“Crowley- I..that’s…”

“I get it, it’s a lot. And I’m sorry, I should have told you sooner; it’s still hard to talk about.”

Aziraphale had to force his next words out. “I think.. I think I need some time to process this.” He held back a sob at the way Crowley’s face fell.

“Sure, of course an-Aziraphale. Whatever you need” Crowley looked so defeated and resigned that Aziraphale immediately wanted to take the words back. But he needed to take a step back to think about what this could possibly mean for them. How they were going to move forward from this.

"I'll come b-back soon Crowley."

Crowley shook his head, clearly not believing him. "Take as long as you need. I'll understand, whatever you decide."

Aziraphale felt like he could barely breath. He stood up on shaky legs and walked to the door; he knew that if he saw Crowley in pain for much longer he may never be able to leave, so he didn't look back as he shut the door behind him.

  
  
  


***

After Aziraphale left, Crowley fell deeper into his memories. Arguing with his mother, the sound of those doors in Pentonville shutting behind him. The finality of that sound. The clinking of his handcuffs. He could still feel them. Why could he still feel them? He clawed at his wrists, his breathing becoming shrill and ragged. 

It had been a long time since Lilith had to use her service training, but she still remembered. As Crowley paced and gasped, she followed him, raising a paw or licking his fingers when he tried to scratch at his wrists, or raising on her hind legs when he reached up to grab and pull at his hair. As soon as Crowley sat back down Lilith was on him, forcing him to lay down as she placed her full weight on top of him. She immediately began deep pressure therapy, grounding Crowley with her weight and pulling him out of his head by licking his face and ears. 

Crowley wrapped his arms around Lilith, listening to her calm heartbeat and trying to match his breathing with hers. Eventually, thankfully, Crowley felt himself start to relax as he named 3 things he could hear, 2 things he could touch, and 1 thing he could smell. When he eventually pushed Lilith off, she made sure he was truly ok before wandering off with her stuffie. He didn’t get up from the couch, instead wrapping his arms around himself. Crowley knew he would fuck this up, drive Aziraphale away. He had no one to blame but himself for this either. Did he really think he could hide what he was? He was a convict, he was stupid to think anyone would see him as anything other than a felon.

***

Aziraphale regretted leaving almost as soon as he made it down the stairs, but he couldn’t bring himself to turn around yet. 

When Aziraphale had gotten home, his parents were on the couch watching a movie. They didn’t look up when he entered. When he had gotten to the kitchen he could see by the dishes in the sink that they already had dinner.

Aziraphale had felt a flash of white hot rage. For the first time in his life he felt the urge to destroy the things around him. Shatter their china, scatter the ‘good’ silverware’ all over the floor, even tip the fridge over. Something to get a reaction out of them. Anything for them to see him, for them to just. fucking. see him.

Almost as soon as the anger made its presence known however, he felt it drain out of him. In spite of everything, he still loved his parents, even if he couldn’t remember the last time they had returned the sentiment. 

_But love isn’t supposed to feel like this, is it? Unseen, ostracized, and ashamed?_ Aziraphale’s parents' love was conditional to him meeting their standards. It wasn’t until Crowley loved him, wanted Aziraphale to be happy, said he wanted to build a life with Aziraphale that he realized he was so tired of reaching for their approval when he wasn’t even sure he wanted it anymore. Crowley’s words from their day in London echoed in his mind.

_They’re wrong, you know that right? They’re not just wrong, they’re idiots, and you don’t deserve that. Do you believe me angel? You don’t deserve that._

Crowley was right. Aziraphale didn’t deserve this. He didn’t do anything wrong, and no matter what he did it would never be enough. But Crowley’s love wasn’t conditional. It was something he gave freely and in abundance. To Crowley Aziraphale was always enough, and he was never afraid to tell him or show him that.

But Crowley never expected to be anyone’s first choice; he even expected Aziraphale to leave, and let him go despite it clearly hurting him. And even after sacrificing his reputation and his freedom for his mother, so obviously showing her how much he loved her, she didn’t choose him. 

*Aziraphale wasn’t as blind or as selfish as Crowley’s mother however, he could see Crowley loved him, and he knew that Crowley deserved to be loved just as intensely as he loved others. Crowley deserved to have someone put him first, to choose and accept him as the beautiful and complex person he is. He should never have left Crowley, he needed him now, needed to be Aziraphale's priority. With that in mind, and his decision made, Aziraphale ran upstairs, filled his bag some clothes, and walked back out the door. His parents still didn’t look up.

The walk back to the nursery felt longer this time. It was approaching dusk, and he was eager to get to Crowley before he went to bed. He used the key to let himself back into the shop and quietly climbed the stairs. He debated letting himself in but then he knocked before he would consider that. 

Crowley opened the door almost immediately, the sight of his pale face and red rimmed eyes made Aziraphale’s heart ache and surge with the desire to comfort, to love. 

“Aziraphale…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's Crowley's backstory! He went through so much, he sacrificed so much and his mother still didn't choose him even after what he did for her. It's awful, but it made him stronger, even more loving. He started TAILS because he knew what it felt like to be cast aside, to try and try and still not be enough, and he doesn't want anyone, person or pupper to feel that way. And it may have taken Aziraphale a minute to process this but he got there eventually! What did you think??
> 
> *I did want to comment on Aziraphale calling Crowley's mother blind and selfish. This is the impression he has gotten from her because he is angry on Crowley's behalf. The REALITY is that Crowley's mother was a very damaged person, and was still a victim in this situation. Aziraphale will also realize that as time goes on and he matures.
> 
> *Looks in telescope* Ahoy! Thar be smut ahead!! For the next few chapters actually, we're done being patient 😉🥵


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve never been in love before, but I-I know I love you Crowley. I don’t care about your p-past, I just want to be part of your future. I choose you Crowley-..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To paraphrase my absolute favorite Tik Tok, "Put your phones on silent, and shut your fucking mouths, the show is about to begin" 😎

“Aziraphale..”

“I’ve thought about it Crowley.” The unquestionable certainty that he was making the right choice made Aziraphale feel brave. He stepped inside as Crowley stepped back, eyes shocked and disbelieving. 

“Angel..” Crowley breathed.

“I’ve never been in love before, but I-I know I love you Crowley. I don’t care about your p-past, I just want to be part of your future. I choose _you_ Crowley-”

Crowley cut him off with a kiss, bruising and claiming. _Me. He chose me. He loves me._ Aziraphale tried briefly to keep up, eager and inexperienced, before dropping his bag and submitting to Crowley’s onslaught. He walked them blindly to his sofa, sitting and pulling Aziraphale down to straddle him, never once separating their mouths. Eventually when they needed to breathe Aziraphale pulled away but didn’t go far.

“Take me Crowley? I’m-I’m ready, I want you” Aziraphale rained small kisses over Crowley's face, an adorable furrow between his brows, as if he was worried Crowley would pull away again.

“Yesss, fuck angel are you sure?” Instead of answering verbally he attacked Crowley’s mouth again, pulling a growl from Crowley’s throat.

Aziraphale’s scent was intoxicating, leaving Crowley shaky and breathless. Kissing someone had never been like this for him before; the rest of the world falling away, his very blood pulsing with need every time their lips connected. Their mouths were a clash of tongue and teeth, desperate and frantic. He felt like his skin was on fire, and Aziraphale sounded like he was on the verge of hyperventilating; his angel needed this, needed to be taken care of.

“Need-need to come.” Crowley held Aziraphale’s hips and started to roll their erections together through their clothes in a slow, steady rhythm. “Need to make you come.” Aziraphale gasped at the friction, already feeling himself getting close.

“Too-too soon.” Aziraphale whimpered, “Don’t want it to end..” 

“Shhh sweetheart shhh” Crowley crooned softly, “Just gonna- _ah_ -gonna take the edge off ok baby? We have all night”

Crowley gripped Aziraphale tightly and flipped their positions, depositing Aziraphale in a sitting position on the couch before sliding to his knees between Aziraphale’s legs, never separating his mouth from Aziraphale. Crowley slid his hands up and down plump thighs before stroking the wet spot forming in his angel’s trousers.

“We’re not gonna stop angel.” Crowley began opening Aziraphale’s trousers with trembling hands. “We’re just getting started ok? Gonna make you come so many times tonight love, suck you and fuck you over and over, ‘til you beg me to stop. Gonna make you _mine_.”

Aziraphale cried out softly against Crowley’s mouth, gripping his hair and drawing a groan from him. His hips arched and grinded against Crowley’s palm in an unsteady rhythm.

“You like that huh?” Crowley buried his face in the crook of Aziraphale’s neck, kissing that soft round chin. “You wanna be mine? Want me to take you? I want you, fuck I want you for my _own_.”

“Oh God _Crowley_ , I’m- I’m going to-”

“Shhh, I’ve got you Angel” 

He got his trousers open and lifted Aziraphale’s hips briefly to yank them down with his pants. When he got them down Crowley sat back on his heels and had to take a moment to stare in reverence. Aziraphale was smaller than average but the perfect thickness, flushed and leaking; the sweet scent of his arousal permeated the air and made Crowley’s mouth water.

_Fuck_ _he looks beautiful like this_. Flushed and utterly wrecked, Aziraphale eyes were feverish and fluttering, looking down at Crowley in disbelief and awe. 

_I will do anything to keep you looking at me like that._ Crowley knew this with a certainty that went bone-deep. _Anything, whatever it takes; oh god you look like you love me._ Unable to wait any longer, Crowley lunged forward and swallowed Aziraphale down to the root. 

“Oh fuck, _fuck_!” Crowley’s mouth had barely closed around Aziraphale’s cock before he was spilling onto Crowley’s tongue with a high pitched cry, hips spasming from the force of it. Crowley swallowed eagerly, groaning in approval and encouragement, sucking him through to extend his orgasm as long as possible. 

When Aziraphale finally went lax and slumped back against the couch panting, Crowley gently pulled off and tenderly kissed the inside of his thighs, nuzzling every stretch mark he found. Crowley looked up to see Aziraphale blushing and averting his eyes, looking bashful of all things. 

Heart overflowing with affection, he gently pulled Aziraphale’s trousers back up his legs and Aziraphale tucked himself back in. He still hadn’t spoken and Crowley was getting a little concerned.

“You ok sweetheart?” 

****

Aziraphale took a shaking breath, the sound of his blood rushing through his ears fading enough for him to hear Crowley’s question. 

“Kiss me please.”

Aziraphale had barely finished his plea before Crowley rushed up and his mouth was hot and hungry against his own. This time their kiss was less frantic but just as passionate. He sighed into Crowley’s mouth, welcoming his searching tongue and whined at the taste of himself on Crowley. 

“You taste good don’t you?” Crowley grunted against Azirapahle’s lips, who nodded weakly. “So good, did so well for me angel, gave me exactly what I wanted.”

Aziraphale shuddered at the praise, already feeling his cock starting to twitch again with interest. He understood what Crowley meant by taking the edge off; the want was still there, aching and hot, but he didn’t feel delirious with it anymore. He was still embarrassed by his inexperience and quick finish, but he was so glad Crowley was here. Crowley knew what Aziraphale needed, how to take care of him.

He pulled back and regarded Crowley with hooded eyes. He looked nearly feral, pupils blown wide; his chest was heaving and he was trembling from self-restraint. _I’m doing this to you_ Aziraphale thought in wonder. _This is because of me_.

Aziraphale leaned in to kiss him again; Crowley seemed content to let Aziraphale control the pace this time; in fact Crowley had relaxed somewhat and was emitting a low, pleased rumbling sound, and Aziraphale wasn’t sure Crowley was even aware he was making it. When he felt his lungs beginning to protest, Aziraphale pulled away reluctantly. 

“Bed?”

“Ngk-y-yeah, bed.” Crowley croaked, “Absolutely. Got one of those.” He pulled himself onto shaky knees before pulling Aziraphale by the hand to the last room in the hallway.

“Out.” Crowley rasped at Lilith, who made a quick exit. When the door shut behind her Crowley turned around and walked Aziraphale backwards until they both collapsed on his bed, pawing at each other’s clothes. When they were fully naked, the feel of Crowley’s skin pressed up against his forced a wonton, tortured sound from the back of Aziraphale's throat that would have humiliated him if Crowley hadn’t sounded just as affected.

“Can I t-touch you Crowley?” Aziraphale whispered, surprised when he saw what he thought was a look of self-consciousness flash across Crowley’s face. “Please?”

Crowley swallowed hard and nodded, changing their positions so that he was laying on his back and Aziraphale was leaning over him. Aziraphale sat back and took a moment to just stare at Crowley, utterly enchanted by his love’s lean angles, freckled skin and beautiful tattoos. 

He drifted his gaze downwards where he finally got a good look at Crowley’s cock for the first time. He had never seen another man’s cock before, and Crowley’s was stunning; straining towards his abdomen, dripping, and hard enough to look almost painful. He felt his eyes widen when he regarded the length. Without thinking Aziraphale reached forward to collect a drop of the pearly fluid from the tip of his cock onto his fingertip and sucked it into his mouth, closing his eyes and savoring this taste of _Crowley_.

“Oh _fuck_ angel, shit..” Crowley looked shocked and sounded wrecked. Aziraphale leaned back and ran his hand down Crowley’s leg.

“Aziraphale...” He never really cared for the sound of his name before, but hearing it drip from Crowley’s lips like a prayer? It had never sounded sweeter. Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s ankle and pressed a kiss into the arch of his foot, relishing Crowley’s soft whimper.

Aziraphale placed soft, sucking kisses up Crowley’s leg, while his hand stroked up and down his sinewy body. He didn’t have any experience, but he had read enough to get an idea of what a potential lover might like. Shoving aside his insecurities about his inexperience, he focused on kissing all the places on Crowley’s body he fantasized about.

He was spurred on by the sounds Crowley was making, every gasp and twitch emitted making Aziraphale feel a rush of love that he was trusted to see Crowley vulnerable like this. It was liberating too, he realized as he laved his tongue across Crowley’s sharp hip bone, to know now that this could never be wrong; to love someone like this, to _be_ loved like this. 

He continues to make his way up Crowley’s body, licking his rib cage and sucking one of Crowley’s nipples into his mouth, groaning softly in sympathy at Crowley’s ragged keen.

Suddenly Aziraphale was being pulled back up and flipped onto his back again. He landed with a surprised squeak before Crowley leaned down for another deep and filthy kiss that left him whimpering and gasping. When Crowley pulled away, his eyes looked wild. 

“Angel..” Crowley’s voice was rough and pleading, barely above a growl. Aziraphale immediately parted his legs at the sound, bracketing Crowley in between them.

“F-fuck me,” He bleated, voice trembling with emotion as he reached up to gently caress Crowley’s face and trace his lips. “”Please Crowley, I-I need it.”

“I know Angel, I know what you need, I’ll take care of you.”

Crowley reached for his bedside table and pulled out a bottle of lube and poured a generous amount onto his palm. Aziraphale had gotten worked up again into full hardness, throbbing and eager. Crowley leaned down and lapped up the small beads of precome that had leaked out onto his stomach before swallowing him again. 

Because of his earlier orgasm, Aziraphale was able to hold on this time and enjoy Crowley’s mouth. He moaned loudly, his chest heaving with gasps as his hips twitched uncontrollably when Crowley slowly took him all the way in. He cried out when he felt a lubed finger graze his entrance.

“ _Ah!_ Crowley..” 

“Shhh, shh.. I’m here angel” He slowly traced and massaged the ring of muscle before gently pressing the finger in, both of them moaning from the sensation. The intimacy of this act was nearly overwhelming; looking into each other's eyes, gasping softly. He looked at Aziraphale with such _love_. For the first time in his life Aziraphale felt beautiful and desired, and it almost brought tears to his eyes.

Crowley gently and lovingly opened Aziraphale up, teasing a spot inside Aziraphale that made him jolt like he had been shocked. By the time Crowley had worked three fingers inside of Aziraphale, they were both sweating and panting, squirming against the sheets.

“Ohhh fuck honey you ready? Hmm? Ready for me?”

“Please, C-Crowley, oh, oh _please_..” Aziraphale started begging softly. 

“Ok love, ok..” Crowley quickly slicked himself and added more to Aziraphale’s entrance before aligning himself. He very slowly pushed through Aziraphale’s rim, the stretch eased by preparation. Aziraphale gasped softly and laid back, baring his throat. When the head of his cock slipped inside Crowley froze, looking down at Aziraphale with wide eyes.

*****

Crowley wasn’t prepared. He expected this wet heat, this tightness, but he truly hadn’t been prepared for this perfection, how utterly right it would feel to be inside this ethereal, beautiful _angel_. To have those stunning blue eyes were staring up at him with adoration, like he was somehow _worthy_ of this.

For a moment Crowley just panted and stared down at Aziraphale. He knew that if he pushed in further, he was going to break down crying, or just shatter into a million pieces. He had no idea, no idea that anything could feel this good. He was still trying to control his breathing when Aziraphale reached up and gently tucked a lock of red hair behind his ear, caressing his cheek. 

“ _Crowley_..”

Crowley could let go; was finally safe. He was supposed to fall apart- Aziraphale would catch him, take all his pieces and make something better. All this time, Crowley had been terrified that being around Aziraphale was somehow tainting the angel, dragging him down with his darkness. But it was actually the other way around, instead of Crowley getting Aziraphale’s soul dirty, Aziraphale was scrubbing his clean, just by being himself; his beautiful, fussy self. Aziraphale was going to accept him. 

Crowley slid slowly the rest of the way inside, when he was fully seated a sob pushed past his clenched teeth. Aziraphale had tears in his eyes too, sparkling against his sky blue eyes like diamonds.

“ _Ohh,_ oh Crowley I _feel_ you..” He gently pushed his hips against Crowley’s, wrapping his legs around his waist to encourage him to move.

Crowley slowly drew out and thrust forward again, making them both cry out. Crowley felt like he was losing his mind, burning out of his skin. 

“Angel,” Crowley’s voice was cracked, “Baby, I-I can’t hold back anymore I’m sorry-”

“I don’t want you to.” Aziraphale growled softly, his wide eyes fiery and determined. “I’m yours now love, so take me.”

Of their own accord, Crowley’s hips began driving into Aziraphale in a fast, brutal rhythm. Pinning him down, Crowley fucked Aziraphale into the mattress like the world was ending. The smell of sweat and sex filled the room, and Aziraphale’s loud moans were music to his ears.

“It’s- _oh!_ It’s so good Crowley” Aziraphale babbled, “Oh fuck, oh my god don’t stop _please_.” 

“Mine.” Crowley bent down to lick and bite his marks on Aziraphale’s neck, claiming him with every snap of his hips. “Mine, mine **_mine_**.”

“Oh god! Yes-Crowley! Yours- _oh fuck_ , only yours.”

Crowley was quickly hurtling towards his end, but was determined to see Aziraphale come before him, fall apart on his cock. He propped himself on one hand snaked the other in between them, grasping Aziraphale wet prick. He immediately felt Aziraphale begin to clench around him.

“Thats- _oh fuck_ -that’s it angel.” Crowley gave a final burst of speed, “You’re so beautiful, come for me now, give it to me..”

Crowley felt Aziraphale’s nails scratch lines down his back as tremors wracked through him, spilling over Crowley’s fist and on their stomachs. Crowley lasted a few more hard thrusts before his own orgasm shot down his spine and he fell apart like he knew he would, burying his head into Aziraphale’s neck and sobbing out his release in a chant. “I love you, I love you, _I love you_..”

When Crowley had some control of his limbs again, he pulled out slowly and grabbed his undershirt from the floor to clean Aziraphale with. Aziraphale was flushed a stunning pink, gazing at Crowley serenely through glazed and half-lidded eyes. 

When he finished cleaning Aziraphale and himself, and reached over to turn off the light, the last thing he heard before succumbing to sleep was his angel. 

“I love you too...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see, the chapter count went up again, because I couldn't stop writing smut for these two. I hope this was worth the wait and the slow burn between these two! 🥵🔥❤️


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Crowley held him like he was precious; told him he was precious, beautiful, desired and worshipped. The intimacy and raw honesty in Crowley’s voice, made the back of his eyes burn and a lump form in his throat. Affection and love washed over Aziraphale in waves and he had never felt more safe..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just fluff, sex, and feels today ❤️❤️

A few hours after they fell asleep, Aziraphale woke up feeling almost feverish. One of Crowley’s hard thighs was between his legs, and he started mindlessly grinding against it. He whimpered with frustration; it wasn’t enough. He started stroking Crowley’s chest, trailing fingers over his nipples and petting the line of ginger hair that trailed below his navel. Crowley turned his head and groaned softly before cracking his eyes open. 

“I’m sorry Crowley,” He whined softly, still rocking against Crowley’s leg. “I just...Crowley _please_ , I-I need…” Before Aziraphale could finish, Crowley was leaning over him in a swift movement; his gaze heated and intense.

“Tell me” His voice was gravelly from sleep. “Tell me what you need”

Aziraphale raised his head to kiss Crowley, urgent and hungry. Too soon however, Crowley pulled away, his breath hot against his ear. Aziraphale clutched him tightly, refusing to let him go far.

“I’m here angel,” Crowley rumbled, “I’ve got you. I’ll give you what you need. My hand?” He began to gently roll his hips against Aziraphale, who gasped and started making small little noises in the back of his throat. “My mouth? Need me to suck you? Need my cock?”

The thought of Crowley fucking him made Aziraphale arch against him. “Yes,” He nuzzled the side of Crowley’s neck, taking a deep breath of his scent. “Yes, Crowey, inside again.”

“Are you sure honey? You’re probably sore..”

“ _Again_ Crowley,” Aziraphale knew he sounded petulant, but he was too far gone to pretend to be coy.

“Greedy little angel,” Crowley sounded pleased. “Turn over for me sweetheart, and tell me if anything hurts or it’s too much ok?”

Aziraphale nodded and rushed to turn over, feeling a shiver of anticipation when he heard the bottle cap of the lubricant being popped open. Two slick fingers easily slipping inside him made them both moan.

“Oh, Christ you're still open for me..” Crowley sounded almost in pain as he gently fingered Aziraphale, getting him wet before positioning himself and sliding in with one smooth thrust, raggedly whispering Aziraphale’s name. Aziraphale gasped then sighed with relief, feeling relaxed and complete again. 

“That’s it, there you are... I’m here now my angel.” Crowley pressed his mouth tight against Aziraphale’s neck and growled, letting him adjust for a moment before starting to roll his hips, keeping his body tightly pressed against Aziraphale’s back.

The pace wasn’t desperate like the first time; instead slow and gentle. Aziraphale lost himself to the slow build up of pleasure, mewling softly every time Crowley’s cock hit that delightful spot inside Aziraphale over and over. Crowley pressed open-mouthed kisses along his neck and shoulder, crooning constant praises in his ear as he ran his hand up and down Aziraphale’s body. 

“I have you angel. That’s what you needed isn’t love? Needed to be filled up? I’ll always take care of you sweetheart, oh fuck Aziraphale I love you. I love you so much angel.”

Aziraphale understood what it meant now to make love with someone. Crowley held him like he was precious; told him he was precious, beautiful, desired and worshipped. The intimacy and raw honesty in Crowley’s voice, made the back of his eyes burn and a lump form in his throat. Affection and love washed over Aziraphale in waves and he had never felt more safe.

“C-Crowley, its-it’s so much!” Aziraphale whimpered as some stray tears leaked out of the corner of his eyes. Crowley growled softly and leaned forward to kiss and nuzzle his jawline.

“I know honey, I know.” Aziraphale gasped as he felt Crowley’s lips on the shell of his ear as he spoke. “It’s a lot, but you're doing so well, so good for me, taking everything I have to give you, letting me fill you up with my love like this. Wanna give you everything angel, wanna make you come. Can you come for me?”

Then Crowley reached around and wrapped his hand around Aziraphale, stroking lazily in time with his thrusts. There was heat and bliss and murmured devotions and Aziraphale cried out softly as he came over Crowley’s fist and sheets. He reached behind him to hold Crowley’s hip, encouraging him to find his release too. Before long Crowley followed Aziraphale over the edge, shuddering and throbbing inside Aziraphale.

Aziraphale was almost asleep again when he felt Crowley withdraw. He was vaguely aware of Crowley gently cleaning him and tugging the sheets around him before slipping back into a peaceful sleep.

*****

When Aziraphale woke again, he reached to find the other side of the bed empty, and more concerningly, cold. He turned his head towards the window and it was still dark outside, the clock showing it was close to 5. He sat up, wincing at the soreness in his backside as he pulled on his underwear and wrapped the duvet around himself. He padded softly out of the bedroom into the living area to see Crowley on the couch typing on a laptop. His face was illuminated by the screen and Aziraphale grinned as he took in the reading glasses perched on Crowley’s nose.

Crowley seemed to sense Aziraphale’s staring and raised his eyes with a gentle smile. 

“Alright angel?”

“I missed you,” Aziraphale felt strangely shy as he approached Crowley. “What are-are you doing?”

“Just something for TAILS, it’s taking a little longer than I thought.” Crowley frowned at the screen before turning back to Aziraphale; “You can go back to bed if you're still tired, love.”

Aziraphale shook his head, instead crossing the room to curl himself on the couch, leaning on Crowley’s shoulder. “And miss the sight of you in those dashing glasses? Not likely.”

Crowley seemed to remember that he was wearing the glasses as he briefly pulled them off, “Makes screens easier on the eyes.” He grumbled quietly as he fiddled with them.

“Of course dear, it’s quite important to take care of aging eyes.”

“Cheeky,” Crowley huffed a small laugh as he put the glasses back on, leaning back so Aziraphale could rest against Crowley more comfortably. For a moment the only sounds were Lilith’s light snoring from her crate and the sounds of Crowley typing. 

Aziraphale blinked blearily at Crowley’s screen; “What are you working on?”

“Training plan for a dog of ours.” Crowley navigated through some screens and brought up a picture of a black and brown dog with grey around his muzzle. “Came from a neglectful home. He’s done great in socializing, but the trainer ran into a roadblock with resource guarding so we are reevaluating his training plan. He’s an older dog so some of the training skills that we use on puppies won’t necessarily be as successful.”

“Why?”

“Because there’s an element of distrust. Resource guarding is a completely normal behavior, but it can be corrected by training the animal to learn certain commands like ‘drop it’ or ‘trade.’ But the dog has to _trust_ that he will get the resource back. So in Cain’s case,” Crowley gestured toward the picture; “we have to build the trust before we train.”

Aziraphale loved watching Crowley like this; in his element, confident in his knowledge. It was the same when he saw Crowley working with farmers at the nursery. His train of thought was cut off when he heard whining coming from Lilith’s crate. Gradually the whining got louder, and the shuffling in the crate got more frantic. Aziraphale sat up in concern, but Crowley just picked up his phone and pressed some buttons. He put on a song and a soothing flamenco guitar started playing and drifting through the room. Within moments the whining died down and the shuffling ceased in her crate.

When Aziraphale looked at him questioningly, Crowley shrugged. “She gets nightmares sometimes.”

Aziraphale snuggled back against Crowley, “From when she was a puppy?”

“Mmhmm. For some reason Raphael Cortes always relaxed her.” Crowley slipped his arm under the blanket to stroke the bare skin of his back. Aziraphale allowed himself to be distracted by the sensation for a moment before remembering his question. 

“Do-do you ever have dogs that you can’t train? Ones that are beyond help?”

“I never met a dog that’s beyond help. There will always be dogs that sometimes have special needs sure, but people are like that too. But almost everything responds well to love and patience.”

“Even plants?” Aziraphale already knew the answer but he couldn’t resist teasing him.

“ _Except_ plants, little bastards need a firm hand or they think they can get away with anything.”

Instead of turning back to his work, Crowley kept his eyes on Aziraphale. He reached down and gently traced the purple and red marks around he left on Aziraphale’s neck and shoulders. 

“I was too rough with you.” Crowley looked a little guilty. Aziraphale blinked sleepily at Crowley before shaking his head and tutting in disagreement. 

“Nonsense darling, it was perfect. I don’t think I’ve ever felt that good before.”

Crowley nuzzled Aziraphale’s hair, breathing him in and sighing deeply. “You deserve to feel good Aziraphale, you deserve everything. I want to _give_ you everything.”

They sat in content and sleepy silence when Aziraphale felt the warmth from the tender kisses Crowley was placing at the crown of his head slowly spread down the rest of his body.

“Oh” Aziraphale murmured in awe. “I can feel it.”

“Hmm?”

“Your love Crowley.” Aziraphale explained even though he knew he sounded silly. “I could feel it just-just now. It’s so warm.”

Crowley kissed him in lieu of responding. It was meant to just be a small quick kiss, a tender peck, but Aziraphale swiped his tongue across Crowley’s bottom lip and soon they were panting and nipping each other's lips, the laptop forgotten as their hands started to wander.

“I seem- _ah_ -to recall,” Aziraphale teased between kisses, “Something about going until I beg you to stop.” He grinned at Crowley’s dark chuckle, “Or did I imagine that?”

“Oh I’ll make you beg angel.” When Crowley pulled back his glare was hungry, full of intent. “And because I’m so generous, I’m going to give you a 5 second head start before that happens.”

“Headstart? For wha-?

“5…”

“Now Crowley really-”

“4...3…”

Aziraphale leapt off the couch giggling, keeping the duvet wrapped around him as he made a dash for the bedroom, yelping when he heard Crowley’s footsteps close behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to listen to the song that calmed Lilith down, you can listen to Raphael Cortes here. He's lovely.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6_1EmHnC10
> 
> Anyone have writer's block remedy suggestions?  
> I have the rest of the chapters all 85% written, I have to push myself to just add the finishing touches, but it's tough these days!
> 
> Drink water and stay safe my dears! ❤️


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I love you Crowley.” Aziraphale spent so long in denial, keeping quiet about his feelings, and now once he truly voiced them he couldn’t stop. He wondered if they would ever get to a point where Crowley’s eyes wouldn’t widen in surprise every time Aziraphale said it. He wanted to get to that point, wanted Crowley to know without a shadow of a doubt how much Aziraphale loved him, to not be surprised to hear it. He was willing to tell Crowley every day, every hour if that’s what it took..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale goes to school and answers to Anathema!

The first thing Aziraphale felt when he woke up was heat again. He groaned softly before opening his eyes to the beautiful sight of Crowley’s head slowly bobbing up and down as he sucked Aziraphale.

“Oh, oh love…” Crowley groaned softly around him, the vibrations of his voice making Aziraphale hiss and throw his head back on the pillow. He briefly wondered if he could convince Crowley to take him for a fourth time, but the spike of discomfort that shot through his backside when he moved told him it wouldn’t be wise. 

He must have tensed or made a noise of discomfort, because Crowley pulled off him with an obscene popping sound and looked up at him with an arched brow. 

“I told you you’d be sore in the morning angel.”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes, but the effect was diminished by the grin on his face. “Oh hush you.” He pulled Crowley up by the shoulders, making a pleased sound at the feel of Crowley’s warm weight on top of him. He felt Crowley’s cock pressing insistently against him, smearing his thigh with precome. He wrapped his arms around Crowley’s waist and pressed their hips together, effectively wiping the cocky smirk off Crowley’s face.

“Fuck angel I-” Crowley fumbled around the tangled sheets before finding the bottle of lube and squirting some on his palm. When he wrapped his palm around the both of them Aziraphale gasped at the dual sensation of the silky skin of Crowley’s cock and also his strong, calloused fingers. Once they were both sufficiently slick Crowley removed his hand and began gently grinding against him, leaning down to kiss and nip at Aziraphale’s jaw. 

“I love you Crowley.” Aziraphale spent so long in denial, keeping quiet about his feelings, and now once he voiced them he couldn’t stop. He wondered if they would ever get to a point where Crowley’s eyes wouldn’t widen in surprise every time Aziraphale said it. He wanted to get there, wanted Crowley to know without a shadow of a doubt how much Aziraphale loved him, to not be surprised to hear it. He was willing to tell Crowley every day, every hour if that’s what it took.

Crowley moaned low in his throat at the words, his thrusting already becoming more unsteady. 

“Angel, fuck you feel so good. Love this, love you.”

Even after coming four times in the past 12 hours, Aziraphale felt himself getting close again as he watched Crowley’s stomach muscles contract and ripple above him. He moaned and bared his throat when Crowley’s hand came up to grip the back of his neck possessively. Crowley dipped his head down to bite and suck on his neck. Aziraphale reached up and tangled his fingers in Crowley’s hair, pulling slightly and grinning outright at the way Crowley whimpered slightly. They had done so much, but there was still so much more to learn; so many more ways to explore Crowley’s body to give him pleasure, to pull more of those lovely sounds from him. 

“Ohh Aziraphale” Crowley rasped as he pulled Aziraphale tightly to him, burying his face into the white curls just above his ear. “I need, I’m gonna-”

“M-Me too” Aziraphale arched his hips up, rutting against Crowley once, twice, three times more before before coming with a groan. It was much weaker than the previous ones but still made him shudder and flush all the way down to his stomach. When it was over he held Crowley tightly as he slid between them unsteadily and came with a gasp, contributing to the slick mess between them both. Crowley collapsed on top of Aziraphale, uncaring of the mess and wrapped his long limbs tightly around his soft warm angel. 

“When do you gotta be at school?” Crowley’s voice was muffled against Aziraphale’s neck. 

Aziraphale had actually started to doze off again and wrinkled his nose at the thought of leaving this bed. “Don’t want to.” He mumbled against Crowley’s neck, “Can’t sit anyway, demon.”

Crowley pulled himself up on his elbows to look down at him. “Pretty sure your friend Anathema will have my ass if you’re not there today.”

Aziraphale was still sleepy, and his brain still pleasantly fuzzy, so he merely blinked and shook his head. “S’mine.”

Crowley grinned, clearly suppressing laughter, “You have my ass?”

Aziraphale nodded and closed his eyes, intent on going back to sleep. “Mmhmm”

Crowley did laugh then, throwing his head back and rolling off Aziraphale to lay beside him. Aziraphale couldn’t help but open his eyes and admire the sight of him sprawled on the bed, his red locks splayed across the pillow like a fiery halo. The sunlight was beginning to peek through the curtains, dappling across the bed and illuminating his freckled skin. 

“Well when you’re right, you’re right” Crowley’s chuckling had died down and turned his head, finally noticing Aziraphale’s staring. “What?”

Aziraphale knew he must have looked like a besotted fool but he didn’t care. “You’re so beautiful.”

“Shut uup.” Crowley groaned, turning his head towards the pillow to hide his blush. 

Aziraphale lifted his head to glance at the clock by the bed and sighed. “Well I suppose I-I should get ready then.”

“Well you could skive again.” Crowley shrugged, “Let Anathema draw her own conclusions about why you’re not there after getting in the car with an attempted murderer, just after learning of his crimes. Doesn’t look bad at all.”

Aziraphale frowned, when he put it like that.. “Oh dear, she would hunt you down wouldn’t she?” 

Before Crowley could reply, he was cut off by an insistent scratching at the door by a very impatient Lilith who was demanding breakfast. Crowley chuckled and rolled out of bed, shamelessly strutting around to Aziraphale’s side before pulling him up for a kiss. 

“C’mon angel, we made a mess and we’re late. Best save time and shower with me eh?”

  
  
***********

When Aziraphale got to school, he was running late and Anathema had already walked to her class before he could see her. He didn’t have to wait long before he saw her though. As he was going to put some of his books away he found Anathema waiting by his locker. 

“Aziraphale hey! Are you doing ok?” Aziraphale had to smile slightly at her American tendency to get straight to the point.

“I’m fine dear thank you.” Aziraphale walked past her to open up his locker. Aziraphale was actually surprised Anathema lasted another 30 seconds before her other questions bursted out of her. 

“Does he know you know now? I saw him pick you up yesterday, did you guys talk? Are you alright-?”

“Now really Anathema!” He couldn’t bring himself to be annoyed by her questioning, he was far too touched that she was showing this much concern for him. “To answer your questions; yes, yes, and yes.”

When he put his stuff in his locker and turned towards her, she had her arms crossed with an unimpressed look on her face. “And?? What did he say?”

He put his bag on his shoulder and began to wring his hands in front of him. “Anathema, it’s-it’s not my story to tell.” Aziraphale felt incredibly nervous standing up to his friend like this. He really valued Anathema’s friendship, and he knew she was just worried. “I will say that Crowley was in-in a very dangerous situation, and that  _ everything is not always what it seems _ .” He emphasized those words, taking great care not to stutter them as he looked at her meaningfully, hoping she would understand and leave it at that. 

To his great relief, Anathema nodded after a moment. “I can’t say I trust Crowley, but I do trust you Aziraphale. If you say he’s ok, then I won’t hex him. 

Aziraphale smiled gratefully at her. “Thank you dear, really. Your concern means so much, but I’m fine.”

Anathema gave a strange look, “Of course I’m going to be concerned for you Aziraphale, you’re my best friend. And I’m definitely going to be having an audience with Crowley to get a feel for-why are you crying?”

“I-I-I’m sorry,” at being called her best friend, tears sprung to Aziraphale’s eyes. “Thank you, th-that’s so nice of you to say. I was so nervous you would hate me for-for choosing to s-see Crowley and I-”

“Oh Aziraphale,” She wrapped him up in a hug, “All that matters to me is that you're happy. If you trust him then that’s good enough for me. If he hurts you though, I’m not responsible for my actions.”

Aziraphale laughed as he dabbed at his eyes with a handkerchief before beaming at her, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. 

“Now come on,” Anathema lifted her bag onto her shoulder; “it’s almost time for lunch and I think I’m at least owed an explanation as to why your neck looks like it was used as a chew toy!”

She cackled at his scandalized gasp and flush before nudging him towards the cafeteria. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little on the shorter side, but that's because the next chapter is gonna be much longer. Next week Crowley meets the parents!!


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He froze and looked around the bedroom he had grown up in. He couldn’t believe it took him so long to realize it. His home was with Crowley now; this home hadn’t been his in a long time..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any errors ahead of time, this chapter was where I ran into some writer's block.

When Aziraphale was dropped off at his house after school, he could hear his parents talking in the other room when he entered but no longer bothered to call out to them. He didn’t spend much time at home these days anyway, really he only dropped by to do his laundry or collect some books before going back to Crowley’s. 

It had been almost a few months since he and Crowley talked, and..consummated their relationship, and every day seemed to be better than the last. When Christmas came, instead of hiding in his room, or plastering a fake smile for the parties his family liked to host with members of the church, he spent the holiday with Agnes and Crowley. Getting day drunk on Rose` and letting Agnes teach him baking recipes was easily the best Christmas he ever had. Anathema even popped by to visit with Newt. Her lingering suspicion towards Crowley quickly dissipated once she met him, and as Aziraphale expected, instantly bonded with Agnes over their shared practice. 

Aziraphale poured himself a glass of water, spilling some while lost in his reminiscing. He wiped it up and as he went to throw the paper towel away, something in the rubbish bin caught his eye. He bent over and gently pulled out an unopened envelope. Bringing it up to eye level his suspicions were confirmed in the seal; it was a letter from Trinity College. More than likely responding with an answer approving or denying his admittance. They would throw that away? 

In the time it took to make it upstairs to his room, his hands had not stopped shaking. He knew his parents didn’t want to speak with him, he could accept that. He knew they wanted to erase his past with this family; but did they really hate him so much that they would try to sabotage his future like this? If he hadn’t seen this letter he likely never would have known, may even have missed a deadline to answer.

This letter held a decision regarding his future, and he was dying to know what it said; but he didn’t want to open it here. If he did there would be no celebration if he was accepted, no comfort if he was rejected. He didn’t want to read it here, he didn’t want to be here, he wanted Crowley, he wanted to go _home-_

He froze and looked around the bedroom he had grown up in. He couldn’t believe it took him so long to realize it. His home was with Crowley now; this home hadn’t been his in a long time. 

He had his phone out and was ringing Crowley before he could even think of what to say.

“Hey angel.”

His voice was so warm, as though happy Aziraphale called even though he had just dropped him off barely an hour ago. When he didn’t respond right away, Crowley’s tone became worried. 

“Angel, are you alright?”

“I’m fine d-dear.” He cringed at how shaky and not fine his voice sounded. “Crowley,” he pushed on, “You said that I c-could stay with you if I’d like; is-is that offer still available?”

“Of course it is angel. What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

“Nothing happened.” He took a deep breath and decided to be honest. “I just would like to take you up on that offer. To-to stay with you, I mean. I want to move in. If you’re-ah-amenable.”

“You don’t even have to ask; I’d love for you to stay.” When Aziraphale exhaled loudly in relief Crowley spoke up again. “Angel are you sure you’re alright?”

Aziraphale’s legs felt weak, he needed to sit down. “Yes, yes of course. Thank-thank you Crowley, you’re so kind.”

He cut the call off without waiting Crowley’s protest that he was not kind, and sat down heavily on the bed. He focused on taking deep breaths, still clutching the letter. Fairly soon however, anxiety induced energy had Aziraphale pacing around his room wringing his hands. He was happy Crowley agreed, but he couldn’t just, move in without any notice right? Would tomorrow be too short notice? No, of course it would, maybe the end of the week-

A bang from downstairs made him jump “Aziraphale! Angel you in here?”

Aziraphale gasped and ran out of his room. When he got to the top of the stairs, he saw Crowley at the bottom in the entryway, his father trying to keep him from going any further. When Crowley saw Aziraphale, he shouldered his dad, knocking him out of Crowley’s way.

“You alright?”

“Y-yes Crowley I’m fine but-”

“Good. Pack your things. You’re moving out.”

It didn’t even occur to Aziraphale to question him. He ran back into his room and grabbed his duffel bag, shoving his unopened letter, clothing and his most valuable books into it. He flew back down the stairs to see Crowley hadn’t moved from his spot, and his parents were watching in wordless shock. 

“This all you need?” Crowley's voice was calm even as his face and stance were threatening. “We can replace the clothing and stuff later if we need to.”

“No this is-is most of it.”

“Good.” Crowley handed the duffel bag to Lilith, who Aziraphale just noticed was there. “Car.” Lilith grabbed the bag handles with her teeth and jetted off back to Crowley’s car. Crowley turned around to face him again.

“What about documents? Birth certificate? Passport?”

Aziraphale’s father chose this time to speak up. “Now wait a second! Aziraphale-” Aziraphale froze, shocked into immobilization at hearing his father actually address him directly. Before he could stutter an answer however, Crowley intervened.

“Oh FUCK NO!” Crowley roared at his father, causing him to cower. “Don’t you dare act like you have a right to say his name now! Don’t you dare act like you're entitled to know what’s happening!”

“I’m his father-”

“You’re his roommates! The both of you!” Crowley turned his glare to Aziraphale’s mother. “Saying you’re his parents would mean you actually did something for him.”

Aziraphale’s father didn’t seem to know when to keep his mouth shut. “This is still MY house!” He tried to shout but his voice cracked with fear. “If you don’t leave right now I’m calling the-”

Before he could finish his threat, Lilith darted past Crowley to the living room, grabbed the family phone and ripped it off the line, cord snapping loudly and handset crashing into the wall across the room. Aziraphale’s mother shrieked and his father sputtered incoherently.

“Don’t worry,” Crowley sneered when he saw them both staring at Lilith, who walked back to stand behind Crowley. “I fed her this morning.” He cocked his head, feigning concerned confusion. “Or at least I think I did.”

“So here’s how this is gonna work.” Crowley looked between both of his parents. “You are going to let Aziraphale take everything he needs. Don’t give us any problems, and I won’t have to look at your miserable faces” He looked them both up and down with disdain, “and those gross Jimmy Choo shoes any longer than I have to.” When Crowley turned to Aziraphale, his expression changed and his voice became much softer; soothing and tinged with affection. “Go on love, get what you need.”

As Aziraphale climbed the stairs he heard his mum whisper “Love??” in a horrified hush. He raced up the stairs without acknowledging it and went down the hall. He knew his father stored all the important papers in his office, so he barged in and started rifling through drawers. He was beyond relieved when he found his birth certificate and immunization records, he was worried they had thrown it out along with all the other forms of proof that he existed. The passport he could do without for now, that could be replaced later. 

He froze briefly when he passed a photo of his parents on their wedding day, displayed proudly on his father’s desk. After a brief moment of debate with himself he grabbed the frame and shoved it into a manilla folder with the rest of his things before retreating back downstairs to see Crowley still glaring at his parents through his sunglasses.

“I’m ready.”

His father took a step forward, looking righteous and furious all in one. “Aziraphale Zachariah Fell, if you walk out of that door right now with this...degenerate, then you are not welcome back into this family.”

Six months ago a statement like that would have had Aziraphale flinching like he had been slapped and begging for forgiveness. Now that he had another family now, his heart simply twisted with sadness at the thought of losing his old one, even if he hadn’t been welcome in a long time. “I’m-I’m so sorry to hear it.” He gently grabbed Crowley by his sleeve, wanting nothing more than to leave this place. “Let’s go Crowley.” He pulled Crowley’s sleeve, having to tug more than once; the look on Crowley’s face made him worry that if they didn’t leave soon Crowley might very strike them. 

The drive back to Crowley’s flat was silent, as neither of them quite knew what to say. When they got back to the shop Crowley carried Aziraphale’s bag inside as Aziraphale followed in somewhat of a daze. When they entered his flat Aziraphale began to putter about the kitchen, wringing his hands.

“Well I-I don’t know about you, but a cup of tea sounds lovely right about now doesn’t it?” He refused to pay attention to how high and hysterical his voice sounded.

“Aziraphale.”

“Feeling a bit peckish as well aren’t you dear? I think we still have some of that curry leftover-”

“Aziraphale.”

“Is there any peanut butter left, I could bake some-”

He was cut off by Crowley gently turning him around and gathering him tightly into his arms. 

“Just, just let me hold you for a minute angel.” His voice was low and sad, and he pressed soft kisses into his white curls.

Aziraphale struggled weakly to pull away for a moment, but the solid, reassuring warmth of Crowley’s chest, and the tenderness of his comforting proved to be too much, and he buried his face into the crook of Crowley’s neck and allowed himself to finally break down.. 

“I’m here angel,” Crowley murmured against his ear. “I’m here and I love you and I’m sorry love. I'm so sorry.”

For several moments Crowley held Aziraphale and made soothing noises as he cried with grief and loss; mourning the family he likely would never see again, wondering why he couldn’t be accepted. After a long time, when it felt like he had no more tears left to cry, Aziraphale slumped against Crowley, letting him support his weight. He made no noise other than a few sniffles as he allowed Crowley to navigate them to the bedroom without protest. As they sat down Aziraphale pulled away, but didn’t go far as Crowley cupped his cheeks to wipe away any stray fallen tears. 

“What do you need, love?”

“J-just you.” Aziraphale croaked; “Just you and Lilith. Just s-stay with m-me _please-_ ”

Crowley cut him off with a kiss. “Always angel, always.” His lips quirked up. “Gonna be tough to get rid of us now actually. Right pests we are; worse than roaches.”

Aziraphale huffed a watery laugh before burying himself back into Crowley's chest. They stayed like that for a moment longer before Aziraphale remembered the letter in his bag. 

“Stay here.” He ordered Crowley before rushing out to the living room to grab his bag. He sorted through his things and quickly grabbed the still unopened envelope. When he came back he was pleased to see Crowley hadn’t moved. 

“I got a letter from Trinity College.” Aziraphale launched into his explanation without preamble; “Remember the campus we toured by-by St. James park?”

“Yeah, I remember. You really liked that one’s library right?”

“Exactly. Well they got back to me with their decision, and I-I know it’s-ah-silly,” Aziraphale fiddled with the envelope, not sure what else to do with his hands. “But I got it and I realized I didn’t want to open it without you. Which made me also realize I was tired of being away from you. So this sort of started the whole mess.” He finished lamely, looking at the letter before showing it to Crowley, who was silent a long moment before he spoke. 

“Well angel don’t keep us waiting then. What’d they say?”

He took a fortifying breath before opening the letter with trembling hands and scanned the first few sentences. He looked up at Crowley watching him nervously. 

“I-I was accepted.” 

The reaction was everything he could have wanted. Crowley grinned wide and whooped before tackling him backwards onto the bed. He giggled as Crowley rained his face with kisses, his excitement contagious. Almost as soon as it started Crowley leapt off him and was almost immediately replaced by Lilith, unsure what was going on but recognized an opportunity for a cuddle when it made itself known, effectively pounced on Aziraphale.

The sound of the phone being dialed made Aziraphale push Lilith off to look at Crowley, who had the phone on speaker, and so everyone heard Agnes’s voice when she answered. 

“Hullo dear.”

“Ags!” he came over and sat next to Aziraphale on the bed. “Aziraphale’s with me, he’s got good news!”

“Oh does he now?”

Aziraphale blushed and tried to glare at a beaming and proud Crowley before addressing Agnes. “Hello Agnes.”

“Aziraphale! Well don’t keep me waiting, what’s all the excitement about?”

“I-I was accepted into Trinity College..” He was excited but embarrassed that they were making all this fuss over him. 

“Oh Aziraphale that’s wonderful!” She sounded truly delighted; “They would be fools not to have you! I attended Trinity College myself, you’ll love it.”

“R-Really?” Aziraphale was surprised, “You graduated Trinity?”

“Well…” Agnes sounded sheepish, “Didn’t quite make it to graduation..”

Crowley chipped in when he saw Aziraphale’s confused look, “She was expelled.”

“Agnes!” Aziraphale admonished in a scandalized tone.

“Word of advice, don’t set any paintings of white Christian men on fire” Agnes chuckled, “They don’t like that.”

“Good Lord,” That definitely sounded like something Agnes would do. “I’ll take your word for it on that matter.”

They made brief conversation after that, also updating her on Aziraphale’s new living situation, which she thankfully approved of. After promises to get everyone together for dinner to celebrate, they said their goodbyes.

After Crowley disconnected the call, Aziraphale watched as Crowley shrugged off his jacket and ushered Lilith out of his bedroom, _their_ bedroom now. Aziraphale shivered at the thought. In all the times they had been intimate, Crowley had been eager to lay Aziraphale down and wring orgasm after orgasm from him until he could barely speak. Aziraphale had no problem with this of course, but at the moment he felt so grateful and happy that he was nearly overwhelmed with the desire to do something for Crowley; anything to show his appreciation for him. He wanted to be the one to make Crowley fall apart, to take care of him. When Crowley went for Azirphale’s bag, he grabbed Crowley’s hand and pulled him to sit down next to him. Crowley went down willingly with only a raised brow in question.

“You came to me. Even when I didn’t ask you to. S-swept me away like a knight in shining armour.”

Crowley squirmed at the praise, flushing and looking like he missed his glasses. “S’nothing angel I-”

“You helped me.” Aziraphale knelt down in front of Crowley now, scooching forward between his legs. “You took care of me. You always take care of me.” He put his hands on Crowley's legs, slowly bringing them up to caress his inner thigh. “I want to take care of you now love.” He rubbed his thumb over the zipper on his jeans, pleased when he felt it twitch eagerly underneath his touch. “Please?”

When Crowley swallowed audibly and nodded, he took off his glasses with shaking hands to reveal those lovely amber eyes. Aziraphale gently unbuttoned his jeans and helped him shimmy out of them, inhaling sharply when he saw Crowley wasn’t wearing pants underneath. 

Aziraphale admired Crowley’s flushed cock a moment before he gently grabbed it by the base, shaking with nerves and excitement. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing, he just _needed_ to pleasure Crowley. He opened his mouth wide, slowly taking in as much as he felt comfortable with. When he got about halfway down he pulled back, lightly sucking and pressing his tongue firmly against the underside. When he felt a pulse of precome spill onto his tongue, he made a pleased sound and closed his eyes. 

“Oh fuck, _fuck_ that’s it angel. So good, you’re so good.”

Aziraphale shivered at the praise and the roughness of Crowley’s voice. He was very quickly discovering that he liked this very much; he felt safe bracketed between Crowley’s legs like this and feeling Crowley stretching his mouth and jaw, filling him with his taste and scent was remarkably satisfying. Crowley’s hips were twitching, clearly trying to hold back. Aziraphale gave a particularly hard suck that made Crowley growl. 

“Jesus, fuck you’re driving me crazy angel. Not gonna last long if you keep doing that.” 

Aziraphale whined around Crowley, excited by the idea, and he tried to force his mouth lower until he coughed around his cock. Crowley moaned again and his hand came around to grip the back of his neck tightly. 

“Easy sweetheart easy. Let me do it, let me give it to you. Relax for me now,” Aziraphale allowed his head to go limp in Crowley’s hand, relaxing his jaw. “Oohh that’s it; such a good boy for me angel.” 

Crowley set the pace, gently pushing Aziraphale down far enough to nudge the back of his throat, before pulling him away again. Occasionally Crowley would hold him down just long enough for his throat to start to protest before pulling away to let him breathe again.

Aziraphale looked up at him to see Crowley staring down at him, pupils blown and chest heaving. 

“Might just keep you here even after I finish, you look too pretty on your knees like this, with my cock in your mouth.”

Now wasn’t _that_ an intoxicating thought. Aziraphale moaned loudly, hips twitching forward to seek relief. Crowley hissed through his teeth and tightened his grip on Aziraphale’s curls. 

“Do you like that idea?” Crowley rumbled, “Is that what you want, keep me safe and warm in this lovely mouth of yours?” Aziraphale looked up at him imploringly and tried to nod with his mouth full, the movement making Crowley briefly lose control and shove Aziraphale down further, making his eyes water. 

“Oh God, Oh Aziraphale _please_. I’m gonna come. You’re gonna make me come baby. It’s yours, I’m yours… oh _FUCK_.”

Aziraphale swallowed rapidly as his mouth was quickly filled, determined not to let a drop go to waste. Unable to wait anymore he let go of Crowley’s thighs and fumbled his trousers open before taking himself in hand, quickly chasing his own pleasure. Crowley stopped twitching and made to pull out, but Aziraphale moved his head forward and made a sound of protest, keeping Crowley in his mouth. Crowley huffed a breathless laugh and curled his body forward, caging Aziraphale in even more as he kissed the top of Aziraphale’s head.

“Go on love,” Crowley’s voice, his scent, his taste, his touch overwhelmed all of Aziraphale’s senses. Nothing in the world mattered at this moment except the two of them. He was on his knees, but he felt so cherished and so _close-_

“I’ve got you angel.” Crowley’s voice was thick. “You’re home now.”

At those words Aziraphale cried out, sobbing as sharp waves of intense pleasure washed over him until he was left winded and trembling. When it was over he leaned against Crowley’s thigh panting, letting his cock slip from his mouth. At the feel of Crowley’s fingers stroking him he looked up. He couldn’t help but blush at the stunned, reverent way Crowley was staring at Aziraphale, like he had hung the very stars in the sky. 

“You’re so beautiful angel.” Crowley murmured, “And I bet my angel is tired huh?”

Now that the adrenaline of the confrontation with his parents, and the excitement of being accepted into school had worn off, Aziraphale realized that he really was exhausted. He nodded and allowed Crowley to lift him up and pull him onto his lap. 

“What would you say to some delivery hmm? Can I tempt you?”

He smiled and nuzzled Cowley’s neck as he allowed Crowley to tuck him back into his own trousers. He felt truly content, letting Crowley fuss over him for the rest of the evening before he unpacked. “Temptation accomplished my darling.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale: "I really should give him proper notice and time to prepare-"  
> Crowley: *busts down door to get him literally 5 minutes after Aziraphale decides to move in*
> 
> How shitty are his parents to just throw away his important mail like that! Thank goodness he's out of that situation now, and now gets to be happy with his found family! I think the next chapter will be up a bit sooner, because it was a spur of the moment addition. Probably Wednesday?
> 
> Drink water and stay safe my dears!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This was a spur of the moment chapter because I thought about Agnes, and how she would feel if she found out about Aziraphale's parents. Spoiler: She ain't happy!
> 
> I hope you like this one! Like I said it was a spur of the moment chapter so please excuse my errors and spacing wierdness.

When Aziraphale was asleep, Crowley got up silently and slipped on a jacket. Lilith had found her way to their bedroom at some point during the night and had cuddled on top of them, but she lifted her head when Crowley began putting on his jacket. 

“No.” Crowley put on his shoes. Ignoring his refusal, she began to shuffle forward on her stomach towards the end of the bed to get off.

“No!” Crowley hissed and broke out ‘the finger’, pointing and commanding that she stay where she was. Lilith yawned wide, ending in a whine, indicating she was irritated she couldn’t come. 

“Your feet are too noisy!” Crowley was trying his best not to whisper yell. Lilith straightened out her paws, showing her unclipped toenails to him as if to say ‘and whose fault is that??’

“We’re not having this fight right now. Just _stay_.”

Lilith decided to change tactics, opening her eyes wide and pleading, pulling the corners of her lips up into a small hopeful smile. Crowley groaned inwardly because _fuck_ it was still cute. 

“Look just stay here ok? I won’t be long. Guard Aziraphale, I don't know. I’ll ask him to bake those biscuits tomorrow. With extra peanut butter.” Lilith grunted with annoyance before turning away from him, cuddling up closer to Aziraphale, clearly sulking. Aziraphale thankfully continued sleeping, clearly exhausted after the events of today.

Crowley’s destination was about 2 km down the road from the nursery. He kept his pace quick, the wind still had the bite of winter which made him anxious to get his task done and back into bed with his sleepy angel. 

As he walked, he couldn't help but remember the last thing he ever said to Aziraphale’s parents, earlier that day.

****

Crowley had stood stock still, glaring between the two of them, daring either one of them to move. He was bluffing about Lilith of course, but they didn’t need to know that of course. He turned towards Aziraphale, “Go on love, get what you need.”

As Aziraphale rushed up the stairs, Aziraphale’s mother repeated “Love?” in a soft voice and Crowley turned his glare back to her, challenging them to say anything at his term of endearment. He could see pieces of Aziraphale in both of them, his mother’s eyes were the same shade of blue, but lacked the kindness Aziraphale had. 

Aziraphale could be heard shuffling about upstairs, and Crowley briefly considered how different the circumstances could have been. If they had accepted Aziraphale was gay and allowed him to date, he would be scared shitless right now trying to impress them. Currently however, he was torn between punching his dad in the face or vomiting all over both of their shoes.

Aziraphale’s mother broke the tense silence first, “You’ve been further corrupting our son then? Encouraging this.. Phase of his?”

Crowley was rolling his eyes behind his sunglasses. “Acting real high and mighty for a couple of tossers aren’t you?”

“We were trying to help him.” Aziraphale’s father found his voice again 

“Help him?” Crowley stared incredulously at them. “By neglecting him? By abusing him?”

“It’s to teach him.” The older man insisted, “Show him what would happen if he chose to pursue the choice of being a degenerate. Noone of decent standing would ever associate with a sodomite, a pervert!” Aziraphale’s father finished his rant in a huff, his red splotchy face reminding Crowley of a tomato plant he had once treated for a fungal infection. 

“God does not create people that way! It would look awful to have a gay in the family; in _our_ family!” Aziraphale’s mother spoke this time, shuddering at the prospect of people finding out. “I can’t believe after everything we’ve given him, he still chooses to do this.”

Crowley stalked forward, using his height to his advantage to look down and glare at his parents. “The only thing you’ve given him is lessons on how ignorant, hypocritical and cruel you both are. And all the shit you’ve been shoving in his head? It’s wrong; he’ll be fine with me, better than fine really, not that you give a damn. He won’t be alone. I’ll love him just as he is, make him so goddamn happy that you’ll be nothing but an unpleasant memory, a bad dream. And maybe one day when you realize how stupid you’ve been, he’ll probably forgive you because he is so, so much better than me, or you two will ever be.”

Before they could respond they were interrupted by Aziraphale climbing down the stairs, clutching a manilla folder to his chest. 

****

The jars felt heavy in his jacket, both physically and metaphorically. He hadn’t had them long; Agnes had given these to him to use or not use a few days ago. At first he didn’t plan on using them, they kinda freaked him out. After meeting Aziraphale’s parents however, he wanted some kind of payback, someway to teach them a lesson. Their insults and judgements towards his angel kept playing in his mind like a broken record; he couldn’t let it go. It was a fortunate coincidence that the day he moved in with Crowley was also a full moon. It was bright enough that he didn’t even need a flashlight to guide him as he replayed Agnes’s instructions in his head. 

  
  


****

“Here we are my dear.” She placed the jars on the table in front of him. Crowley studied the jars curiously.

“So..” Crowley felt almost a little disappointed, “These are curses?”

Crowley had told Agnes about the way Aziraphale’s parents treated him, and she was almost as furious as he was. In fact it was Agnes who suggested a curse, Crowley’s ideas for retaliation had been more risky ones, such as vandalism, or slashing tires. 

“The strongest ones I have.” Agnes explained, completely serious. A little unnerved by her response, he picked up the jars to examine them closer. 

He regretted picking them up almost as soon as he did it. There was a fair amount of liquid in the jars, in one jar it was red like salsa, the other was black like charcoal. If he moved the jars to shift the liquid, he could see the rusty nails, a wasp corpse, a dead spider, some spices and seeds, and a soaked piece of paper presumably with Aziraphale’s parents' names in both of the jars. 

What made him regret touching the jars however, was the anger he could feel coming from the jars. His stomach dropped, and he was unsure why. Before he could look closer into these feelings, Agnes gently took the jars from his hands, covering her own hands with a cloth and set them on the table. Crowley was struck by a worrying thought.

“This...this isn’t gonna kill ‘em, is it Ags?” He tried to frame it as a joke, but the humor died when he saw Agnes’s face. 

“Not if you cast it right.”

He never put much thought or even stock into Agnes’s craft, he was always a skeptic himself. But Agnes came from a long line of witches and seers going as far back as the druids, who held grudges against religious fanatics like Aziraphale’s parents since the witch trials. At that moment Crowley felt very aware of just how powerful she could be, and made a note to never get on her bad side.

****

When Crowley arrived at the crossroads, he looked around just to make sure he was alone. He pulled the spade out of his pocket and dug a hole deep enough to bury both of the jars side by side. When he placed them in the ground he pulled out a small piece of paper with the spell. He cleared his throat, Agnes said he didn’t need to speak it unless he felt it helped properly cast the intent, whatever the fuck that meant. He felt stupid, but he also really did not want to fuck this up, so he spoke the words just to be safe.

_Wolf and horse, old signs of might,_

_Lend your strength to me this night._

_The pain and grief they so easily give,_

_Must be returned so they may live,_

_To know and feel what they have done,_

_And change their ways with harm to none._

_Send back the pain, teach them this night_

_So they may learn to do what’s right._

When he said the words, he pulled a lighter out of his pocket and burned the paper. As instructed, he scatters half of the ashes on the jars, and lets the wind carry the other half. Crowley would tell himself in the future that his imagination was running wild, but at the moment he couldn’t deny the change he felt in the air when he cast his spell. 

According to Agnes, the curse is supposed to make them feel the same pain they inflicted on other people. If cast correctly, they should feel as alone, judged, and ashamed as they made Aziraphale feel, and their triumphs would crumble and fall. It was not permanent however, apparently the curse could be lifted when they realize the error of their ways and the pain they caused. They may never apologize to Aziraphale, but genuine remorse and intent to do better would lift the curse as it had fulfilled its purpose by teaching them a lesson. 

Crowley buried the jars when he was done and started walking back the way he came. He couldn’t say for sure if this would work, but it felt good to know he at least tried something. He hoped he didn’t kill Aziraphale’s parents, however he would be delighted if the curse gave them herpes or made their car insurance double or slash their tires. He didn’t really care if he ever saw them again, but he did hope that if Aziraphale ever chose to see them again they wouldn’t take their son for granted if they were given a second chance. 

As he slipped back into his flat silently and quietly got under the covers with his sleeping angel, he couldn’t resist smiling as Aziraphale cuddled up to him in his sleep, frowning adorably at his cold skin. No matter what would happen with those two, they were out of their lives for now and Crowley was determined that the angel would never doubt again how loved he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drink water and stay safe my dears!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Move to London with me.” When Crowley froze, Aziraphale hugged him tighter, stroking his back and pressing soft kisses to the side of his throat. When Crowley sat back to look at him, his eyes were wide.  
> “You’re serious...."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crowley gets some news....
> 
> Guys! This is their last chapter before a pretty significant time jump in the epilogue. We made it! I apologize for any errors ahead of time ❤️

Adjusting to living with Crowley full time was easier then both of them expected, and more wonderful than Aziraphale could have dreamed. Crowley took Aziraphale shopping as he left most of his clothing behind, and he even managed to convince Aziraphale to go out of his comfort zone of beige and tartan and get a fetching blue scarf that brought out his eyes. 

Crowley built a bookshelf to house the books that Aziraphale had packed. Aziraphale began teaching Crowley the basics of cooking, grateful that Agnes made it a habit to feed him otherwise Crowley would have certainly starved to death by now. They had dinner several times a week with Agnes, who had taken Anathema on as a prodigy, so she was a frequent guest to their dinners as well. 

The weather was finally starting to get warmer as they left April. Aziraphale hummed quietly as he approached _Fleurish_. These days Crowley typically picked him up from school, but today Crowley was making a visit to Tadfield shelter to screen some new dogs that were taken in and Agnes would be running the shop; he had been looking forward to seeing her. When he entered the shop, he was perturbed to see that she wasn’t at the front counter.

“Agnes?”

He was even more disturbed when Agnes didn’t answer, he walked to the backroom of the shop to see Agnes sitting at the table in the back, concentrating on the papers on the table, hands clasped in front of her in thought. She was slightly pale, and there was a cup of tea sitting next to her, clearly cold. 

“Agnes? Agnes dear what’s wrong? Are you ill?” He approached the table, concern quickly rising. Agnes shook her head and looked up at him. 

“No no dear I’m fine, just..distracted I suppose.” At Aziraphale’s questioning look, she gestured to the papers in front of her. 

He leaned over the table to see that she was staring hard at a bundle of unopened letters and packets. When he leaned in for a closer look, he started to recognize the names on the letters. _BP Foundation, The Bromley Trust, Sigrid Rausing Trust, The Potter Foundation, The Dulverton Trust, The Economic and Social Research Council of London._

“These-These are..”

“All the foundations that Crowley requested grants from.” Agnes’s eyes never left the table as she spoke. “They started coming in with their answers last week. Last one came in today.”

Aziraphale found himself staring at the papers as well, as if he looked hard enough they would suddenly reveal their answers. 

“Crowley won’t be back for another hour..” Agnes pulled him out of his concentration. 

Aziraphale nodded in agreement. “At least an hour, yes.”

“We should wait..until he gets here hmmm?” Agnes phrased it like a question. “He would probably want to open them.”

He nodded again.

They looked at each other. Looked at the papers, looked at each other again. Agnes spoke first. 

“I’ll put the tea back on.” Agnes grabbed her cane to help herself up 

“I’ll lock the door.” Aziraphale rushed to the front and flipped the sign, quickly locking the door before rushing to the back of the shop again. 

  
  


******

When Crowley arrived back at _Fleurish_ , the first thing he saw when he got out of the car was that the sign said closed. He cocked his head curiously before shrugging and entering through the greenhouse. He pulled his hair up into a messy ponytail and did a quick check of the shop. Rearranging the ones that needed sunlight and demeaning the slackers before entering the building. Lilith ran to the back and tip-tapped her paws at the door of the back room in excitement. He expected to hear Aziraphale and Agnes but all he could hear was silence. 

“Ags? Angel?”

When he opened the door to the back, he saw them both sitting at a table reading some papers. They both jumped at his entrance, looking very much like they had been caught. . He raised a brow in confusion at their expressions while Lilith hopped around happily, asking for treats for existing.

“You guys alright?”

He looked down and recognized the letter heading for the _Potter Foundation_ and put the pieces together. When Crowley came a little closer he saw what looked like to be all of the grants he had applied for. “Oh.”

“Yeah...” Agnes finally spoke, voice was quiet, they both looked pale and his heart dropped at the sight of Aziraphale’s lip trembling slightly. 

“Well let me have it then,” Crowley braced himself for disappointment. “Did _any_ of them donate?”

“Yes.” It was Aziraphale who spoke up this time, looking up at him with shiny eyes. Crowley felt a little pinprick of hope in his chest. 

“Yeah? Which one?” He still couldn’t understand why they were reacting like this, he never expected much, truthfully the fact that he got _anything_ was a bit of a surprise.

“All of them.” Crowley froze. He couldn’t have heard Agnes correctly. Crowley laughed with uncertainty. 

“Quit taking the piss, which one really?”

“She-she’s serious Crowley.” Aziraphale rose from his seat slowly. “They all approved your grant. For-for the full amount.”

Crowley felt like he was going deaf, or having some kind of stroke, or dreaming. Aziraphale approached him tentatively, as though he were an animal in danger of being spooked. When Aziraphale smiled at him it made his eyes wrinkle and a stray tear escaped the corner of them. 

“All the foundations you applied for a grant to, approved your request. For the full 20,000. Crowley, you have 120,000 pounds for TAILS now.”

_120,000. 20,000 multiplied by 6 is 120,000._ Crowley never expected to get that much so he never bothered doing the maths. He didn’t realize he was crying until Aziraphale cupped his face with both hands to wipe his cheeks. “Can’t be right.” He croaked. 

Aziraphale gave a watery laugh, not removing his hands. “It is darling, we read them all several times. You’re welcome to take a look.” Crowley reached up to grab Aziraphale’s hands, holding them close to him, pretty sure Aziraphale was the only thing keeping him upright. 

“Really?” Crowley knew they weren’t lying to him but some small dark part of him still tried to tell him this was some elaborate, cruel prank or a dream. “Really, really?”

“There’s more dear.” Agnes had stood up at some point and shuffled her way to them, holding papers in her hand. “ _The Social and Economic Research Council of London_ is willing to approve the grant for a yearly renewal if you expand the TAILS program to one of their prisons in London.”

Crowley most certainly did not whimper at that news. Truth be told he could barely understand English at the moment, but he knew Agnes had said something important. He let go of Aziraphale and pulled her into his arms. This was her victory too; TAILS wouldn’t have existed without her. Without her giving him a home, without her believing in him. She leaned her cane against the table and allowed him to support her weight as she returned his hug. 

“I’m proud of you son.” She whispered softly in his ear, stroking his back as he held back a sob. “You’ve worked so hard, and it shows Crowley. Aziraphale and I are both so, _so_ proud of you.” 

Lilith was unsure why everyone was crying when the mood was joyful. Not one to be left out however, she began howling pitifully while her tail wagged wildly behind her. Crowley gently unraveled from Agnes and knelt down in front of Lilith. While Crowley was petting her Aziraphale turned away and started stacking the papers into a neat pile for Crowley to read over later. Agnes gathering her things caught Aziraphale’s attention. 

“W-where are you going Agnes?”

Agnes shuffled towards the door and looked over her shoulder. “Need to make an offering to the fae folk tonight. Time to give thanks. And I’m taking Lilith for a girls night tonight. Let you two have the evening to yourselves to celebrate.” She winked before turning around, leaving Aziraphale to stammer and blush helplessly. 

“Lili-bear, come along darling we’re having a sleepover!”

Lilith hopped excitedly at the prospect of riding in the car with Agnes. She gave a goodbye lick to Crowley’s cheek, and let Aziraphale give her a quick scratch behind the ear before she grabbed Agnes’s handbag in her mouth to carry it to the car for her. 

As the shop door closed and locked behind her, Aziraphale looked over at Crowley, who still appeared to be in a daze. He let Aziraphale grab his hand and pull him up into their flat, and allowed himself to be pulled into a kiss. 

As the kiss deepened, Crowley seemed to come back to himself a bit, opening his lips to welcome Aziraphale’s tongue and allowing his hands to roam Aziraphale’s body. When Crowley reached down to grab Aziraphale’s arse, one of them moaned but neither one of them could be sure who. Crowley pulled away and led Aziraphale by the hand to the bedroom, who was already shaking with excitement. 

It was when they got to the bedroom that Crowley seemed to slow down their pace. He lightly kneaded Aziraphale’s shirt, grasping and releasing it; Crowley was hesitating, he looked almost a little nervous. 

“What-what’s wrong dear?”

“”Ngk- nothing angel, nothing’s wrong. ‘S just..” Crowley looked away briefly, and when he looked back his expression was hopeful. “Was wondering, would you wanna fuck me?”

Aziraphale’s jaw dropped; any blood that wasn’t turning his cheeks crimson quickly began rushing south.

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Crowley was quick to reassure Aziraphale when he hadn’t answered. “We can do whatever you want-”

“I want to!” Aziraphale interrupted a bit too eagerly. “I do really, it’s just you’ll have to-to show me how..”

Crowley looked away, a flush spreading down his neck. “This’ll be a first for both of us actually.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah,” Crowley shifted uncomfortably; “I’ve-I’ve never felt safe enough to do it with anyone else before you.”

“Oh Crowley…”

“Shut it.” Crowley grumbled before leaning in to kiss him. They undressed each other slowly; pausing after each layer removed for more kisses. It wasn't until he went to unbutton Crowley’s jeans that Aziraphale saw how badly his hands were trembling.

“You’re shaking, you alright love?” Crowley looked at him with such tender concern it was almost unbearable. 

“I-I don’t want to do the wrong thing..”

“Oohh” Crowley smiled and shook his head, red waves moving softly with him. “You’re an angel, I don’t think you _can_ do the wrong thing.”

Relief rushed through Aziraphale as he beamed gratefully at Crowley “Oh-oh thank you, that-that was bothering me.”

“Suspect I’ll be thanking you in a minute,” Crowley wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “How do you want me? On my back? All fours? Want me to ride you?”

The mental image of Crowley straddling his hips and grinding against him flashed through Aziraphale’s mind, and he felt his cock twitch at the thought. Crowley felt it too and smiled wickedly.

“I think I may have found my answer.” Crowley resumed undressing Aziraphale with more urgency. 

When they were naked they briefly frotted against each other before Crowley reached up and grabbed the lubricant from the nightstand. He opened the cap to coat his fingers before Aziraphale stopped his hand. “Can I?”

Amber eyes widened slightly before he nodded. Crowley allowed himself to be maneuvered onto his hands and knees. He gasped slightly when Aziraphale spread him open with his hands.

“Shhh” Aziraphale nuzzled and gently kissed the small of Crowley’s back to sooth him. When he pulled back to look at Crowley’s hole he took a shuddering breath. Every part of Crowley truly was lovely. He recalled something he read about and was quickly overwhelmed with the desire to try it. Before he could hesitate and talk himself out of it, he leaned down and licked a long stripe from Crowley’s balls to the top of his hole. 

Crowley would deny for the rest of his life that he made a noise anywhere close to a squeal.

“ ** _Aziraphale_**!”

Aziraphale looked up to see Crowley looking over his shoulder at him, face a picture of pure shock. 

“I’ve read that this can be quite-quite nice.” Aziraphale reasoned innocently.

“The hell have you been _reading_ angel?!”

“I’d be happy to share my reading list with you later dear. May I continue?”

“Ah-erm-ngk-ok” Crowley turned around again and tried his best to relax.

Aziraphale tried for a less eager approach, starting with gentle laps on his perineum and around his entrance. As Crowley relaxed, he allowed himself to become more explorative, listening carefully to Crowley’s sounds. When he began to press his tongue inside, Crowley released a guttural groan and dropped to his elbows when his arms became too shaky to support his weight.

“Azzziraphale…” 

Aziraphale responded with a pleased hum as Crowley started pushing himself against Aziraphale’s face. He decided now was a good time to start introducing his fingers, and was rewarded with Crowley’s surprised moans. Gentle but steady, he worked Crowley open before crooking his two fingers to press against that small mound of nerves, feeling profoundly smug at the jolt Crowley gave. 

“Oh god, oh god-fuck-” Crowley babbled against the pillow.

Aziraphale paid close attention to the way Crowley trembled and gasped, mentally filing away every curse and groan Crowley made. Eventually Crowley ran out of patience right around the same time as Aziraphale did and he pulled away from Aziraphale’s ministrations.

“Lean your back against the headboard angel.”

Aziraphale adjusted himself into a sitting position leaning against the headboard, letting Crowley pull his head back for a deep kiss. Crowley was straddled over Aziraphale and it was just as beautiful as he imagined. With shaking hands he added a generous amount of lubricant to Aziraphale’s cock before aligning himself and slowly sank down in one smooth, agonizingly slow motion.

Aziraphale held Crowley tightly, forehead pressed against his chest as they both froze and adjusted. Crowley was hot as hellfire on the inside, and so tight it was almost painful. They had forgone condoms and Aziraphale had to take deep breaths to keep from losing it and thrusting up into Crowley before he was ready. Thankfully he didn’t have to wait long as Crowley very slowly began to swivel his hips. 

Aziraphale leaned back and watched in awe as Crowley soon found a slow rhythm, rolling his hips before raising himself slightly and falling back down, filling himself again with a weak moan. Aziraphale let his hands wander, stroking Crowley’s back and arms soothingly. He whined loudly when Crowley’s hands began to wander over his chest, lightly rolling and tugging his nipples before reaching lower and stroking his soft middle.

“Beautiful,” Crowley breathed. Aziraphale lost himself at the praise and involuntarily thrusted upward and met Crowley halfway, causing Crowley to cry out. Before Aziraphale could apologize Crowley began pleading. 

“Fuck-oh fuck please again.” Crowley started speeding up, hands on Aziraphale’s shoulders for leverage. “Do that again Aziraphale.”

Their pace became more frantic then, Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s hips and chased his pleasure along with Crowley’s. As they clutched each other their bedroom became filled with their loud moans and the obscene slap of skin on skin. Aziraphale’s eyes were fluttering from pleasure, but he was determined to keep his eyes open, determined not to forget the sight of Crowley’s head tossed back and eyes closed in pleasure, the curve of Crowley’s exposed throat, the sight of himself disappearing into Crowley’s heat over and over-

“Angel-angel I’m close.” Crowley said helplessly “I’m so close, you feel so good, I-I-”

Aziraphale couldn’t keep the wonder out of his face as Crowley cried out and came all over Aziraphale’s chest and stomach. Crowley’s arse clenched so tightly around Aziraphale that he felt himself hurtling towards his own peak as he gripped Crowely’s hips tightly and fucked him through it. When Crowley’s shuddering faded he wrapped his arms around Aziraphale’s neck and continued moving his hips.

“Yes love, just like that. Oh god, oh god, Crowley you’re so _good_ to me I-” Aziraphale’s words became more choked as he came undone. His forehead was pressed tightly to Crowley’s; “I love you so much.” His vision whited out as Aziraphale came with a punched out groan, crying out his lover's name. 

For several moments they just clung to each other, shaking and catching their breath. Aziraphale felt a rush of protectiveness and possessiveness for the man he held in his arms; the man he was _inside of_ still. The words were out of Aziraphae’s mouth before he could stop them.

“Move to London with me.” When Crowley froze, Aziraphale hugged him tighter, stroking his back and pressing soft kisses to the side of his throat. When Crowley sat back to look at him, his eyes were wide. 

“You’re serious.”

“I-I meant what I said about wanting to be a part of your future Crowley.” Aziraphale reached up and tucked a lock of copper hair behind Crowley’s ear. “I’ll still be here if you want to stay in Tadfield, I was just thinking if you wanted to expand TAILS to the prison in London, it’d be easier if you lived there. With me.” Aziraphale blushed at the last part, looking down to nuzzle Crowley’s collarbone. 

Crowley eventually climbed off of him, and they cleaned up with a sheet and rearranged themselves on the bed to lay on their sides facing each other.

“You really think I should bring TAILS to London?”

Aziraphale smiled at the hesitancy behind Crowley’s question. “I think that the work you do is amazing Crowley. I know that you would do wonderfully if you chose to expand to London.”

“It’ll be hard. Really hard. Starting over in a different city is expensive, especially one like London. Nonprofits are like that. Probably could only afford to hire someone to manage the location here. I’d be working a lot.” Hearing Crowley seriously talk about moving to London made something take flight in Azirpahale’s chest and he struggled not to laugh with excitement and joy.

“I probably will be too with my studies Crowley. It’ll be fine as-as long as I’m with you.”

“It’d be a bitch to try and find a place to live. Last time I checked there are still breed restrictions.”

Aziraphale got a glint in his eye as he pursed his lips. “I’ve been thinking about that. Did you know that dogs that are registered as service animals are exempt by breed restrictions? One could get in quite a bit of trouble with the authorities if a landlord refused you and your _service animal_ residency.”

Crowley’s eyes widened before he grinned, “Oohh you’re a clever angel aren't you?” He leaned forward to kiss Aziraphale. When he pulled away, that hesitant look was back. 

“You really want this? With me?”

Aziraphale pretended to think. “Hmmm, do I want to move to start school in a new city and come home every night to the man I love and his lovely dog? I think I could survive.”

“I take it back,” Crowley lunged forward on top of Aziraphale, pinning him on his back. “You’re not an angel, you're a right bastard.”

Aziraphale laughed as Crowley assaulted his neck with kisses and bites. “Is that- is that a yes then?”

“My beautiful, fussy, clever, bastard angel. We’d follow you anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah their switches bitches! See, Aziraphale can be freaky too! Also Agnes and Aziraphale are so nooooosyyyy!!! 🧐🤔 I hoped you liked this one!
> 
> So the epilogue is gonna be pretty long, I hope you like it! To be completely honest I'm a little sad that this is all coming to an end, but it has been such a joy to write 🥰😌
> 
> Drink water and stay safe my dears! ❤️


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I was always yours to have, and you were always mine. We have loved each other in and out of time..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 25 Years Later...

Aziraphale was fretting. This wasn’t anything new of course, but today he was fretting much more than normal. Even reading failed to sooth him like it usually did, so he was reorganizing his books sporadically when he felt a spike of fear. 

“The reservations! Oh my word the reservations I forgot to-”

“You made them six months ago.” The figure sprawled on the couch scrolling through his phone piped up. “You gotta relax, you’ve already planned everything.”

Aziraphale sighed in relief before turning to face Warlock. “Yes I know dear, I just want to make sure I have everything perfect-”

“And you do.” Warlock’s fraternal twin Adam appeared from behind one of the shop shelves with his arms piled in books. “You’ve been planning Dad’s 50th birthday since his 45th one. But he’s gonna suspect something if he sees you acting all twitchy.”

“Doubt it,” Warlock quipped. “I texted him this morning, I don’t think he even knows today's his birthday.”

“Well, either way, I just want to make sure everything goes perfectly,” Aziraphale fiddled with his bow tie “your father always goes above and beyond for all of our birthdays and other holidays, so I’d like the opportunity to do the same.” It was true, every anniversary or birthday Crowley managed to surprise and delight both Aziraphale and their sons. Crowley would never admit it, but he was a hopeless romantic who excelled at celebrations and gift giving. 

“Now Adam, did you get everything sorted on your end?”

“Yeah everything is ready to go.”

“Excellent dear boy!” Aziraphale beamed, “Warlock, what about you? Is everything settled?”

“Yup, getting dropped off while we’re at dinner tonight.”

“Lovely!” As Aziraphale tried to wrack his brain for any forgotten details, the door to the shop opened. Aziraphale walked out to the main floor to greet Crowley, who was depositing a box of pastries by the register. 

“Dearest!” Aziraphale chirped happily, “You’re home early!” He took a moment to admire Crowley with his shoulder length red hair, still wearing tight black jeans but keeping style with the current fashion.

Crowley brushed a lock of hair behind his ear before answering, “Yeah there actually weren’t any fires to put out today so Beez kicked me out early.”

“Well good! We can nibble on these and start celebrating early!” At Crowley’s confused look Aziraphale pouted, “Darling you did remember today was your birthday didn’t you?”

“Umm..”

Aziraphale sighed dramatically, “Really beloved it makes it difficult to plan when you don’t remember these things.”

“We can celebrate however you want, angel.” Crowley walked over and pulled Aziraphale into his arms. “Why don't we go back to Italy hmm? Loved our visit to Venice, it was beautiful.”

Aziraphale giggled, “Crowley, we never left the hotel room when we were in Venice.”

Crowley wiggled his eyebrows salaciously, “Must be why I liked the view so much.” He leered comically, leaning forward to kiss Aziraphale before Warlock’s voice interrupted them.

“Hey ew! Traumatized youth back here!”

“Good!” Crowley yelled back, “People without trauma is like food without seasoning!” He laughed when Aziraphale swatted his arm lightly. “Thought you guys had school?” 

“We skipped.” Adam responded from somewhere in the store. Instead of questioning it like Aziraphale was afraid he would, Crowley simply shrugged. Aziraphale was quick to move the focus back onto Crowley. 

“Well since you have Italy on the mind how does Italian sound for dinner my love?” Aziraphale widened his eyes in that beseeching way he knew Crowley would never say no to. “I made reservations for us at _Penne e Burro_ this evening.” He was more than relieved when Crowley’s eyebrows raised in interest, recognizing the name. 

“Yeah sure alright, been craving eggplant anyway.”

“Do we have to dress fancy?” Adam called from the back.

“No shirts with those bee-bop bands on them!” Aziraphale shot back, pointedly ignoring Crowley’s fond snort and Warlock’s annoyed groan.

***

Dinner was a warm affair, cozy and small. Neither Aziraphale or Crowley enjoyed being the center of attention, so a more intimate celebration was perfect for them. The mood was bright, and the small gift box in Aziraphale’s coat pocket felt like it weighed a 1000kgs. 

After dinner they strolled down the street, enjoying the warm night air. Adam and Warlock ambled ahead, slightly hyper from dinner and shoving each other playfully while Crowley walked hand in hand with Aziraphale. Shortly after the boys turned a corner one of them shouted. 

“Dad! There’s a dog over here! Looks like a stray!”

When Crowley and Aziraphale caught up to them they saw that Warlock and Adam both diverted down an alley leading towards a parking garage. Aziraphale made a concerned sound as he saw the shadow of the two boys moving down the alleyway.

Crowley sighed with frustration and looked at Aziraphale with an apologetic look on his face. “Oh it’s quite alright my love let’s look for the poor little one.” Crowley grinned with relief before following the boys between the two buildings, pulling out his phone.

“Ok guys you know the drill, keep your eyes on it but don’t get too close. Try to get a sex if you can.” Crowely called ahead softly to the boys, already in his element as he walked towards the parking garage. Occasionally he shined the flashlight on his phone into nooks and crannies in the alley, searching for signs of a dog nesting there. When Agnes passed, she left her estate to TAILS, and they invested in starting their own independent shelter which allowed them to rescue other dogs directly instead of transferring them from other shelters. Dispatches for finding and saving stray dogs was something Crowley and the boys often did together, and they made an excellent team.

Aziraphale followed behind Crowley, trying to get his excitement under control. They were just entering the parking garage now, it won’t be long before Crowley sees it-

“Over here Dad!”

Aziraphale caught up to Crowley as they turned the corner, and saw the boys standing beside a pristine 1926 vintage Bentley. Attached to the windows was a small banner that said “ _Happy Birthday Dad!_ ” Crowley froze in place as all the color drained from his face. His phone fell from his limp hands with a clatter against the pavement. 

“Ga-Ngk-Wuh..”

Warlock cocked his head curiously “Is he having a stroke?”

Aziraphale chuckled despite his nerves. “Well we may have temporarily broken him.” He went to stand in front of Crowley. “Are you alright dearest?”

Crowley nodded dumbly, his face was a picture of blank shock. “Where’s the dog though?”

Aziraphale resisted the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose as he heard what sounded like the twins' palms smacking their foreheads behind him. 

“The dog was a ruse to get you over here my darling.” Aziraphale kept his voice gentle, sure that Crowley was in denial. “Look” He reached into his waistcoat pocket and pulled out the small gift box. He handed it to Crowley, who took it and opened it with shaking hands to reveal the keys to the Bentley. “It’s yours Crowley.”

“For-for how long?” The way Crowley had trouble speaking reminded Aziraphale of the stutter he had in his youth. Seeing Crowley do it, he could understand now why Crowley had described it as cute.

“As long as you want it dearest.”

Crowley made a few unintelligible sounds before walking unsteadily towards the Bentley, moving slowly as if it could vanish if he got any closer. He made a few laps around the car, occasionally touching the paint, or leaning in to admire a detail. He got to the drivers side and opened the door, mouth gaping like a fish when he sat down on the leather seat. When he turned the key in the ignition it started up right away, much to Crowley’s delight and Aziraphale’s relief. When he got out of the car he took he looked between them all and gestured to Warlock and Adam. 

“Were you two in on this?”

They started to shake their heads in denial when Aziraphale interjected, determined that the boys get credit for their part. “Oh but they were! Adam helped me work the google to find it and negotiate a price, and Warlock helped make sure it was authentic and drove it over here!”

Crowley took off his glasses and Aziraphale’s heart positively sang at the look of love and _pride_ on his face as he regarded his children. Aziraphale never ceased to fall a little deeper in love with Crowley when he saw what a wonderful and loving father he had turned out to be. Not having the greatest parents, they both had their worries about having children, but Aziraphale never doubted for even a moment that Crowley would make an incredible father.

He grabbed Adam first and pulled him into a tight hug, murmuring something in his ear that made Adam smile and return the hug. When he let go he turned to Warlock, who watched the scene warily. 

“No.”

“Oh it’s happening,” Crowley grinned and snatched Warlock before he could dodge out of the way and pulled the boy into his arms, who squirmed like a very annoyed cat for a moment before sighing in resignation and returning the hug, muttering a quiet “Happy birthday Dad.”

  
When Crowley let go he turned towards the Bentley and swiped his hand over his mouth, still trying to control his grin. “So who’s university fund did we drain to get this beauty then huh?”

“Yeah Papa, whos?” Adam piped up, clearly a little panicked at the idea.

“I didn’t drain any savings I’ll have you know.” Aziraphale sniffed primly. “I sold the Wilde.”

At that bit of information all three jaws dropped. They all knew how precious that 2nd edition of _The Happy Prince_ was to Aziraphale; Crowley more than anyone. He had accumulated many valuable antique books and first editions over the years after he opened his shop, but very few things excited him or motivated him to travel more than even a rumor of an early edition Wilde did. That particular novel was a fortunate find at an auction, and when Aziraphale purchased it he cried more tears of joy then he did at his own wedding. 

“Aziraphale..” Crowley’s voice was hoarse. “Aziraphale that was a _signed_ copy...”

“I know,” Aziraphale looked at them all before focusing a loving look at Crowley. “I’m quite happy with my choice.” And he was; it had been difficult to part from, but he had made sure that he got a more than fair price and that it went to a good home where it would be appreciated. And seeing the look on Crowley’s face at this moment swept away any ideas of regret. Choosing Crowley’s happiness was always an easy decision.

He knew what effect those words would have on Crowley, and he wasn’t disappointed. His lips wobbled slightly before he was there in three strides and wrapping Aziraphale in a tight hug. 

“First chance we get I’m getting you in the backseat.” Crowley growled quietly in his ear; “Gonna christen it properly.”

“Oh my..” Aziraphale felt himself flush at the idea; they hadn’t done _that_ in ages.

When he pulled away Aziraphale cleared his throat and tried to bring his blush under control as Crowley made another lap around the Bentley again, quietly complimenting it. Warlock checked his phone before speaking again. 

“Staring at an ancient car is fun and all, but can we go home? I’m getting cold.” When Crowley wasn’t looking Warlock gestured to his phone and shot a meaningful look at Aziraphale, who nodded. 

“Oh very well, are you ready darling?” Crowley nodded without taking his eyes off the car; he sighed happily as Aziraphale took him by the arm and he allowed himself to be led all the way to the flat, occasionally glancing at the keys in his hand as though they would disappear. 

When they got to the flat Aziraphale was shaking with nerves as they reached the entryway and turned on the lights. He truly had no idea how Crowley would react to this part of his birthday present. Crowley was hanging his and Aziraphale’s coat and didn’t notice at first. 

“Angel do we still have a bottle or two of the Malbec…”

Crowley trailed off when he noticed the pitbull puppy sitting in the middle of their living room, head cocked curiously to the side and tail wagging expectantly. He was black and white in appearance, his color pattern making him resemble a small cow. 

When Lilith passed peacefully in her sleep at the age of 15, just nine months after Agnes’s funeral, Aziraphale and Crowley were both devastated. Losing 2 members of their family within a year ushered in one of the most difficult points in their lives. Crowley still got emotional talking about them, and occasionally woke up weeping if they visited his dreams, where he said Agnes and Lilith were always together. It was adopting Adam and Warlock, opening and starting a new chapter in their lives as parents that pulled them both from their grief. Since then they had fostered several dogs when the need arose as the program grew, but they had never adopted another dog after Lilith.

It was actually Warlock who came up with the idea for the puppy. Aziraphale had been dropping by the shelter for a visit when Warlock showed him the new arrivals. This puppy was the runt of his litter, born in a puppy mill. When he was born the conditions were so cramped in his crate that the poor little one couldn’t get enough circulation into his back right leg, causing the muscles to atrophy and die. The leg had to be removed almost as soon as him and the rest of his litter were admitted. As soon as Aziraphale saw the little one though he had an instant feeling he would be a perfect new addition to their family, and asked Warlock to fill out the adoption forms. 

Now at 10 weeks old he had recovered beautifully, still learning his balance, occasionally wagging his tail so hard he overbalanced and fell on his side. Warlock had kept Aziraphale updated on his progress and learned the little one had a mischievous streak, and was also terribly affectionate. Warlock had arranged for Beez to drop him off at their flat while they were having dinner. 

Crowley’s eyes lit up with delight as he slowly sank to his knees. “Well hello little one.”

Aziraphale was slightly grateful the boys had made themselves scarce and were raiding the kitchen with their never ending appetites. The dog toddled straight up to Crowley, his wagging tail making him drift a little to the right as he hopped on three legs. When he got to Crowley he jumped up, already trusting that Crowley would catch him. An unsure, trembling smile was on his face and his eyes were shiny for the second time that evening. “Is this...is this a new foster?”

“No,” Aziraphale lowered his voice to a gentle murmur. “We-we’ve adopted him, my love.” Now that he was actually here, the significance of the moment was starting to sink in and he felt the back of his eyes prickle with tears. Crowley gave a shaky exhale before gently picking up the puppy. The puppy and Crowley looked at each other for a long moment before Crowley buried his face in the side of the puppy's neck. A tiny whimper was the only thing that made Aziraphale realize that Crowley had started sobbing quietly into the soft fur.

“Oh _Crowley.._ ” His voice broke as he began crying himself, pressing his hand over his mouth to keep him from turning into a wailing mess. Crowley gently pushed the puppy away and gazed up at Aziraphale with wet eyes, looking every bit like a child on Christmas morning. He knelt down beside him and gently cupped Crowley’s cheeks, wiping away the tears as they fell. 

“Is that ok my treasure?”

“Is that ok.” Crowley repeated with a laugh as he wiped his eyes. “The fuck kinda stupid question is that? Of course it’s ok.”

“Now there’s no need to get vulgar.” Aziraphale admonished even as he pressed his forehead against Crowley’s. They sat like that for a moment, before the puppy barked in a demand for attention and began biting the sleeve of Crowley’s leather. 

“Oh,” Aziraphale grinned, “See he already knows to stay away from my clothes.”

“Bastard.” Crowley laughed and wiped his eyes again. “Fuck Aziraphale, I love you so-”

A loud bang coming from the kitchen cut Crowley off. As soon as the noise died down two voices shouted in unison. “I didn’t do it!”

Aziraphale rolled his eyes fondly and shook his head while Crowley put his glasses in his coat pocket. 

“Come on then you,” Crowley stood up with Aziraphale and scooped up the puppy before turning back to his husband. “We should go stop them before they start another fire in the kitchen.”

“Yes well-wait what do you mean * _another_ fire?” He gasped when Crowley paled and didn’t respond “Crowley??”

“Ngk-um-I’ll explain later.” Before Aziraphale could grab him Crowley turned and marched toward the kitchen, leaving Aziraphale no choice but to follow. 

“Alright boys,” Crowley held the puppy in one arm and fished a coin out of his pocket with another; “call it.”

“Heads!” Warlock called excitedly. 

“Tails!” Adam contributed in unison.

Crowley flipped the coin before catching it and showing it to the boys. “Tails. Adam you get to name him."

Adam looked at the puppy for a long moment before smiling, making a decision in his head. 

“We’ll name him Dog!”

Warlock’s jaw dropped as he stared at his brother. “Oh now that’s some bulls-”

“Language!” Aziraphale reprimanded sharply. 

“But Dog? Seriously. Dog??”

“It’s the law of the coin toss.” Crowley shrugged as if the matter was out of his hands. Dog began to squirm impatiently in Crowley’s arms, frustrated to be in the presence of so many hands and none of them were petting him. Crowley handed Dog to Warlock and the two teenagers went into the living room to play with the new arrival while Aziraphale managed to dig up that bottle of Malbec.

The boys were 17, so they all shared a bottle of wine in the living room while Adam and Warlock played with Dog on the floor. They all talked about everything and nothing, but overall Crowley was quiet, choosing to watch his family. Occasionally his eyes would meet Aziraphale’s, and they would flash with heat and promise before looking away. After 10pm rolled around, Aziraphale sent the boys to bed. 

“You have school tomorrow my dears.”

“But tomorrow is Friday!” Warlock whined, “It’d be pointless to go back for just one more day before the weekend.”

“I’d agree with you if I knew you weren’t trying to get out of that calculus test tomorrow.” Crowley retorted. “Now move it, you heard your dad. I’ll let you guys fight over who gets to have Dog in their room tonight.”

After a few minutes of grumbling both Adam and Warlock went to their rooms after bidding Crowley a final happy birthday. When the doors shut behind them Crowley grinned and hopped off to get the good wine out of the pantry. It didn’t take them long after becoming parents to discover the joy of getting drunk after the kids had gone to sleep. When he poured two glasses Aziraphale took his glass and cuddled up next to Crowley, resting his head on his shoulder. 

For a few moments Aziraphale and Crowley just sat next to each other in a comfortable silence as Aziraphale basked in having Crowley’s full attention. He couldn’t help but feel a little smug about how well the day had gone. 

“Were you surprised darling?”

Crowley snorted in disbelief, “That’s an understatement. Pretty sure I’m bloody dreaming. How did you even manage to pull all this off?”

Aziraphale wiggled happily, “You’re not the only one with wiles my dear fiend.”

Crowley shook his head before placing a quick kiss to Aziraphale’s curls. Dog could be heard yipping from Warlock’s room. 

“Lots of supplies we need to get for that one.” Crowley looked down the hall thoughtfully. “Crate, toys, foods, vitamins, harnesses..”

Aziraphale leaned away to regard Crowley seriously, “I hope you really are alright with this Crowley, I know there will never be another Lilith..”

“I know, I know replacing her wasn’t your plan angel.” Crowley pulled Aziraphale back against him. “And really, you had good timing. I was gonna talk to you about it later, but I've been thinking of cutting back and going part time with TAILS.”

“Really?” This did surprise Aziraphale, he knew Crowley loved what he did, and he was good at it. Since he started it himself he basically made his own schedule, and he worked well over full time, even after hiring staff. “Why?”

Crowley let out a long puff of air and let his head fall back against the headrest. “Well.. I know Warlock isn’t really interested in going to university. I was thinking of stepping back and offering him some more responsibilities at TAILS; think he’d really be good at it.”

Aziraphale conceded to that with a nod, “It is quite the ordeal to get him to leave the place sometimes.”

“Right, and he’s got some great ideas. The group counseling for one, it’s going great at Pentonville. We’re already looking for ways to introduce it to the inmates in the other facilities.”

“Well I think it’s a marvelous idea.” And it was, Warlock had inherited Crowley’s passion for TAILS and its mission, and loved it almost as much as Crowley did. In fact they often used the prospect of him _not_ working there as a threat of punishment. 

They talked a little bit more about the boys, about Warlock’s role in TAILS, and about Adam’s plans for university and how much Crowley and Aziraphale both liked that lovely new girl Pepper he was seeing. The conversation began to drift into them catching each other up on the events of their day; how Aziraphale had gotten yet another letter from his parents begging for forgiveness, and how Beez was reaching the end of their parole soon. 

Eventually they trailed off into another comfortable silence, occasionally broken by Aziraphale’s pleased murmurs whenever Crowley’s hands would brush the back of his neck or his jaw. When Crowley gently cupped his face in both his hands and kissed him tenderly he accepted it with a content sigh. 

Just as the kiss became more heated Cowley pulled back and stood. Without speaking he offered his hand to Aziraphale, who grabbed it and allowed himself to be pulled up into another kiss. Crowley began walking backwards, guiding him towards their bedroom. They never parted their kiss or took their eyes off each other to see where they were going as they walked. They didn’t need to; this was a dance they had perfected long ago.

The hallway they walked down was covered in pictures, a gallery and timeline of the life they had built together. There was a picture of Aziraphale holding his doctorate in English and Literature. Another picture of Aziraphale in front of his bookshop in Soho on it’s grand opening. Both of them together with Lilith and Agnes at a fundraising event to celebrate the 1000th dog graduating the TAILS training program. Their first family picture after the adoption of 3 year old Adam and Warlock hung proudly in the center of the hallway. School pictures, birthday parties, Gotcha Days*, the boys tagging along to TAILS Events, were all documented and scattered throughout their hallway and home.

When they got to the bedroom and shut and locked the door behind them, Crowley pushed Aziraphale against it. Aziraphale immediately opened his mouth to welcome Crowley’s tongue as Crowley slowly started undressing him. When he had gotten his waistcoat and shirt open Crowley dropped to his knees and began opening his trousers.

“I thought I was supposed to-to be taking care of you.” Aziraphale tried to weakly protest as his pants were shoved to his knees.

Crowley hummed in mock consideration; “It’s my birthday, so I get whatever I want, right?” Crowley's eyes were dark as he pulled off Aziraphale’s shoes and socks so he could kick away his trousers and pants. 

“I-ah- I suppose so…”

“Well what I _want_...” Crowley took a moment to nuzzle the crease where his hip ended and inner thigh began. “Is this cock down my throat.” He licked a stripe up his cock before swallowing him all the way down to the base. Aziraphale whimpered as he let his head hit the back of the door. 

“C-Crowley, oh _fuck_..”

The sight of Crowley on his knees in front of Aziraphale like this never ceased to undo him. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths, trying to make himself last. Far too soon though he pulled Crowley off of him with an obscene wet sound.

“I’m too close. Darling please let me-” Instead of finishing his sentence he pulled Crowley up to kiss him hungrily. This time Aziraphale pulled away and walked towards the bed, stripping his shirt along the way. When he turned and sat on the bed Crowley was watching him hungrily, palming himself through his jeans. 

It was several years into their marriage before Aziraphale realized just how much power he held over Crowley, just how much he found Aziraphale attractive. He stopped questioning it long ago, and was instead humbled that he could have an effect on someone so desirable after so many years. 

While Crowley watched, Aziraphale pulled out the silk restraints that were tied to the headboard, slipped the knot over his wrist and pulled it tight. Before he added the restraint to his other wrist, he grabbed a silk blindfold from under the pillow, slipped it over his eyes, and laid patiently on the bed to wait for Crowley to restrain his other wrist with a small smile on his face.

“Ooohhh... _angel._.” Crowley sounded like he was close to tears again. Aziraphale felt the bed dip with added weight just before he felt Crowley’s breath across his face.

“What did an old demon like me do to deserve a chance to worship an angel like you hmm?” Crowley asked roughly.

Before Aziraphale could answer Crowley had lowered his head for a kiss. Aziraphale used his free hand to bury his hand in Crowley’s soft locks, scratching and tugging just the way he knew Crowley liked. When he pulled away he felt Crowley raining sucking kisses on his palm and fingers before slipping it snugly in the silk knot. 

Crowley’s lips then moved to Aziraphale’s wrist, lightly nipping and licking around the silk. From there he moved downward, attacking each and every one of Aziraphale’s sensitive spots and erogenous zones with a precision that could only come from 25 years of practice.

Aziraphale's last rational thought was how thankful he was that Crowley had taken steps to soundproof their room after the kids were adopted. He was powerless to do anything but beg and whine while Crowley spent the better part of an hour opening him, and keeping him on the edge despite his urging and pleading. The sweet torture was puncuated by Crowley’s soft growls of praise.

“My angel…”

“My best friend…”

“My world…”

“My everything…”

Aziraphale was nearly delirious; usually Crowley would have let him come by this point when they played this game, and would be working him up again. This time however, Crowley would pull back, or ease his grip just when Aziraphale’s breath would start to hitch, or when his thighs would begin to tremble. He was starting to wonder if he had gone past the point of orgasm, if the pleasure would just keep building and he would never find release.

“Oh thank god,” Aziraphale sobbed with relief when he finally, _finally_ felt Crowley sliding inside of him, tears of overstimulation running down his cheeks. “ _Thank god._ ”

“Just Crowleys’ fine.” He tried to joke, but Aziraphale could tell from the tension in his voice that Crowley’s composure was hanging on by a thread as well. His belief was confirmed when once Crowley was sure Aziraphale had adjusted, he began fucking into Aziraphale hard. Aziraphale pressed a restrained hand to push back against the headboard as the force of Crowley’s thrusts pushed them both up the bed. 

“Fuck Aziraphale, _fuck_.” Crowley hissed as Aziraphale arched his back to urge Crowley deeper, harder. “How does this keep getting better? After all this time, how?”

“B-b’cause yours.” Aziraphale hiccupped in between thrusts, struggling to stay coherent while Crowley was driving into him like a man possessed. Thankfully Crowley seemed to understand. 

“Yesss, mine. This arse was made for me wasn’t it angel? Made for me to take it? Are you honey? Are you mine?”

“A- _Ah_!-always..”

“Look how bad you want it, how hard you are. I don’t think I even need to touch that pretty cock of yours. You can come just from me filling you up can’t you?”

“Please, _please_ Crowley..”

“You’ve been so good for me, let me- _ah fuck_ \- let me see you come. I want you to. Let go for me sweetheart.” 

It wasn't until the heat building in his body began to magnify and concentrate to the base of his spine did he realize he had been waiting for permission all along. Crowley changed his position, hitching Aziraphale’s hips higher to rut into him with more depth and power.

When Aziraphale finally reached his peak it was like he was thrown off the edge with no warning at all, suddenly coming harder than he could ever remember. He lunged his head and bit..some part of Crowley to muffle his scream, latching his teeth hard enough to draw blood as colors burst behind his eyelids before everything went gray. 

He drifted back to reality when he felt a cold glass being pressed against his lips. He opened his mouth and gratefully drank several gulps of water before Crowley put it back on the stand beside the bed. When Crowley settled back in with him Aziraphale realized that his hands were free now, and he wrapped his shaking arms around Crowley, feeling needy for touch. 

Crowley nuzzled the base of his jaw inquisitively, able to ask the question without voicing it. _You alright?_

Aziraphale nodded wordlessly tilting his head up for a soft kiss and smiling lazily. He made an apologetic sound when he saw the bite mark on Crowley’s bicep. Crowley noticed him staring and grinned, smug with pride.

“Not bad for half a century old huh?”

Aziraphale huffed and tried to swat at his arm, but his limbs were still jelly so it was more of a soft swipe. “Oh hush you. Hope you won’t be using the ‘old age’ excuse to be lazy, you sleepy serpent.” He leaned his head against Crowley's chest, just to listen to the rumble in his chest when he chuckled. 

They were quiet after that, exchanging soft smiles and even softer kisses as they felt the other getting closer to sleep.

"I was always yours too, you know." Crowley's words pulled Aziraphale from the edge of sleep, and he opened his eyes to see Crowley looking at him thoughtfully. "Always, from the moment I met you."

"I've always told you we're ineffable dearest."

"Maybe you're right. I was surviving, but I wasn't _living_ until I met you angel."

"I love you Crowley." And there it was; Crowley's eyes no longer widened in surprise when Aziraphale said those words. A soft look always crossed his features though, even as he heard the words every day for two decades. " _I was always yours to have, and you were always mine. We have loved each other in and out of time."*_

"In and out of time.." Crowley repeated softly, tracing Aziraphale's facial features delicately with his fingertips. Aziraphale closed his eyes, feeling Crowley's love for him settle over him and warm him like sunlight, or a warm blanket. In his home, with his his family, Aziraphale had never felt more safe. He allowed himself to fall asleep to the sound of husband's voice; "I love you angel. I have loved you, I do love you, I _will_ love you.."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warlock, Adam, and Pepper started a teensy weensy little fire roasting marshmallows over the stove. Crowley was there to put it out and didn't tell Aziraphale because...it maaay have been Crowley's idea in the first place...
> 
> *In case noone's heard of a Gotcha Day, its basically a celebration of the day you were adopted. It's like having a second birthday!
> 
> *The poem that Aziraphale quoted in the end was 'In and Out of Time' by Maya Angelou.
> 
> GUYS. We made it to the end! I truly hoped you liked this epilogue, and the new characters that were introduced. I cannot thank you all enough for comments and support. It fueled me, encouraged me, motivated me, and inspired me to write the longest story I've ever written and it means the world to me that you could be as fond of these characters as I was. From the bottom of my heart, thank you <3
> 
> Drink water and stay safe my dears!

**Author's Note:**

> Love me some comments! Little nervous about this one but I hope you like it, I had fun writing it :)
> 
> Updates Monday and Thursday!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [FicArt for A Second Chance](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24741661) by [TheTotallyToriArt (TheTotallyTori)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTotallyTori/pseuds/TheTotallyToriArt)




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